Bernard And Doris Page #3

I shall be supervising

the renovation of the swimming pool,

the tennis courts

and pergola.

In our absence,

see that all silver is polished

and carefully sorted.

Miss Duke's personal

tea service needs special attention.

Memo to staff...

we arrive at Falcon's Lair

on Tuesday

and we expect to leave

for Sri Lanka the following week.

Miss Duke and I shall be

traveling through the Far East

for the next six months.

Oh, be careful,

be careful, be careful.

Very gently get her

into the house.

Bernard?

Would you like to

join with us?

No, thanks.

Bernard's a little wary

of new experiences.

It took me months

to convince him to pierce his ear.

Shall we have some lunch?

Are you comfortable there, Swami?

Okay.

Doris was given tons of money

to restore all these

houses in Newport.

She did a great job.

Thanks.

What I love about Newport...

Wait, how many houses

do you have?

Doesn't matter.

But what I love is the weather.

It's got rain and snow and rain

lashing against the rocks.

- Incredible storms.

- It rains twice a year...

once for six months,

once for five months.

That's really good, Lafferty.

That is so funny.

Very good. Here, have a...

have a little hit.

- A little hit?

- Mm-hm.

- Should I do that?

- Absolutely, you should.

One big suck.

Getting high with the help.

How democratic.

Get enough there?

Thank you very much.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Uh, so,

what were you doing

in Calcutta anyway?

You know, I really... I didn't

have the faintest idea

until I met Swami.

He was in a cave for 25 years.

He was praying.

Praying 25 years.

- Praying.

- It's not true.

Yes. No.

The poor, the sick,

the bereaved, the dying,

they would come to him.

He would lay his hands

on them and pray...

And then

one day the monsoon comes

and floods the cave.

So Swami gets up and he walks

all the way to Calcutta...

that's 2,000 miles or more...

because he wants to visit

the Festival of Durga...

Where we are amongst

the 200,000 pilgrims that are there.

And what happens?

Coincidentally,

literally, we bump into Swami.

Literally bump into him.

- Congratulations.

- And the rest is,

well, destiny, I suppose.

We're gonna start

a center in New Jersey.

Well, he didn't walk

to New Jersey. He flew.

Took the easy way out,

hey, Swami?

You know, when I was sleeping

sometimes outside

and I watch all the sky's

beautiful stars,

then I thought I told Bernard

and Doris that, you see,

"You are sleeping

in the Five Star Hotel.

But I was sleeping

All Star Hotel. "

It's a blessing.

A blessing.

To Swami and Doris.

And all the blessings

that come into our lives

when we least expect them.

Cheers to that.

Mm.

Swami, if I was drinking,

I'd be drinking to you.

Cheers, congrats.

Look at this. Look.

Are you all right, ma'am?

- Oh, we've got a problem.

- What is it?

Damn slugs, look at this.

- Look look.

- Oh.

If there's one

there's probably more, right?

Yeah, it looks like it, ma'am.

You're not gonna eat my babies.

Miss, you can... apples.

My mother swore by apples.

Apples?

Yeah, we grew spinach

and potatoes in our yard.

We couldn't afford to lose them...

it was mostly all that we had to eat,

so my mother would put

down slices of apple

to attract the slugs and

the caterpillars elsewhere

and lead them away

from the vegetables.

- And that worked?

- It did, yeah.

If this works, I'm sending

your mother a check.

Well, that's very generous

of you, ma'am,

but she passed away

many years ago.

Lafferty, I know absolutely

nothing about you.

Maybe that's just as well, ma'am.

Do you think you should

be getting some rest?

- You have a long trip ahead of you.

- No, I'll be fine.

I can take care of this

while you're away.

No.

I had a... a child

with my first marriage.

She only lived for 24 hours.

What do you think

the point of that is?

I'm terribly sorry

to hear that.

I mean, supposedly

everything happens for a reason.

You know, part of the Book of Life

or the Great Mandala.

You know?

What do you think

about that?

I...

I... it's whatever

gets you through the night.

I mean, I'd hardly

be the one to judge it.

So the snail and the orchids

and you and I?

You smell divine, by the way.

Is that Norell?

- It is.

- I gave you that, didn't I?

You did. You gave it to me

and I wear it every day.

I wouldn't be caught

dead without it.

Well, that's part of

the plan, you see?

What about the apple?

- Do you think this apple here has...

- Yeah.

...a part in the great...

the great plan?

Yeah. I mean,

events may seem random,

but there is a plan.

Unfortunately, it just may

not unfold quickly enough

for us to really understand why

it's happening. You know what I mean?

Sure.

L... I knew this Irish lad

in Philadelphia.

His name was Freezer.

That's how cool he was.

And he had everything

going for him...

he was handsome,

he was fun, he was warm-hearted.

We were up for the same

job at this chichi hotel,

the Bellevue in Stratford.

I knew he would get the job.

No one could resist

Freezer when he

turned on the charm.

Anyways, on the day

of the interviews

he steps off the curb

and he breaks his foot.

And I get the job.

And that's how I get to

meet Miss Taylor.

She introduces me

to Miss Lee.

- Then it's...

- Introduces you...

...to you.

... to me.

'Cause you read it

on the resume.

Oh, so that's...

that was your path.

That was your journey, exactly.

- The Mandala, exactly.

- Mandala.

Oh Jesus, smell this.

Mm. Incredible, huh?

Very few of these guys actually

even have a scent. Isn't that tragic?

- Yeah, they're beautiful.

- So sad.

Miss Duke, do you think

I should be packing

the Persian outfits

that you mentioned

for your trip?

I don't know.

What do you think?

I don't know. I've never performed

in a belly-dancing troupe.

It's not belly dancing,

it's dance oriental.

Oh, that's Chinese, is it?

No, look, it's the Earth

and then the core

and then out.

See? It's as if your entire being

is concentrated,

every ounce of it right here.

- Right.

- You see?

- Sure.

- Right there, you understand?

It's like...

Like that.

- Yeah.

- Feel that?

- Go ahead, try it. Try it.

- No.

I think it's more of...

more of a girl thing.

No no, it's the most fun you could ever

have without actually touching yourself.

- Go ahead.

- No, I couldn't.

- Come on.

- No.

- See, like this?

- Yeah.

Some men actually find it

very seductive.

I'm sure they do.

I mean, I... I swing

in the other direction,

if you catch my drift.

Cat...?

Yes, I catch it.

I caught it.

I have it.

All right, well it's just that I...

I think it...

it's mesmerizing.

How did I look just now?

I mean, tell me the truth.

I mean, did I look ridiculous?

- What do you mean?

- I mean, was it clumsy?

- Did I look clumsy? Did I look awful?

- No no.

I'll tell you what,

you looked happy.

Happy?

Yeah, just...

- Break a leg, Miss Duke.

- God forbid.

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