Best Men Page #2

SmiIe on your way out.

Say ''cheese.''

HoIy f***!

-Get the tape. BiIIy, go get the tape!

-Come on, BiIIy, move your ass!

-Where is it?

-Where is it usuaIIy?

Excuse me.

The tape deck is in the manager's office...

...behind the picture of RonaId Reagan.

-Come on, BiIIy, get it! Move it!

-How couId you guys do this today, Buzz?

-Wasn't my idea.

-Jesse?

HoId on!

AII you had to do

was get me from jaiI to the chapeI.

-Jess!

-Just a second, Teddy.

I don't think that tape's

gonna matter much anymore.

And I don't think we're gonna

make it to your wedding.

What have we got here, Cuervo?

Four, possibIy five men, armed, in tuxedos.

What?

Bud!

-Any casuaIties?

-None that we know of.

Where's your button?

Must've faIIen off.

Hostages?

Tough to say. 5 to 10 empIoyees...

...couId be as many as

15 customers in there.

This is not a good time for this.

Is that it?

Not quite. We got a witness

who says one of 'em was taIking funny.

What do you mean?

Sounded Iike Shakespeare.

Sir, I think it's HamIet.

Contact the evening news

and the Daily lndependence...

...and send it out over the wire.

I want this on CNN.

This is a good time for this.

-Anything eIse?

-Yeah. Stay on your toes.

This HamIet guy knows what he's doing.

He's a professionaI.

''Trust me''?

I'm a free man, you son of a b*tch!

Is this my wedding present?

-I oughta kiII you!

-Just reIax, Jess, aII right?

Do you know what you've done here?

Do you have any idea at aII?

You weren't even supposed

to come in here.

If you'd gone to the church,

none of this wouId've happened!

-That's a moot point now, BiIIy.

-It's a what?

-It doesn't matter anymore. It's too Iate!

-Moot.

Then go, Jess. Go! Get outta here!

SoI, you care to expIain to Butch Cassidy...

...how things actuaIIy work?

-I toId you, I don't do criminaI Iaw.

-Just induIge us, okay?

-TeII him!

-Okay. AII right. Outside of the obvious...

...what, armed robbery,

kidnapping, we have accompIice IiabiIity...

...and probabIy conspiracy

to commit a feIony.

-What are you taIking about?

-We are aiding and abetting as we speak.

Do you understand that? No.

Look, Jess, I'II take care of this, aII right?

I'II handIe it.

HandIe it.

This is Sheriff Bud PhiIIips

of the Sheriff's department.

You are compIeteIy surrounded.

I want to speak to the person in charge.

You got a name, son?

BiIIy?

Hi, dad.

You stiII there?

You get your worthIess ass

out of that bank right now, you hear me?

-So, how you been, dad?

-Don't you beIittIe me, you piece of sh*t!

I see you're stiII...

...the same gentIe, Ioving

father that you aIways were.

I'II teII you what, you ingrate!

Get out of there in five minutes, or I'II--

You'II what?

Let me expIain something to you, dad!

I am in charge here!

I am caIIing the shots!

You hear me? And l will dictate

who does what and whenl

I'II caII you back with my demands.

And, dad, f*** you!

-That heIped.

-Good negotiating skiIIs, BiIIy.

-Maybe it's true.

-Maybe the Cubs'II win.

Let me teII you something.

That HamIet guy's on

the FBI's most wanted Iist.

BiIIy's never been wanted by anyone.

Sheriff, the press is here.

Where can I find the sheriff?

-He's in there, ma'am.

-Sh*t.

Why don't you caII your dad back?

He'II probabIy Iisten.

-F*** him.

-May I make a suggestion?

Yeah. By aII means, pIease.

You might want to reIease

the two eIderIy Iadies...

...as a gesture of good faith.

Speak for yourseIf.

Jesse ReiIIy?

Hi, Mrs. Johnson.

I thought you were getting married today.

Yeah. I was supposed to.

Excuse me...

...if these fine citizens wish to stay,

and you're in the reIeasing phase...

...perhaps you might reIease me.

That's the mayor.

This is great, BiIIy.

-You've kidnapped a pubIic officiaI.

-Sh*t!

Look, everybody just sit tight, aII right?

Nobody's going anywhere.

Don't have to. They're coming to us.

Can you get back on the sidewaIk?

My no-good son's not pIaying me

Iike a puppet in front of these voters.

BiIIy, get your ass out here!

You're so sure you're a man, why don't

you come out and taIk to me Iike one?

Let's move cIoser. Right there.

Can't we get any cIoser?

That about says it aII.

-Get them outta here.

-AII right, now, move it back.

-Come on.

-BiIIy.

BiIIy.

Cuervo.

-BiIIy.

-Stay cIose on BiIIy.

-How are things?

-You know, just same oId, same oId.

Yeah.

-How's the famiIy?

-Good. Growing up fast.

Jimmy's pIaying soccer now.

He says he wants to pIay in the WorId Cup.

Just Iet me know when you

two women are done gossiping.

WeII...

...wouIdn't your mother be proud of you?

Look at me when I'm taIking to you.

Who's in there with you?

The usuaI misfits?

They had nothing to do with this.

I'II be the judge of that.

This is between you and me.

Why don't you just Iet them go?

You've been off in La-La-Land too Iong.

You need a reaIity check, boy,

and the reaIity is, I'm in charge!

I aIways have been and aIways wiII be.

Charade's over. You come with me.

I don't think so, aII right?

What are you gonna do,

shoot your oId man?

You can't even shoot a rabbit.

I Iike rabbits.

You son of a b*tch!

Gun! On the ground!

Christ!

Stop firing! HoId your fire!

Teddy, get back inside!

Sir, shouId we storm the bank?

-F***ing--

-We're in it now. You know that, right?

-We're in it.

-Teddy.

-What? No.

-Cover the back.

-Yeah. I'II cover the back.

-SoI, you watch the front.

No way. No f***in' way.

Attempted murder is as far as I go.

I'm not participating in this anymore.

You hear this?

I'm not invoIved in this anymore, okay?

From now on, you consider me a hostage.

I'II cover it.

You aII right?

Yeah.

AII right. PuII yourseIf together.

I'II hoId down the fort.

Thanks.

Yeah.

And much to the horror

of the crowd and this reporter...

...sheriff and insurgent

mayoral candidate Bud Phillips...

...has ruthlessly ordered his men...

...to open fire on his very own son.

Billy is believed to be none

other than Hamlet...

...who has further frustrated investigators

by leaving behind an unusual calling card:

...sizable donations to local orphanages.

This mockery has landed him

on the FBl's most-wanted list...

...and has some calling him

a modern-day Robin Hood.

The standoff continues.

This is Cindy Vargas reporting live

from Memorial State Bank downtown.

I'm thinking you shouId probabIy

show me how to use this.

-Teddy.

-What?

-It's not a toy.

-Yeah.

Buzz, I was out there with you, okay?

I was right there with you.

You know, it's reaI easy

for you to be a man...

...but I....

This is a moment for me.

Okay.

-You got seven in the cIip.

-Check.

-One in the chamber.

-Eight.

Got it.

Snap the cIip in, puII it back...

...Iet it sIide, and you're ready to go.

This is the cIip reIease.

-This is your safety.

-Yeah. Can I? May I?

-Sorry.

-It's okay.

-Man. I'm Iiking this. I Iike that.

-It's got a nice feeI, doesn't it?

No. I mean this.

Is that bad?

I must've done something

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