Best Night Ever Page #3

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and I step outside

I take a deep breath then

and I get real high

then I scream

from the top of my lungs

and I say hey, hey, hey, hey

hey, hey, hey

oh, oh, oh, oh

oh, oh, oh, oh

nah-nah, nah-nah

nah-nah, nah-nah,

nah-nah-nah

oh, oh, oh, oh

oh, oh, oh, oh

nah-nah, nah-nah

nah-nah, nah-nah,

nah-nah

You are such a f*** up.

But I love you.

So, what are we gonna do now?

We go home, back to L.A.

How?

Yeah, we're flat broke.

And we need at least a couple

hundred bucks just for gas.

We can't have anyone

wire us the money.

Because we don't have ID's

to prove who we are.

And I'd have Larry drive here

and bail us out, but...

He doesn't know I'm in Vegas.

Can Greg help us?

Probably not.

Why?

You know how when you Google

something on the computer...

the last word you wrote

will pop up?

I typed in the letter "M"

for Martha's vineyard.

I was gonna book a vacation.

For our seven year anniversary.

Anyway, I typed

in the letter the "M"...

and the site "Manstalk. La"

suddenly appeared.

Oh, no.

What's Manstalk. La?

Greg's password

was still entered.

That's when I saw it.

That is the worse thing

I could ever imagine.

Which one's you husband?

The one in the middle.

The irony is palpable.

What?

Well, there's the eiffel tower...

And they're giving him

the eiffel tower.

So, did you talk to him about it?

He filed for legal separation

the morning we left for Vegas.

And evidently he cancelled

all my credit cards.

Leslie, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what to say.

Thanks.

It's hard to talk about.

Well, we have it all on tape.

If you ever want

to watch it back.

That's f***ing awesome.

So what do we do?

It's the middle of the night,

and we're stuck in Vegas.

If we don't get some cash,

we're never going to get home.

Uh, I've got an idea.

No way.

This is nuts.

I've always wanted to do this.

Seriously?

It combines

my two favorite passions...

wrestling and gelatin.

And we need the money.

Bad.

This is gonna be great.

Janet, you don't have to do this.

I can win.

Are you just saying that...

or do you actually believe that?

I can win.

Winner!

All right, ladies, who's up next?

Now remember.

It's amateur night.

So any one of you.

Who thinks you can pin the

reigning champ, Veronica...

Will win $500.

I'll do it.

I'll wrestle her.

Looks like we got a taker.

Why don't you come on down.

And sign these release forms?

You gotta love her.

Hi, I'm Trevor.

I'm Rick.

What are you two drinking?

Sex on the beach.

A girl after my own heart.

Nothing for me.

Would you excuse us for a second?

What are you doing?

Those guys are cute.

I can't be your wingman.

You're not married yet.

Zoe, no.

Come on.

For old times sake.

It'll probably be the last time.

You'll ever have a chance.

Of helping me find my true love.

Please?

Look, just say yes.

They are so cute.

Please? Please?

Please? Please?

Please? Please...

Okay, I'll be your wingman.

Everything all right?

Totally. I'm Kim.

And this is...

Antoinette.

Drinks, ladies?

So, antoinette, what do you do?

What brings you to Vegas?

Oh, I'm in the shoe business.

Right. Right, you're here

for the convention.

Yup. Yes. Exactly.

I'm a cobbler.

You're a shoe cobbler, like a...

Yes, I cobble.

Your eyes are following me?

You're cute.

And you?

Nothing as interesting as that.

I'm actually doing my residency

right now at Johns Hopkins.

You're a doctor.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm up next.

Are you gonna wrestle?

F*** yeah.

It was nice talking with you.

It was nice meeting you,

antoinette.

Antoinette?

Long story.

Are you sure about this?

I'm sure.

You're leaking.

I usually pump and dump

before bed.

And now for our next bout...

weighing in at 129 pounds...

hailing from Simi valley,

California...

ladies and gentlemen,

Janet Simmons.

Wish me luck.

Can you see

my c-section scar?

Uh, no, not at all.

How was that guy?

Fine.

Fine?

He's cute.

And defending her title as

wrestling champion of Las Vegas...

Veronica!

All right, I want a good

clean fight, all right?

Keep it clean, but,

you know, make it dirty.

And remember,

the winner gets $500.

Come on, Janet!

You gonna die tonight.

Jesus Christ.

Is she gonna die?

Janet, are you okay?

Son of a b*tch.

Help her, she's bleeding.

I bit my tongue.

I bit my tongue.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

Did I win?

You got you ass kicked.

I did?

Pretty bad, actually.

At one point, you cried.

Bummer.

I thought I lost.

You did get $300 just for trying.

Whoo! Yes!

Yeah!

Janet, you did it.

Get me out of these. I don't

wanna go to the hospital.

Well, that's

where you're going so...

I'm not bleeding.

I'm okay.

I'm not bleeding.

Pathetic.

Excuse me?

She's too old to be wrestling.

Come on, look at her.

F*** you.

Leslie, it's okay.

It's not okay.

You apologize.

No.

My friend has more guts

and courage.

Than you could ever know.

You apologize.

F*** you, you crazy b*tch.

Don't touch me.

You apologize.

Don't touch her!

Go!

Where are we?

I don't know.

How are we gonna get back?

There's no taxis.

We'll have to walk.

We should probably take

these pills then.

Where'd you get those?

I swiped them from the ambulance.

What are they?

I have no idea.

I'm not going to take

just some random pill.

It could be anything.

And there's only two.

I took one already.

Are you crazy?

I took one, too.

Leslie.

And I got a whole bottle.

Mm-hm.

What? They're not dead.

Look how happy they are.

Come, Claire.

Stop peer-pressuring me.

This is not high school.

I'm not taking it.

Let's go

let's loose control

like everything is all right,

all right

it's real,

the way that I feel

and we gonna do it all night,

all night

let's roll,

let's lose control

like everything

is all right, all right

it's real,

the way that I feel

and we gonna do it all night

all night

r-o-t to n

let's roll it up

and breathe again

I hate to lose, I need to win

now move the crowd,

let's squeeze it in

two girls around the outside

drank too much,

they found me outside

that's right,

I'm a party star

feelin' all right

at the Mardi Gras

who's ready to party?

Who came here to dance

who's running on a hotty

tryin' to get

in her pants?

I know I am

I'm guilty as charged

only brought $5

but I'm buying the bar

let's go, let's lose control

like everything

is all right, all right

it's real,

the way that I feel

and we gonna do it

all night, all night

let's roll,

let's lose control

like everything

is all right, all right

it's real,

the way that I feel

and we gonna do it

all night, all night

put your hands up

We should play those games now.

The bachelorette party games?

Play to 21?

Wait, what happens

if we don't get to 21?

Your marriage is doomed.

Doomed.

Well then, we better play to 21!

Yeah!

Put your hands up

let's start off

on a high note

I'm the one who put

the "I dot" in the "I"

in the I don't take

sh... From no man no way

never gonna give

in to the no...

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