Best Night Ever Page #5

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Charlie's Facebook friends.

Know that he's

a "rapping pig."

Raping pig.

Yeah, but you spelled it,

"rapping."

And he robbed us altogether.

F***.

We have to humiliate

this piece of sh*t.

Once and for all...

so forever he is punished

for what he did to us.

Whoa, Janet, what are you doing?

I'm going to piss in his face.

- No.

- Don't do it.

That's even too hardcore for me.

Whizz away, girlfriend.

Whizz away.

Janet, don't.

That's so gross.

No.

I'm gonna defile him

the same way he defiled us.

They're tight.

Why are they so tight?

They don't fit anymore.

He's coming to.

Ask him where your ring is.

Where's my ring?

Tell me where my ring is.

These are size seven.

These are size seven.

So?

Mine's an eight and a half.

These aren't my shoes.

That's not the valet

that robbed us.

That's not the valet

who robbed us.

Hey! What the hell

are you doing to our son?

Oh, God.

Oh, my...

Oh, sh*t.

Suzie, get the shotgun.

Don't do it, Suzie.

You move one inch...

and my friend here will put 300

thousand volts of electricity.

Into your son's nut sack.

You want grandkids, don't you?

Dead battery.

Come on, get the gun.

Goddamn it!

Go, go, go, go...

Let's roll.

You went through the whole house.

And you didn't

see his parents there?

It was dark and I'm hammered.

You pooped

on an innocent man's face.

I have a nervous stomach.

I'm not proud of it.

And we electrocuted him

and we stole all his money.

We have his address.

We'll reimburse him.

We'll send him

a "get well soon" card.

I'm sorry, Claire,

we didn't get your ring back.

I think it's time that we

ditch the stolen vehicle.

And definitely take more pills.

Nope.

Which one's our room?

F***, I don't know.

They all look the same.

I'm so wasted.

Hey, who ordered more girls?

What the... what the hell?

Come on in.

What's a bachelor party

without a little talent?

No, Claire, let's just go.

No.

Where's the bachelor?

Mike! Mike! Mike!

Mike! Mike...

No. No.

Who are these chicks?

You're getting married.

Married tomorrow,

but single tonight.

How do you think your fiance

would feel.

If she knew what you're doing?

Is that a camera?

- No.

- No.

Yeah, it is.

You've got a f***ing camera.

You been filming this?

Leave her alone, you raisin dick.

Give that to me.

Claire. Get your

f***ing hands off her.

Oh, yeah?

Rick?

Get out.

Come on. Out. Out.

Oh, God.

We gonna hook up or what?

What happened to Claire?

Where's Claire?

I don't know.

I think she ran off

with that guy.

Claire!

What's up?

I'm looking for Claire.

Claire!

Claire.

She's driving off with that guy.

We have to go after her.

Hey, don't cock block.

She's a big girl.

Yeah, but she's drunk.

And I don't want her

doing something.

That she's going to regret.

Let's go.

I can't believe you had

those guys come over.

Why not?

Because Claire's getting

married next Saturday.

She was my wingman.

Okay. Sorry.

Okay, so I'll just wait here then?

Hurry, start the car up.

Let's go. There.

Take a left.

Come on, we can catch up, go.

There. There.

Catch up. Come on.

Quick, they're getting away.

Go, Janet, go.

Hurry.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Hurry. Go!

Put your foot on it!

Go.

You okay?

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

And there's no real damage

here, so it's cool.

No real damage?

You guys all right?

Yeah.

What happened?

Where are you going?

Hey. Get back here.

Sh*t, there's no sign of them.

Wait, is that them?

That's them.

That's them.

Make a right.

Make a right.

They're going

in the parking garage.

Here. Here.

Park. Park.

If we keep going there

you think you're going anywhere

I don't think so

if we keep going there

you think you're going anywhere

Fifth floor.

Okay.

Follow me.

Hurry, Zoe, hurry.

Hurry.

Fifth floor.

There she is.

- Claire.

- Claire.

Claire.

They're in there.

I can see them.

Sh*t. Don't do it, Claire.

They turned out the lights.

Open up.

Go away.

Open up now!

Hey!

Claire, you're making

a big mistake!

Goddamn it,

I was just about to come.

Oh, man.

Who the hell are you?

Uh, housekeeping.

Wrong room.

Which room did she go in?

I'm not sure.

Zoe, don't!

What are you doing here?

You dirty little slut.

What?

I didn't do anything.

I mean, it's not like he

didn't try, but I love Dave.

And I'm getting married.

Shouldn't we be evacuating?

There's no fire.

There's no fire.

- It was Zoe.

- You!

Come back here.

I think we should go.

Hey, come back here!

I'm gonna get you.

I'm gonna f***ing kill you!

Hey!

Get back here!

Get back here!

I'm gonna f***ing kill you!

Claire. Claire.

Morning.

How was your bachelor party?

Right?

Well, that happens.

No, nothing special.

Okay.

Love you, too.

Bye.

Well, what happened?

He said that he lost

$300 at poker...

got sh*t-faced drunk...

had a stripper whip him...

then he puked and he blacked out.

That's it?

And you believe him?

He doesn't know he butt dialed me.

He could have lied

about the stripper.

Where's Leslie?

Whoo-hoo!

You did it.

You got laid!

Walk of shame.

Walk of shame.

My head is killing me.

How many pills did we take?

Last night was crazy.

F***ing crazy.

I want you to have this.

Your wedding ring?

I wasn't wearing it last night.

It was in my suitcase

the whole time.

Leslie, I can't.

My marriage is over...

but yours is just beginning.

You're my little sister.

You can't get married

without a ring, right?

Thanks.

Wow, it's actually much bigger

than mine, so...

Zoe, did you record

everything last night?

Like everything everything?

Like, you know what I mean?

- Let's have a look.

- Wait.

No, I don't wanna watch.

The whole thing was like...

All right,

we won't watch it then.

F*** that, I'm watching it.

They're getting away!

Go! Go!

I'm glad we interrupted

your orgasm!

Please evacuate.

Elevators are inoperable

during a fire alarm.

Please use stairs.

Please evacuate.

Elevators are inoperable

during a fire alarm.

Please use stairs.

Oh, sh*t.

Now please, will someone.

Tell me why that large woman

was attacking us?

I made a list

of all the things I would...

I thought I'd give it a try

don't push me down, don't

leave me flat on my back

you know I'm sick

and now I'm under attack

hooah, hooah

do all the things

I wish I thought of before

to many, too many nights

on the floor

took the wrong way

I got so lost, so step up

step up, step up, step up

give me one, give me two,

give me three

now, baby, give me store

baby, give me the store

whoa-oh, oh-oh,

oh-oh, oh-oh

yeah!

I know your face,

I think I've seen you before

yeah, what's the difference,

I'm just looking...

Got nothing, women,

you know better than that

you ain't no diplomat

I take it slowly

for a minute or two

could take 'em all

or leave it from you

I'm always searching

for something new

so step up

step up, step up, step up

give me one, give me two,

give me three

now give me,

give me the store

whoa-oh, oh-oh,

oh-oh, oh-oh

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