Better Off Dead... Page #3

Give her your present.

Come on.

Give her your present.

Come on.

That's a Christmas present.

Do you have Christmas

in France?

Christmas.

Christmas.

Yeah. It's from Ricky.

You can take that

wherever you go...

to always remember your trip

to the United States.

How come you're so small?

Now. Everyone's gonna be

wearing one of these this year.

Honey, what have you done?

There.

It's real aardvark fur.

Really?

Well, honey, it's sure...

warm.

- Now for the best part.

- What?

The hood.

Everybody's gonna be

wearing one of these.

Isn't it fun?

- What is it?

- I'll show you soon. Almost there.

- You'll see it in a second. Ready?

- Yeah.

- Okay?

- Okay. All right.

Al, you fixed the windows.

It's a Christmas miracle.

Wait a minute, Mr. Bear. This

is crazy. I bet we get her back.

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

Your book on how to

pick up trashy women came today.

Tell me something.

What's a little boy like you

doing with big-boy smut like this?

Hi. I was just wondering...

I know that we don't

even know each other...

but I know that you were going out

with that girl Beth.

I can see that you're not

going out with her anymore...

and I was wondering if perhaps

I could just be with her...

go to the movies,

have a soda.

- Can I talk to you for a moment?

- Yeah.

Come in here and sit down,

please, young man.

- Look, I'm sorry about the garage.

- Let me give you the bottom line.

It would be entirely beneficial...

if you were to reenter

the sociological mainstream...

by reengaging in the ritual act of

dating members of the opposite sex.

I don't wanna date other girls.

I wanna date Beth.

I'm sorry to inform you that you are

going to start dating other girls.

- Starting tonight.

- Oh?

Tonight at 6:
00,

you're picking up Joanne Greenwald.

- Your law partner's daughter?

- That's right.

The one with the big antenna

on her face?

Come on.

Mellow off.

It's a brand-new year.

There's a New Year's Eve dance

at your school.

- You kids love this disco thing.

- Disco? Come on, Dad.

You are really...

bringing me over, man.

- 6:
00.

- Right off.

- On.

- On. Right...

All right, Joanne Greenwald,

you horrible thing...

here's your one chance

to go out with a real stud.

One night with me, and she'll

probably go blind with ecstasy.

Poor creature.

I hope she doesn't

grab on to my leg and start...

crying when the date's over.

God, what do you do?

All right, Joanne Greenwald.

Hi, Joanne.

Pal, let's get something straight.

I don't wanna go out with you...

and I'm just doing this

as a favor to my dad, right?

- I know you're happy to be...

- Right.

So let's make it a whole lot

easier on ourselves, shall we?

First, we'd have gone out to dinner.

That's ten bucks apiece.

Unless you're a cheapskate...

but I'm willing to give you

the benefit of the doubt.

- Thanks.

- I would've ordered double desserts.

That's $22 altogether.

Tax and tip... 25.

Making it a grand total

of $26.37.

Half of which

is approximately $ 13.67.

Why don't you give me that 13.67,

and we'll call it a night?

- Do you take checks?

- Sure.

You never know if you're

the victim or the fool

Only know I can't stop

thinkin'about you

Love was good until

you took it on the run

But I fell too hard

I guess I ain't the one

Starin'the night away

Don't know where you are

Callin'out your name

This crazy feelin'

Of a one-way love

You want a sandwich?

Sure?

Face to face

I had no secrets to hide

Well, you sure got my vote

for cutest couple.

Better shave her a little closer

before you kiss her good night.

"You better..."

"You better shave..."

I've been searchin'every day

Tryin'to find another way

I'd be better off dead

Than to live without you

I'd rather be a fool

I'd be lost

with someone new

I'd be better off dead

Than to live without you

I've been searchin'every day

Tryin'to find another way

I'd be better off dead

Than to live without you

I'd rather be a fool

I'd be lost

with someone new

I'd be better off dead

Than to live without you

I've been searchin'every day

Tryin'to find another way

I'd be better off dead

Than to live without you

I'd rather be a fool

I'd be lost

with someone new

I'd be better off dead

Than to live without you

I'd be tempted

I'd be tempted

I'd be better off dead

Than to live without you

You're the best thing

that ever happened to me

I knew right away

I knew right away

It's okay.

I was planning on having my nose

flattened by a professional anyway.

You're that French kid staying with

the dorkheads... Smiths next door.

We're neighbors.

Me Lane.

Monique Junet.

I can't believe

you're here tonight

Who told me dreams

don't work out great

You do speak English,

don't you?

That's okay.

I don't speak French.

I had no idea

where you'd gotten off to.

You shouldn't make me worry.

I see you've made Monique's...

acquaintance.

A number of times, yes. She's

a delightful girl with a firm grip.

Mother will pick us up

at the entrance of the school.

She'll be very disappointed

if we aren't right...

at the entrance

of the school.

Tell you what. Why don't you wait

in the front of the school?

And when Mom gets here,

you have her honk the old horn.

Monique and I would like

to continue our conversation.

You should not upset Mother...

ever.

I guess people do a lot

of handshaking in France.

I wanted to let you know there's

an opening on the water ballet team.

I can make a call if you want.

Come on.

All right.

Studs and babes with Roy!

Why aren't you with Ricky?

Well, nice meeting you.

Good night.

Why weren't you there

as I told you?

- I told her, Mom.

- I know.

Don't you understand English?

Bye.

Two dollars.

Two dollars.

- Two dollars.

- Two dollars.

Keys!

Hi. How was your date?

They're out there.

They're after me.

Happy New Year.

- Honey, where's Lane?

- He just came in.

He went skiing this morning

with Charles De Mar.

I think he's in the shower.

In me, you see

A man alone

What's taking him so long?

It's his first day at work.

I don't want him to be late.

A man who listens

To the trembling of the trees

With sentimental ease

In me, you see

A man alone

Behind the wall

He's learned to call his own

A man who still goes

Walkin'in the rain

- Expecting love again

- You better...

- So you're Al Myer's kid.

- Yes, I am.

- You look pretty stupid to me.

- Thank you.

Let's see if you have any brains.

First you take the meat.

- You understand?

- Yeah.

Then you pat it

in the pig mold.

- Push it in the pig mold.

- This is a push.

This is a pat.

Then take the pig mold

and put it on the tray.

Now put on this hat.

See that sign up there?

You wear it with pride.

Put it on!

You gotta have pride and class

in this business. Understand?

Now...

What's that?

Those are the keys

to this establishment.

I want you in here at 6:00 a.m.

Saturday morning.

This place has to be mopped up

before the breakfast crew get here.

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