Better Off Single Page #9
- I have the clap.
It's like maybe inviting
another girl into the bedroom.
Maybe you could watch us?
- Astronomical.
- Wow.
Yeah. Businesswoman.
Can somebody get me a job?
- Earth to dipshit. Turn the TV off!
- Turn it off!
- Turn it the f*** off!
- Turn that f***ing TV off!
- Turn it off.
- Turn it off.
Off. Off.
Off!
That's because something's
wrong with him.
Anybody can see that.
It's because
something's wrong with him.
Anybody could see that.
Mmm.
Excuse me.
It's because something's
wrong with him.
Anybody can see that.
Ben?
- Anything else?
Right, because on this
dark street
these two huge thugs
with machetes...
- And nunchucks.
- And really bad skin.
Sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Holy sh*t. Seriously?
- Yeah, I know.
The compromises,
the... what the f***?
- "The relationship compromises.
" -Compromises.
- Aw, f*** me!
F*** me hard!
- F*** me so f***in' hard.
Peekaboo.
Peekaboo.
Peekaboo.
Resulting in your
eternal damnation
straight to hell.
Oh, stop it.
Hey, what?
It was vodka
without limes, right?
- Yeah.
- Hope you're thirsty.
Marking!
Oh!
Awesome.
- And... go.
- Oh, no, let go!
Which meant he knew how to
maximize our animalistic impulses,
optimally heightening
our sexual stimuli.
Five orgasms.
Cinco orgasmos.
You look like you've
done a lot of drugs.
- We've got...
- America. Okay?
America, not Britain.
I'm wearing
the f***ing flag pin.
Come on. Look,
she's fine.
I'll let you do that thing
to me that you really like.
I have, like,
a whole lotta lube.
F*** this!
Don't pay me enough.
- So, here we go.
- -My god.
This is how I do Voiceovers
in my house.
Five, six, seven, eight...
So keep on rollin'
in the smokin' stroller.
Available at fine
stores near you.
- What are you doing?
- I don't know.
Okay.
Let's just keep doin' it.
- That was so awesome!
- -Okay.
- We're in the pocket.
- -That was the best one.
That was best one.
Wanna do another one?
- That's a jingle, man.
- That was a good one.
- Damn!
- -Did we get it?
"67 donkeys," take 5
- how many donkeys?
- -67.
So, like, here?
Little higher.
There.
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"Better Off Single" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 12 Feb. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/better_off_single_3961>.
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