Better Than Chocolate Page #2

they're great.

But hot. Very, very hot.

I hit all the folk festivals;

did like ten portraits a day.

Paul, honey...

speed limit.

- Erotic paintings?

- Yeah, first I put paint on the person.

- On the person?

- Uh-huh.

Where are we goin' again?

Just a minute,

let me look.

'Cause I wrote it down...

on a piece of paper.

Oh, you want a chocolate?

Hey, I got a plane to catch.

Don't forget

to water the plants.

See ya.

Wow.

This is great.

- You like it?

- Yeah...

Very cool.

I don't know. I don't think my mom's

gonna like it very much.

Oh, I gotta sit down.

What are you doing?

Better Homes and D*ldos.

My mom is coming.

- I'll take them down tomorrow.

- Um-hm. You better.

Maggie...?

Oh, Jesus, turn it off.

Open up, its your bro.

It's Paul.

Paul, do you see anyone?

Yeah, Ma,

this is the place.

I don't think she's here.

Let's go get something to eat.

Margaret...?

Your mother?

Why would anybody be living here?

Are you sure this is the right spot?

I don't do family reunions so well.

I'll go out the back door.

No...

Well, then,

what are you gonna tell your mother?

- Nothing.

- Nothing?

Maybe a big fat lie.

Margaret?

Hi, honey.

Paul, she's here.

- Margaret!

- Mom!

Baby...

gosh...

oh, sweetheart.

I'm sorry, I know we're early.

Paul was driving.

- Oh, well, you know... hey, Paul.

- Sis, what's goin' on?

Good to see you.

I'm wet.

Oh, Mom, this is Kim.

Paul... Kim.

- Hello, Kim, nice to meet you.

- Hi, nice to meet you.

- You okay?

- Yes...

What a climb!

- So... this is it, huh?

- Welcome. Home, sweet home.

It's big.

You're right.

Goddesses.

I noticed that your goddesses

are all... so young and nubile.

Rather like the person your stepfather's

been having an affair with.

Haven't you heard

of the Venus of Willendorf?

Goddesses have large,

sagging breasts.

That suckled ungrateful children

and deceitful men.

- Would anyone like a beer?

- Yeah...

I'd love one.

Beer?

Yeah, I'd love one.

Beer?

Don't you have any wine?

Mom...

so I thought you could

take the bedroom, and Paul...

you could bunk down

in the hall, and...

Kim and I could bunk down

in the back room.

Kim is just staying for a...

Kim:
A while.

A short time.

Yes, I know what "a while" is.

- 'Night, Mom.

- 'Night honey, sleep well.

All set?

So, you're working

in a discount bookstore?

I am?

Oh...

"Ten Percent".

Well, got everything?

'Night, Mom.

Well, goodnight.

Oh, sorry.

Could this be love?

Shhhhh.

Must be love.

There's no other reason that we'd be

putting ourselves through this.

Shhhh.

Shut up.

Oh, come on, Maggie.

She knows.

No.

It would never occur to her.

Please.

No.

But, if she did know, she would never

let me know that she knew.

Really, well, maybe if she knew,

she'd give us the bed.

Shhh.

Oh, sh*t.

Shhhh.

- Never mind.

- You're an animal.

Morning.

Good morning.

Shouldn't you be

in school or something?

Yeah, I start Monday.

Then I write my scholarship exams.

Unlike you,

I will get to law school.

So, what happened?

Why are you and Mom here?

Mommy-o's broke.

Broke?

But Michael's a corporate lawyer,

he prints money!

Michael's been getting "some exercise"

from his partner's wife.

From Sandra

the Tequila Slushy Queen?

Yeah, for a year.

I mean she...

she had no idea.

Oh, God.

Poor Mom.

Oh, God.

I don't need another window display.

I need a lawyer.

Little Red Riding Hood?

What is going on with Customs?

Little Red Riding Hood

and the big bad wolf?

That Little Red Riding Hood?

- Do we stock that book?

- A customer ordered it for her niece.

They're trying to ruin me, Customs.

That's what it is.

Attention shoppers.

I got a letter

from my father today.

The same father who told you

to drop dead? That father?

Yes... no, well, what I mean

is his lawyer wrote me.

And he says my parents

are going to buy me a condo.

So that after the surgery

I'll have someplace to go...

to recuperate...

to have some sense of security.

I mean, wow, not a word

from them since I told them.

Nothing in two years.

And now this.

They miss me.

I'm going to write them and invite them

for a housewarming party.

Please, buy the condo

and move my mother in.

How is your Mom?

And I see you have a new friend.

Yeah. Kim is...

staying with me.

Yeah, and her mother

and her brother.

Sounds complicated.

Well, you know

I have an extra room.

This is Carla and Judy.

Hi. It's nice to meet you.

Nice meeting you.

I was thinking

of the Heritage Peak Condos

they're putting up

down the street?

Do you think

your Mom and I could live there?

Cheap and tawdry goods

masquerading as quality.

Comme moi!

I'll be a Heritage Homo.

Frances, now that I'm almost a woman

of almost means,

I was wondering if maybe you'd like

to go out with me, sometime?

Well, you know...

oh, gosh I'm really, really busy.

There's practically a war on here.

Excuse me.

You can run

but you can't hide.

So, have you told your mother

about your honeymoon yet?

No.

I want her to leave.

I don't want to kill her with the shock.

Oh, come on, she can take it.

Parents can be very resilient.

What does she do all day?

Shop. Cook.

Clean. Decorate.

She sounds lonely.

Hi, I'm Judy.

Is Maggie home?

Oh, gee, she's not, you know.

She and Kim went out again.

Oh... I brought her these

as a housewarming gift.

Well, for all of you, really.

Well, how lovely.

- I'm Lila, I'm Maggie's mother.

- Nice to meet you.

- And you're...?

- Judy. Maggie's friend Judy.

Just think of me

as the Welcome Wagon.

Well, welcome.

- Would you like to come in?

- Yes, thank you.

My, it's quite a climb, isn't it?

I almost got an aneurism.

And here...

and here.

- Lovely, thank you.

- And cheers.

- Cheers.

- Welcome.

You know, I just love that shirt.

Thank you.

I do my best with my limitations.

It's so hard to find nice things

to wear when you're my size.

Oh, you should be proud of your size.

So strong and so striking.

I think the word you're

looking for is "enormous. "

- Exotic.

- Thank you.

You know, I just wish Maggie

had some of your sense of style.

Oh, no, Lila.

Maggie's... Maggie's lovely.

- She's very clever, you know.

- Yes. Yes, she is.

But, what is going on

with her these days?

You'd have to ask her that, Lila.

So, there is something going on?

Oh, well, she's nineteen.

There's always something going on

when you're nineteen.

More wine?

Did you ever wake up one morning...

and feel that everything

in your life was wrong?

Hmmm...

Because I woke up

one morning last month, and...

and I know this sounds silly

because, you know housewives,

excuse me, "homemakers,"

as we're now called,

aren't supposed to have

existential crises.

I think homemakers have

existential crises all the time.

Well, I found out that my husband

had been having an affair.

Oh.

And it had been going on

for more than a year.

A year.

That's a long time.

I had the choice right then,

to either carry on or break it up.

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