Beware the Gonzo Page #4

It's only the first issue.

This is the premise. Parker Prep was built

over a graveyard for the criminally insane.

And now, these psychotic ghosts all rise

up from the dead and killing everyone in school.

It's up to a band of brave students

well-versed in the dark arts to save the day.

- These brave students are led by Hyperion?

- That is correct.

- I have the first 16 issues ready.

- Deadline's November 23rd. Next!

I device Rudoku, which is like

Sudoku but for word lovers.

They're fiendishly clever.

I don't think so.

This is a manifesto on the coming

environmental apocalypse

I wanna print it on the front page.

Every word.

That's cool, man...okay...

Glad someone's looking ahead.

Planning for the future.

"It's called out and about in Parker Prep"

If you're in the closet, we will hunt

you down and drag you out by force.

We're bullshit detectors too.

Right on.

His problem is he's not horny enough.

I want nudity. I want spycams

in the girls' locker room kinda sh*t.

- I mean quit teasing me, man.

- "More T and A". Duly noted, thank you very much.

You don't have to be d*cks about it.

- I'm Stone. This is Malloy.

What are you guys, characters

from a mid-70s cop show?

No, we're sophomores. And we love The Gonzo.

We want be your interns, y'know.

Fetch you coffee.

-Run you errands, whatever.

-We just wanna learn.

You guys wanna help? Get everybody in a line.

Tell them they'll all get a chance as long

as they order something to eat.

- You mean we're hired?

Correct.

Okay, people. You wanna talk, you gotta eat!

Take a menu and line your asses up.

Stone and Malloy. Good addition.

-Hey! Are you gonna tell me what's going on?

-With what?

-With Easy.

- You're hanging out, right?

-No.

C'mon. She 420-friendly, bareback-rider,

fluent in French?

Dude, c'mon. Stop.

She's not like that.

No. You're spending all of your time with her.

You cannot tell me you're just friends.

We're...

Colleagues.

Yeah, colleagues.

Geez, you are an idiot!

You. Sloppy Joe-time, of course.

Fantastic! Thank you very much.

I'm telling you, sir, you need to try this out. It's unbelievable.

Look, I bring my lunch from home.

I'll give you half.

-It's brain food.

-Oh no!

No. That sh*t is nasty. Please.

Just give my man the Joe.

- I think I want the Joe.

- Give him the Joe.

Okay! Alright.

You want the Sloppy Joe?

You got it.

Here, take a little more.

Nice and sloppy

- How long's he been in there?

- A while. He's been there a while. He's got a weak stomach.

- I hope he's okay.

- Yeah, I'm sure he's fine.

- You okay. Doing well these days?

- Yeah.

I've got it!

We do an investigative piece into the

health conditions in our cafeteria.

They shut us in that lunchroom

and then they poison us!

I bet a lot of kids have gotten sick this year.

We have to find out why.

I'm gonna give you a couple of breath mints.

Coz your breath really smell bad right

now due to the vomit in your throat.

-This is the story.

-Where do we start?

We have to get the school nurse's records.

- Gonzo! Those are confidential.

It'll never happen.

Right. All part of the cover-up.

Yeah. Let me get my laptop. I got an idea.

-What's your idea?

-Let's put a poll question on the website.

Let's see if we got any responses.

Sorry. Not a lot of people come up here.

No one, actually.

I'll be good.

You won't have to hit me.

Oh my God, we have 11 hits already.

You're kidding me.

Look who's liking the site now.

I can see that it's a useful tool.

I don't see why you have to rub it in my face.

Hey look, that cheerleader really wasn't bulimic.

She was out of school for salmonella.

Salmonella is a really serious illness.

She probably got a doctor's note.

-That's hard evidence, we can print it.

-and scan it.

This is really big.

We have to interview everybody.

Let's go over what we know.

The majority of these complaints

are about the sloppy joes, the taco or the burger.

So, class...

What do all these things have in common?

The meat. -The meat. -Meat.

- The meat!

- Good job, Rob.

-Thank you.

-Yeah, the meat.

The beef. I wonder what

company Parker Prep uses.

You can ask Principal Roy about that.

No, I couldn't. He doesn't

know we're doing another issue.

Only one way to find out.

My God, look!

Anybody in here?

Goddamn, Ratatouille!

Every night with you guys!

Let's keep shooting.

This stuff is gold.

Not only were conditions shocking

but further investigation revealed this meat to be Grade D.

which is only used in pet food and school lunches.

The expirations dates were all slightly off.

Gonzo people demand answers.

Gonzo people demand justice.

We will not stop until both are ours.

- Unacceptable!

- I told you I wasn't lying.

This is why I puked, b*tches.

Have you seen this?

This is disgusting.

I'm never going in there again.

The ink work is insane.

- This is like early Steve Ditko.

Thanks, bro.

I can put you in the next issue.

Any superpower you want.

I wanna see through walls.

Yes!

You're kidding me.

Okay, everybody! Listen up.

There are inspectors from the Board of Health in there.

They're shutting the cafeteria down! We won!

I don't think Roy can keep us inside anymore.

We gotta eat somewhere, right?

Let's get the hell outta here.

Gonzo! Gonzo!

I'm hungry!

Get some mushu pork.

Get a salad for christsake

You really think you can beat me, Gilman?

Please. You're playing checkers

and I'm playing chess.

- I'm always 10 steps ahead.

- Whatever, man.

Roy would like to see you. Now.

We had no idea he was even

doing this. Doesn't that bother you?

Honey, you act like he's building

bombs in the garage.

He's been suspended, Arthur.

That means he can't make the honor roll.

His grades are slipping too.

Columbia's gonna laugh at him.

You are like a robot now.

Who's programming you? This is magic.

Okay? Some people never do anything this

special their whole lives and you are missing it.

I'm not even sure they

have a right to suspend you.

You should fight it.

There are some first amendment issues there.

-Not the First Amendment.

-He should be able to write what he wants to write.

No one's disputing the facts of the story.

Stop it!

Do you want to make a bigger mess?

Let him get through high school

then he can save the world.

Listen, Eddie. I know how special you are.

But you just can't act on every impulse.

If you don't plan for life and put things in place,

you're gonna regret it. Trust me.

-Gonzo Gilman? The Parker Prep whistle-blower?

-Yeah that's me.

I'm Charlie Ronald. I do a segment on

"Local Heroes" on New York 3.

- Oh yeah. Charlie Ronald, "on the streets."

- "And in your face." That's me, yeah.

- Mind if I ask you a few questions?

- Yeah, sure.

Might wanna put some pants on first.

- How'd you find me?

- You're not the only one chasing stories, kid.

Stencil. Here you go, man. That's yours.

Gonzo's like Nelson Mandela

or John Gotti

Someone who fought for his people,

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