Bewitched Page #2

a nobody to play Samantha.

Be the sheriff.

Well, Jack Wyatt says

get it done, y'all.

Hey, I'm turning on the sprinklers

in my front yard.

Dimming up.

Dimming down.

Dimming up.

Dimming down.

Wow!

I don't think you quite understand.

This is very confusing.

I put the black cable in the red plug

like they said...

...and the screen is still blue.

I'm here to give you cable.

Oh, thank you, I already have some.

Hello? Don't go away, please.

To heck with all this bunk!

There.

Let's just keep this

between us, Lucinda.

Is your self-esteem low because you

aren't participating in the real world?

Yes, my self-esteem is very low.

Well, let's face it, you need a job.

There's something I have

to tell you, Darrin.

- I'm a witch.

- I'm a witch.

I am a witch.

Good. Good.

Oh, my goodness.

God bless you.

Don't look, but Jack Wyatt

is staring at you.

My heart's pounding,

and I am feeling very weird tingles.

I know. He makes me sick too.

You know him?

Jack Wyatt? The actor?

Where have you been?

- May I join you?

- Sure.

- Hi, I'm Jack Wyatt.

- I know.

Thank you.

Look, I've never done this before.

How would you like to be

on a television show?

- Ms...

- Bigelow.

Bigelow?

Isabel Bigelow.

What do you think?

Wanna be a famous actress?

- Me?

- Yeah.

- An actress?

- Yeah.

I can't act.

Anyone can act.

If I can act, you can act.

Amen.

I think those people over there

just finished their plate of hummus.

You might wanna help them

by clearing it. Thank you.

So, Isabel Bigelow,

do you have a job?

- No.

- Are you rich?

Because I am.

I'm extremely wealthy.

Which I'm about to prove to you

by taking care of this bill...

...for two dollars...

...and 31 cents.

- Wow.

- Yeah. "Wow" is right.

I have to remember

to get some money.

Yeah.

So do you wanna be

rich and famous?

I just wanna be normal.

Well, acting is better than normal.

Yeah. You get to pretend

to be normal.

And then if you're good,

you become a big star...

...and guess what happens.

- What?

You snap your fingers and pretty much

anything you want materializes.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

I have that now.

It's what I'm giving up.

Oh, it was lovely to meet you.

You seem very sweet

and unkempt and troubled.

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey. Those are bad things

to say to a person.

Oh, no, they aren't.

I think the fact that you're

a hopeless mess is very refreshing.

It moves me.

- Isabel Bigelow.

- Yes?

I need you.

What did you say?

- I said, I need you.

- You need me?

I need you.

You don't have to come audition.

Just come and show everyone

what you look like when you do it.

Like this?

Uncanny.

- It's identical.

- I told you.

You go, girl!

We would just like you

to read the script.

Start on page 13.

Should be marked there.

Read it?

Okay... Out loud.

Yeah. We want an idea

of what it could sound like.

"Int., honeymoon suite, night...

Dash, night.

Darrin and Samantha are sitting

on the bed."

Someone's not too bright.

Just... Just read the part

that says "Samantha."

"Darrin, I know it's our honeymoon,

but there's something I have to tell you.

I'm a witch."

- I'm not a witch.

- Yeah, exactly.

- No, you're giving it up.

- Who told you?

You're about to. On the next page.

It's Bewitched. The TV show.

We're redoing it.

Oh, I wasrt allowed

to watch Bewitched.

Who wasrt allowed

to watch Bewitched?

- That's great, Jack.

- That's great.

Well, I play a mortal.

And I'm in love with you.

And I don't care that you're a witch.

You don't care?

No? Is that true?

Yes, it is. Yeah.

Now go ahead and read the lines.

I'll read with you.

We'll do it together.

Randall? Where are you?

Yes. Thank you.

This'll be easy.

- Here?

- Yeah.

I'm a witch, Darrin.

A house-haunting, broomstick-flying,

cauldron-stirring witch!

Great. Great.

Know what? Let's put the script down,

let's put it away, and we'll improvise.

Jack. That was only one line.

Not a big deal.

Go ahead, just set it down.

Randall.

I'm gonna ask you questions,

just answer them as if you're a witch.

- Sure.

- Yeah.

Were your parents

in the witch business?

Both of them. My mother fixed

the 1986 World Series.

- Funny.

- Make a note of that.

Do you carry around poison apples,

like in Snow White?

Oh, no, you have to have a permit

for a poison apple.

Permit? Okay, good to know.

That's good.

Oh, what's it like to date a warlock?

Oh! Horrible.

They're self-centered, not very bright,

and all that feel-good-in-the-moment.

Not at all like you.

What's so funny?

Nothing, J-Bone.

What's your favorite spell?

Oh, no, I don't like to talk about that

because I'm quitting and...

No, talking about it

just makes it harder, so...

Are you sure you never saw

Bewitched?

She's incredibly dialed-in.

- Can I ask a question?

- Sure.

How much longer do we have to

do this for?

Oh, this?

We're almost done with this.

I mean, if you do the show,

we'll be together forever.

- You and I?

- Would you please do the show?

- What? This show?

- This show.

- The Bewitched show?

- Absolutely.

We'll work together.

We'll be partners.

Be my TV wife.

- This is very complicated.

- Marry me.

Say yes.

What are you doing, Isabel?

Easy answer.

- Yes.

- Yes!

Great. Thank you.

Okay. Let's make the deal. Right?

Once upon a time,

there was a typical American girl...

...who happened to bump into

a typical red-blooded American boy.

And she bumped into him,

and bumped into him.

So they decided they'd better

sit down and talk this over...

...before they had an accident.

They became good friends.

- Hi!

- Hello?

They brought this while you were out.

I said I'd bring it over.

I'm your neighbor, Maria Kelly.

- Come in!

- Thank you.

What is all this stuff?

I just got the most amazing job.

I'm gonna be Samantha on Bewitched.

They're redoing it.

Are you an actress?

I guess I am.

I love that show.

Is that the one about the genie?

- No.

- This is so exciting!

Oh! There you are. Come here.

This is you!

Oh, I love this show.

You know it?

Watched it every night.

Love the song. Perfect.

There you are! You're great!

Look at the nose!

I hope you can do that.

That's how I got the job.

Wriggling my nose.

- Really?

- It's easy.

Who's gonna play your husband?

- Jack Wyatt.

- Oh, my God.

He believes in me. He wants to be

partners with me. Listen to this:

"Looking forward

to working with you, Isabel.

As dictated to

Jack's assistant, Randall."

Isn't that amazing?

He's single. It's in all the tabloids.

His wife dumped him.

- Is that true?

- Yes!

Oh, my gosh.

I don't know why we're doing this,

but it's fun.

I know!

Although, you shouldn't get involved

with someone you're working with.

It can destroy your references.

I'm a career counselor and...

Well, that's the only reason

I took the job.

He is the cutest mess you have

ever seen. He is hopeless.

Oh, gosh, he's beyond mortal.

My father would never approve.

Oh. Well.

I won't?

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