Beyond the Valley of the Dolls Page #2

- Ronnie, this is my niece, Kelly.

- Every inch as ugly as you are, Susan.

Must run in the family.

I'd like you to meet Vanessa,

my escort and bodyguard.

- Pleasure.

- Come on, babe, I'll show you the dump.

Come with me. I want to show you

the most divine clairvoyant.

- What can I get you, juice or grass?

- Just a vodka and tonic, please.

Look there.

The infamous Ashley St. Ives...

...famous for her portrayals

in prettily, pornographic pictures.

See how she gives her body

to the ritual? Delicious.

Observe in yon quiet corner, an island

of tranquility in this sea of revelry.

The languid Roxanne finds beauty,

that delicate pinch of feminine spice...

...with which she so often flavors

her interludes.

Look there. Lance Rocke,

Greek god and part-time actor.

See how well he performs?

His is a special talent.

The golden hair, the bedroom eyes,

the firm young body.

These are the tools with which he plies

his trade. All are available for a price.

Beware, fair maiden, of Emerson Thorne.

Behind that friendly mask...

...lies fermenting the unholy seed

of a lawyer.

See there, behind the bar, the man

with the benign Germanic countenance?

Could that be

another face of Martin Bormann?

I've been to parties where they danced

to records by Strawberry Alarm Clock.

But this is the first time The Strawberry

Alarm Clock's ever been to the party.

What are you shelling out?

I hear the minimum is four thou.

- I get them for free. They're mine.

- Wow. Really?

Here, have some grass.

Aunt Susan won't see you.

No, thanks, man. In a scene like this,

you get a contact high!

This is my happening

and it freaks me out!

It's a stone gas, man.

Pray, we must make haste.

My time is not my own.

Before the clock strikes 12,

I must be back at Forest Lawn.

Come. I know of a cozy,

little dungeon...

...where just the two of us can curl up

with the chains and a spider.

Delighted to see my hostages

in such happy dalliance.

Pray, let them joust in peace.

You're not helping the situation any,

I must say.

Out. Out. Count Dracula relishes

an audience, only one at a time.

- Have fun.

- What is this, a studio tour?

- This looks like the...

- Master's bedroom.

Can you dig it?

Follow me, my dear.

Let me show you

one of my preoccupations.

And this is the master's bath.

Come on.

- Sorry to disturb you.

- It's cool, baby.

Hey, I've heard about trees growing

in Brooklyn, but ferns in the biffy?

- Class.

- The idea came to me in a vision.

- Every morning, I luxuriate in my bath.

- I dig, man. You're on an ego trip.

But what about the ferns?

Let's call them tropical varieties.

They thrive on the humidity...

...and they never let me forget

that all Los Angeles is a jungle.

Hello. You must be Kelly's friends.

I'm Vanessa.

- Susan, Kelly's friends have arrived.

- We've heard so much about you.

- I'm Susan Lake, Kelly's aunt.

- Hi, Miss Lake. This is Pet...

...and Casey. And I'm Harris.

- Has anyone here seen Kelly?

- I saw her a minute ago with Ronnie.

- May I lead an expedition to the bar?

- No, thanks. I'll take a rain check.

How about you two?

Excuse me.

- You don't drink?

- Later.

Yeah, later.

- Vodka gimlets.

- Thank you.

I guess liquor's considered

kind of square these days.

Same as grass.

It depends on how you use it.

Would you like to meet

some of the more interesting specimens?

Why not?

- Casey?

- I'll stay here. Go on.

- Quite a blast.

- Quite.

I make it a point never to miss one

of Ronnie's parties. Better than the zoo.

Putting people down

for having a good time?

On the contrary, my dear. But this is

hardly my idea of a civilized good time.

Casey Anderson, huh?

No relation to Senator Casey Anderson?

He's my father.

I'll bet he's highly amused

that his daughter's a hippie?

- I'm in a rock group.

- And that's your uniform?

And that's yours?

At least it's not a uniform

worn by freaks.

So the senator's daughter

is a rock 'n' roll singer, huh?

Say, do you and your friends shack up

in a minibus, or aren't things that cozy?

I couldn't help but notice

your little run-in with Porter Hall.

- Men.

- Ninety-nine percent.

Casey, I'd like to design something

for you.

Why don't you

stop by my studio sometime?

It's a trip to design for a good figure

once in a while.

Anyway, you could imagine

how this woman feels...

...when she finds out

that her 17-year-old son...

...is making it

with one of her best friends.

Now, you have to remember that she...

...has a young lover of her own.

So it makes her take

a long look at her whole scheme.

That's why in my new film,

they drag in this whole thing...

...about the lack of communication

between parents and kids.

Well, now, Harris, we meet again.

"Come into my den,"

said the spider, et cetera.

- I was looking for somebody.

- Anybody I know?

Where do you get this "anybody

I know" business?

From one of those pornographic

movies you star in?

You mean my controversial,

box-office blockbusters?

Ashley St. Ives.

I saw one of your movies once.

I think it was the one

about the teenage, incest triangle.

You'll have to help me

on the research for the next one.

- So you're an ear freak?

- Name some more.

All right, then.

How about a toe freak?

I need it. I want it.

A beautiful woman

kissing me between the toes.

People who wear sandals

must not get very many volunteers.

- I could change.

- Into something more titillating?

That sounds vaguely obscene.

You're a groovy boy.

I'd like to strap you on sometime.

And if there's anything I can't stand,

it's vagueness.

Harris.

A deathly dry gin martini.

But I thought we had

another case of scotch.

Excuse me, have you seen Kelly?

No, the last time I saw her

she was wandering around with Z-Man.

- They can be anywhere.

- Thanks.

Get yourself in gear, baby.

These people are dying of thirst.

Look, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll check. Okay?

- But, Lance, I gave you $ 1200 last week.

- I want $ 12,000, baby.

- I'm sorry.

- Perfect timing.

I was looking for the john.

Z-Man Barzell is a very rich cat, but

he doesn't have a john in the kitchen.

- Maybe I was looking for a sandwich.

- This ain't no welfare line.

Then what are you standing in it for?

- Getting my thing together.

- You putting me on?

Unmasked again.

He poses as a busboy...

...but in real life,

he's Emerson Thorne...

...ambitious, young law student...

...who studies by day

and waits by night.

I was going to say something smart-ass,

but all of a sudden you know what?

No. What?

Suddenly, I knew you

weren't putting me on...

...that you were Emerson Thorne,

ambitious, young law student...

...and all that crap.

What about that kiss

and all that crap?

There's more where that came from,

Emerson Thorne.

You're into a heavy scene.

Don't sweat it. It can be a drag.

- Am I interrupting something?

- Harris!

Only a little make out session

between Count Dracula...

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