Bicentennial Man Page #7

I have changed.

I don't mean on the outside.

Change on the inside.

-Take chances, make mistakes.

-Mistakes?

Yes! Sometimes it's important

not to be perfect, okay?

-It's important to do the wrong thing.

-Do the wrong thing?

-Yes!

-Why? Oh, I see--

to learn from your mistakes.

No, to make them.

To find out what's real and what's not.

To find out what you feel.

Human beings are

terrible messes, Andrew.

I'll grant you that.

I see.

This is what is known as

an irrational conversation, isn't it?

No, this is

a human conversation.

It's not about being rational.

It's about following your heart.

-And that's what I should do?

-Yes.

And you have a heart,

Andrew. You do.

I feel it. I don't

even believe it sometimes,

but I do feel it.

And in order to follow

that heart,

one must do

the wrong thing.

Yes.

Thank you.

Galatea, Could you be

a little more careful?

That's very delicate equipment.

-[Shattering]

-Sorry.

-What are you doing?

-Near as I can tell, your b*tch work.

My what?

Oh, you heard me,

and I'm sick of it!

All day long it's, "Yes, Rupert, sir,"

"No, Rupert, sir."

"Would you like another beverage,

Rupert, sir?"

And it chaps my ass!

So here's

a helpful hint for you:

[Shouting] Shut up,

and let me do my work!

-[Clattering]

-No, no.

I'm done.

"Chaps my ass"?

-Give me back the chip.

Where's the chip?

-I replaced it.

Andrew, she's uncooperative,

she's abusive, she's confrontational--

And a lot more interesting,

don't you think?

Arguably, but we're not getting

any work done, Andrew.

Please, please,

give me the old personality chip back.

Fine. She can be perky again.

Perky? She's just a ro--

I didn't mean it that way.

Andrew? Andrew!

I really didn't mean that.

What's the matter with you today?

Andrew, where you going?

[Classical]

[Chattering]

Hey, Jamiee, come over here.

I want you to meet Charles.

-Charles, my aunt Jamie.

-Hi, nice to meet you.

-This is Ryan.

-Hey, Ryan.

This is Michael.

The boys are great.

-[Gasps] Rupert!

-What's going on?

What's going on?

Portia's parents are throwing

an engagement party...

-that I wasn't invited

to for obvious reasons.

-Yeah.

-There he is.

-Who?

-The prospective groom.

-Where?

Where? The one in the pale blue suit

with the big pointy chin.

-He's got a pointy chin?

-Pointy chin? You could put

an eye out with that chin.

Yeah, that's nothing

compared to his teeth. Look at that.

I'm amazed he's out

in daylight.

He's got

funny teeth, huh?

You need to upgrade

your eyes.

That shouldn't stop Portia.

She can marry whoever she likes.

It's just that one day she's gonna

wake up next to him and realize...

that she is married to a man

whose face closely resembles

an antique can opener.

You know? The kind that used to go--

[Clicking]

You know? The ones that move around

and can pops off.

-You're jealous. You are jealous.

-No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

You are. Otherwise what are you

doing sneaking around here,

spying on Portia, huh?

My God, I am jealous.

If I'm jealous,

that means I'm in love.

Hi!

Oh, thanks for coming.

If I'm in love,

then all hope is gone.

I've lost her.

Andrew. Andrew!

Andy, would you like

a sip of my beer?

It would be a waste.

I could not taste it.

-What if you could?

-It would be exquisite.

I've come up with a design--

a modification, rather--

that, if I'm correct,

would enable you to deal

with solid foods and liquids.

-And taste?

-Taste too.

And also,

[Exhaling]

if my schematics

are correct,

I think I've come up

with a method...

to make you...

a complete man.

Complete?

Complete.

Complete?

Not in a reproductive sense,

of course,

but in terms

of approximating...

the physical sensation,

you know, that occurs--

[Stammering]

friction--

-Sexual relations.

-Yeah.

Oh, I've always been

fascinated by that.

Well, I mean, curious...

because--

-Well, because of what they say.

-What do they say?

That you can lose yourself--

everything,

all boundaries, all time--

the two bodies can become

so mixed up...

that you don't know

who's who or what's what.

And just when the sweet

confusion is so intense

you think you're gonna die,

you kind of do,

leaving you alone

in your separate body.

But the one you love

is still there.

That's a miracle.

You can go to heaven

and come back alive.

You can go back

anytime you want--

with the one you love.

-And you want to experience that?

-Oh, yes, please.

So do I.

[Chattering]

We'll have to hire more people.

Maybe two more weeks.

[Whispers]

Andrew.

-Excuse me. I'll be right back.

-Sure.

-I didn't expect to see you.

-[Chuckles]

I remember this place

very well.

This is where your grandmother

was married.

Yeah, I wanted it ready

for my own wedding.

So, you're not

married yet?

No, two weeks

from Saturday.

I'm not too late.

Are you absolutely positive

you're doing the right thing?

-Positive?

-About getting married?

-I'm never absolutely positive.

-So you could be doing

the wrong thing.

-No, I'm pretty sure

I'm doing the right thing.

-Great.

-Why is that great?

-In your apartment, you told me

to do the wrong thing.

Now, you are not doing the wrong thing.

You're doing the right thing.

It's safe to say you're not

following your own advice,

'cause if you were,

you would definitely not be

marrying this man, Charles.

-Because I would be doing

the right thing.

-Precisely.

In some strange way,

you're starting to make sense.

Good. Do you have any idea what

it's like to be in love with someone...

who's about to marry

someone else?

Someone totally magnificent,

someone who walks into a room

and lights it up like the sun?

Someone who you know

is lying to herself?

-Lying?

-Convincingly, yeah.

Very, very much so.

-About what?

-That you don't love me,

when I know at least

in some way you do.

-And how do you know that?

-Portia,

I have done everything

inside and out.

-But that stuff doesn't matter to me.

-Well, something matters,

'cause I'd have to believe

if nothing mattered, you'd love me...

and not some man

whose chin could sink the Titanic.

-[Laughing]

-What? See? It's true, isn't it?

I'm sorry.

Does he light you up like this?

Does he make you laugh?

Nobody makes me laugh

like this.

Good. Then admit it.

Admit that you love me.

-Give me one kiss.

-Oh, God.

That's all. One quick kiss.

just one kiss...

could not jeopardize

a glorious marriage.

Besides, it would also explain

to me why your pulse jumped

from 66 to 102 beats per minute.

Your respiration rate has doubled.

You're putting out clouds of pheromones.

-It's not fair to read me like that.

-I know. Love isn't fair.

I'm reading your heart.

I'm asking you to follow it--

begging you.

Begging is supposed to be humiliating.

I don't care.

I love you, Portia.

I loved you the very first

moment I saw you.

-I thought you said a quick kiss.

-I lied.

[Gasps]

How do you feel?

-Wonderful.

-So do I.

I guess that's the point.

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