Big Bear Page #7

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and they only come in wrappers

like the one that fell out of

your pocket back in the car.

So I guess your little part,

I'm talking about your dick,

played a pretty big part

in why she left me.

Hey, it's your robe.

Could've been your condom.

Yeah. Well...

I don't wear magnums.

Has it ever occurred to you

that that she might've left you

not because of who I am,

but because of who you aren't?

Get out.

- What?

- Hand me the shovel.

- I can keep digging.

- That's deep enough.

- No, it's not deep enough.

- Yes, it is.

It's not long enough.

Hand me the f***ing shovel!

Okay.

Get out.

Joe, calm down.

Turn around.

- All right, why don't we just...

- Shut the f*** up for once.

- Okay.

- Turn around.

Okay.

You don't need to do this, Joe.

I'm so tired of everyone telling

me what they think I need.

All right. Okay.

Maybe this is

exactly what I need.

Maybe I know.

Maybe I know what I need.

I love him.

Oh, sh*t.

Ooh!

Oh, my...

Oww!

It's all your fault, you f***!

Why'd you do this to me?

- It's my fault, okay?

- I will f***ing kill you!

- Don't kill me, please!

- Give me a f***ing reason!

Because, Joe, I have a kid!

All right?

I have a daughter.

Her name is Meg,

and she's amazing and beautiful.

Please don't take me away

from her, Joe, please.

Please don't take me

away from her, Joe. Please.

Why is your wedding ring on

if you're getting divorced?

Why do you still have

your wedding ring on?

You haven't told her yet?

I was gonna tell her today.

We weren't careful, and...

I thought it was the right thing

to do, to get married.

Was it also

the right thing to do

to cheat on your wife

with my fiance?

Jess didn't cheat on you.

Not like that.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Yeah, last night was

the first time that we ever...

Polyisoprened.

Great. You guys just started

boning last night.

That makes me feel

so much better. Thank you.

You know what, Joe?

My life is not all rosy either.

- Really?

- No, it's not.

I got married to a woman

that I barely even know.

We're not happy.

Why marry someone

you're not happy with?

It didn't seem like the most

important criteria at the time.

Why did you wanna

get married to Jess?

- Because I love her.

- Yeah?

So what?

What else?

Because we...

Because we...

We were dating.

We lived together and...

Then you get married.

So it was just a step?

Things were good.

We worked.

Isn't that why you marry someone

because you love them

and you can live with them?

No, I don't think so anymore.

I think you marry someone

because you love them,

and you can't live without them.

For the longest time, I was just

dealing with my life, you know,

because I took the step that I

thought I was supposed to take.

But that's not fair.

It's not fair to my wife,

it's not fair to my daughter,

and it's not fair to me.

Then I met Jess,

and it was different.

I was different,

and I knew immediately

that no matter what,

no matter how f***ing messy

this thing got,

no matter how painful,

this was life...

Giving me exactly what I needed:

An opportunity to start over.

Like Nair.

What?

I was relieved.

When she broke off

the engagement, I was angry

and disappointed

and pissed, but...

The first thing I felt, and I...

I didn't know why,

I was relieved.

I guess it was

a pretty good sign

that you weren't

supposed be married.

So in a way, I guess

I sort of did you a favor.

No, I'm kidding.

Jesus, man.

F***, are you for real?

I mean, after all this?

You were kidnapped,

tied up in a basement,

I put a f***ing gun to your head

and made you dig a hole

in the ground,

and you still can't say

that you feel sorry

for stealing my fiance?

Why do you care so much

about how I feel?

I don't know.

I think I thought

it would make it go away.

Make what go away?

It's like this bear

comes out of the woods

and just sits down on my chest,

and I can't breathe.

I feel like I'm gonna suffocate

because this f***ing bear

is just sitting on top of me.

Thought maybe if I got revenge,

it would stop.

So you thought if you killed me,

your panic attacks

would go away?

- What?

- You get tunnel vision?

Yeah.

Feel like your heart's beating

out of your chest?

Yeah.

I had those

right before I had my kid.

I was so f***ing scared.

How did you get it to stop?

- Well, I didn't kill anybody.

- I wasn't gonna kill you.

I just thought

maybe if I scared you,

you know, if I made you

dig your own grave...

Like in a mob movie?

Yeah.

That's ridiculous.

You know, when I get back to la,

I have nowhere to live.

I am a...

I am a homeless, underemployed,

thirty-something

single male

who just got dumped

by his fiance

because he was too afraid

to do it himself.

Well, hey,

I'm getting a divorce.

- You're gonna be a divorc.

- With a kid.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, man.

- That might be worse.

- It's way worse.

And you're never gonna

get custody of the kid

because you're leaving her,

and you're only gonna

get to see your kid

twice a month, if that.

Oh, sh*t.

Jess farts in her sleep.

Really?

Sometimes.

Just make sure

you fall asleep first.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just leave it at Jess's.

I need to get my clothes still.

Thanks.

Hey, Joe, I know you don't want

anybody telling you

what you need right now, but...

I always found it was best

just to face it head-on.

What?

The bear.

Aaahhh!

Aaahhh!

Aaahhh!

No, no!

Ohh!

Boom, boom, boom!

F*** yeah!

Oh! Oh, that was awesome.

Awesome, awesome.

That was awesome.

- You guys were great.

- F*** you!

Yeah?

F*** you.

Welcome back, amigo.

Gracias.

Ahh!

I feel so much better.

Oh, you guys

probably want those off.

Ow! Ohh!

These clamps really hurt.

What are you doing, Joe?

I think the faster, the better.

You wouldn't.

- I need to.

- No, you don't.

- Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.

- No, no, no, no!

- Don't!

I know. I know we all lose

our way from time to time.

I just thought I was

stronger than that, you know?

I'm embarrassed.

No, you're right, you're right.

Without weakness, we never

know what true strength is.

Sage words.

What time is the meeting

tomorrow night?

No, I don't need a ride.

That's cool. All right.

Thanks, Mike.

I'll see you there, definitely.

All right. Later, bye.

Sorry about that.

Hey, where's my dad's gun?

Oh, I buried it.

Really?

Yeah.

Damn it, man!

He's gonna be really pissed off.

Well, I hate my dad.

You need a place to crash

for a while, Joe?

Uh, no, I'm good. Thanks.

Where are you gonna stay?

I have no idea.

- Hey, dude!

- What, what?

Come over here.

Give me a hug, man.

See, what you were scared of

this whole time

is exactly what you've been

fighting for, man.

Hey!

Did I tell you

what to think, man?

Well, good.

But I hope you didn't listen.

At least in hindsight.

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