Big Daddy Page #8

...who would she pick?

Sonny.

Thank you, Julian.

You can step down now.

That went good, don't you think?

I don't know.

Judge doesn't look too happy.

Mr. Koufax, anyone else?

I'd like to call upon myself,

Your Honor.

Awesome.

Which of your esteemed co-counsels

will examine you?

My father, Lenny Koufax.

What?

Forget it, Sonny.

What is going on?

Nobody in this world thinks I shouldn't

have a child more than that man.

He also happens to be

a well-respected lawyer in Florida.

If I can make a believer out of him,

I can make a believer out of everybody.

This court is after the truth, not

the opinion of the defendant's father.

You want my opinion?

My son is a moron.

I withdraw my objection.

Please proceed.

This is a big mistake.

I only came today to make sure

you didn't end up in jail.

That was nice of you. Thank you.

To do what I think is right here.

Cut your fingernails.

They're too long.

Okay, Dad.

This case is simple.

It is absurd to think that Sonny Koufax

is ready to raise a child.

- Objection!

- Shut up, Tommy.

Sorry, Mr. Koufax.

First of all, how did...

...this sweet little boy, Julian,

end up under your supervision?

I told Social Services

that my name was Kevin Gerrity.

- Of course, you are not Kevin Gerrity.

- No.

- So you lied.

- Yes.

Like the time I found a bag of pot

in your drawer...

...and you said you thought

they were pencil shavings.

Remember when I told you Aunt Fay

was coming to New York...

...and I wanted you to

show her the city?

And you said that you had

better things to do.

That's right.

I'm curious. Just what were those

better things that you had to do?

Jethro Tull had a reunion concert

in New Jersey, so I caught that.

What happened to Aunt Fay

that weekend?

She died.

Yes, she did.

Did you happen to make it

to her funeral?

Why not?

I went to Jones Beach,

got drunk and fell asleep.

Hell, yes!

Some role model.

Your Honor...

...my son doesn't have health insurance.

He doesn't know how to boil an egg.

He filed for social security

at the age of 30.

He is a drain on the economy,

on the country...

...and most of all, on me!

Your Honor...

...to give this young man...

...custody over another life

is not only wrong...

...it's insane.

I love you.

What?

Don't be scared. It's all right.

I'm not scared.

If I get custody of Julian,

I'll be his father forever.

That scares you because you think

there's a good chance I'll fail.

Sonny, it's more than a chance.

It's a certainty.

You're wrong, Dad.

You can be scared that I might get

pickpocketed in a bad neighborhood...

...or break my legs skiing.

But don't be scared about me

being a dad, because I will not fail.

I love this kid too much.

I love him as much as

you love me, Dad.

I'm gonna give him advice

and I'm gonna guide him...

...and I'll be there

whenever he needs me.

I'll fly to New York to be

at his court case...

...even if I disagree with

why he's there.

But, Sonny, you work in a tollbooth.

Don't worry about money.

I am in love with a beautiful girl

who makes plenty of it.

She'll be my sugar mama.

I gotta get me one of those.

I know this is the right thing

because I would die for this kid...

...just so he won't feel

one ounce of sadness.

That's why you're here right now,

to protect me, to be scared for me...

...to be a good father.

And that's exactly what I'm gonna be.

Hello, Dad?

Yeah, I just wanted to say I love you.

Hi, Mom? Could you put Dad

on the phone for a second?

Can I borrow that when you're done?

Your Honor...

...my son deserves this kid.

I love you too, sir.

Mr. Koufax...

...the fact is

you kidnapped this child.

Not only shouldn't you get custody...

...but since you obtained him

by defrauding the state...

...you should be in jail.

Bailiff, remand him until

I can figure out the punishment.

Wait. You can't take him away.

As that boy's father,

I refuse to press charges.

Oh, God. Corinne, I'm sorry.

Six years ago, Joe Carter...

Joe Carter?

Toronto and the Phillies.

World Series.

Mitch Williams...

We flew up for the night.

There was a girl.

Oh, God.

I'm an idiot. I was so hammered.

Chicken wings, Molson 3-0.

Canadian beer is like moonshine.

Hell, yes.

You remember?

It was at that Toronto Hooters.

That was before he met you.

That Hooters thing is a coincidence.

I'm sorry, Corinne.

I know this changes everything,

but I had to do the right thing.

Mr. Castellucci.

Pending a blood test, I...

Whatever.

The court grants custody to Kevin

Gerrity, pending the DNA test results.

I want you to be my dad, Sonny.

I know. I do too, pal.

But I'm not sure that can happen

exactly the way we want it.

Because it seems you

already have a daddy.

But I'll tell you what I can do.

I can be your friend, no matter what.

All right?

I'll always be your friend.

I'll always be your family.

I'll always be around.

I promise.

The kid's good at tying his shoes.

He's not great at it,

so work with him.

- I'll teach him bunny ears.

- What's bunny ears?

Make bunny ears,

cross and pull them through.

I go with this loop, swoop

and pull thing. He likes that.

- I don't know that.

- Go with the loop, swoop and pull.

I swear to God it's working.

All right.

Go with the bunny ears thing.

You're his dad, right? I'm sorry.

It's important, when you eat

at my restaurant...

...you never order BLT.

You must trust me.

Stay away from BLT, okay?

Hey, guys.

I'm gonna leave you

with your dad now, Julian.

He's a good man.

I've known him my whole life.

So you two have fun

and I'll see you in the morning.

All right?

- Quit scaring the kid for a minute.

- Who am I scaring?

Bye, pal.

I went to China.

Do you know where that is?

It's in Asia, which is...

...by Europe.

I brought some cool stuff back.

Did you move the bench?

That's pretty funny.

You know what I got?

Some noisemakers. Check this out.

Wanna try one?

That's my foot!

You're nice man.

I've got Spice Channel.

It's blurry but it's nice.

Let's make this quick.

I gotta get to work.

Holy sh*t. Sonny Koufax

would rather work than eat.

I'm working on a big case.

I gotta sue you for making me come here.

Surprise!

Did you just waste

the good surprise on me again?

Hi, Corinne.

- Happy birthday.

- Thanks, everybody.

Hey, you guys. How are you?

Happy birthday, Daddy.

How you doing, cutie?

Sonny, I beat you so bad

in basketball yesterday.

From now on, I have to

stop letting you win.

I stopped that months ago.

He still wins.

That's because you suck.

Corinne, put a tank top on

for old time's sake.

- What is he talking about, Mommy?

- Nothing.

- Happy birthday, Sonny.

- Thank you.

It's a clock radio.

- Thanks for telling me.

- I have to split.

I got deliveries.

Hang out with us. We'll have fun.

No, I can't stay.

I'll hang for a little bit.

There you go. Come on,

let's eat, everybody.

Hey, you! Still missing

that tooth, huh?

Can we get some fries?

Vanessa.

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