Big Fat Liar Page #7

I just-- I--|Do not touch!

[Car Brakes Squealing]

Hey! Everything okay here?.

Urkel.Jaleel.

Oh, my God, my man. This is incredible.|You gotta get me outta here, buddy.

- Hop in.|- No, no!

Mr. Wolf, please, no.|Please, no.|It's locked.

My pincer--|Can you unlock--|No, no, no.

[ Stammering, Protesting ]|No, Mr. Wolf!. Please.|Drive!

Sayonara, loser.

[ Sobbing ]

F-Man to J-Dog. F-Man to J-Dog.|The baton has been passed.

Roger that, F-Man.|Well done.

Who's the bad actor now,|Mr. Wolf?. Those were real tears!

K-Bird, the baton|has been passed.

Got it.

Nice car!|TV money, baby.

Didn't wear those glasses and suspenders|all those years for free, dog.

That's a relief. Do you, uh--|Do you know where you're goin'?.

Takin' a shortcut. Look,|just throw your seat back|and relax, Wolf Man.

- You're in Jaleel's hands now.|- [ Laughs ]

Okay.|Whoo!

[ Yelps ] You did a fishtail!|That was a close one.

Oh, yeah!

##[Rap]|Yeah, baby!

Whoo! Yeah!|Where in the hell|are you taking me?.

I told you. I know a shortcut.|Through the desert?

Slow down, you maniac!|I'm gettin' out!

- It's your call, baby.|- I'm gonna do it.

- Do what you gotta do.|- I am gettin' out, pal.

Go!

## [Rap Continues ]|Not bad.|Yo,Jaleel at the wheel.

The condor has flown the coop.|Roger that,J-Dub.|Wait. What does that mean?.

Means I'm leavin' Wolf|in the middle ofthe desert.|Urkel is out! Whoo!

[ Grunts ]

[ Screams ]

[ Dialing ]

[ Phone Rings ]|Hello?.

Ah, Monty, it's me.

Oh, hey, Marty.|Is everything okay?.

No, no, no.|Everything is fine.

Except, uh, oh, yeah.|I'm stuck in the middle of the desert!

Do you hear what I am saying to you?.|The what?.

The desert!|You gotta get me outta here.

How?.|I don't care how, Monty!Just do it!

[ Disconnects ]

Ready to go Wolfhunting?.

I borrowed the chopper|from the shoot.

You're in good hands, Wolf.|I flew 49 combat missions in Vietnam.

All right. Save me|the sob story, Methuselah.

I already sat through Platoon.

Just get me to the set!

[ Laughs ]

# Right here|Right now#

# Right here|Right now #

# Right here|Right now #

- # Right here, right now #|- This is Father Time.|We're headed your way.

Roger that, F.T.

- They're airborne.|- Copy that.

Let's punch a hole in the sky,|Grandpa. Go, go, go!

Let's get a tail wind behind this bird,|old-timer. [ Whooping]

## [Rap ]

Brando to base. Brando to base.|The sheep has located the|Shepherds and we're coming home.

Yes!

[ Beeping ]

Oh, boy.

What's that?.|What's happening?.

One of our blades is jammed.|We're gonna have to do a forced evac.

What-- What are you|talking about?.

Come on, we gotta jump.|This bird is going down!

[ Beeping ]

Aah!

Are you kidding me?.|I wish I was.

You're gonna have to hold on tight.|We've only got one chute.

I hope it supports us both.

Wait! This is insanity!|Vince!

Have you done this before?.

Oh, don't worry, Wolf.|I'm a professional.

Granddad's been doin' this|a long, long time.

[ Laughs ]|Vince!

[Beeping Continues ]

This is Chopper One to Control.|Papa Bear and the Wolf|have left the building.

# Right here|Right now##

Not like this!|Oh, sweet God! Not like this!

Aaaah!

Ah. Hello, sir.

- Where's Wolf?.|- Uh, late.

Bad.

[Phone Ringing]

- Hello?.|- I'm on the lot, Monty!|I'll be there in a minute!

- Marty!|- I'm not lying.

Just stall Duncan another|second. Okay?. I'm coming.

- Hey, Wolf.|- How's it hangin', Shepherd?.

##[Western Showdown Theme ]

[ Funnybones Squeaks ]

[ Gasps ]

Gimme back my monkey.

- Come and get him.|- [ Sighs ]

You two! Good-bye!

I'm comin', Funnybones!

[ Yells ]

[ People Shouting ]

## ["Deck The Halls"]

Look out!

Come on!

Right behind ya, Shepherd!

## [Mexican ]

You can't out run the Wolf, kid!

Yeah, we'll see about that.

Hang on, Funnybones,|Daddy's coming!

He's all yours, Lester.

- [ Computer Beeps ]|- Activate water.

Aaah!

Who's the geek boy now?.|You spaz!

This is it, Monty. Ifhe's not here|in 60 seconds, this movie's over.

Right up there is where|the big stunt is taking place.

This way.

"Help! Come and rescue me, Marty."

Feet, don't fail me now.

[ Moans ]

Let go of the monkey.

- Call my dad.|- Never.

- Yes.|- No!

Ah! Gotcha, kid.

It's over.|You lose, and I win.

I don't think so, Wolf.|Oh, you don't think so?.

Come on,Jason.|You're smarter than that.

You write a story,|I steal it, and now I'm|about to start shooting...

the greatest movie|of my career.

So you admit|you stole my story?.

We've been over this.|It's ancient history.

Yeah, I stole your story!|Whoop-di-doodle-doo!|You happy now?.

I stoleJason Shepherd's paper|and turned it into Big Fat Liar!

You know who's listening, pal?.|Hmm?. No one.

And they never will.|So for the last time, give it up!

Because I will never, ever, ever--|like never, ever, ever,

ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever--|infinity--

tell the truth.|[ Blowing Raspberry ]

Because the truth's overrated, right?.

That's right!|[Man ]|And cut!

Huh?.

I told you, Wolf. The only way|to shoot this scene is from|1 2 different camera angles...

with birds flyin' around.

Oh, and, by the by,

Confucius say,|"Kastang, you're busted."

Rock 'n' roll, baby.

It's just like you wanted, Wolf.

The press is all here.

You stole the idea for this|movie from a 1 3-year-old boy?.

He's, um--

He's 1 4.

This is the end ofthe line, Wolf.

It's over.

[ Growls ]

Wolf, I wanna say thanks.

You taught me|a valuable lesson.

The truth:
|It's not overrated.

[ Laughing ]

I am gonna get you, Shepherd!

[Screams ]

[ Applauding ]

You did all this just|to prove you weren't lying?.

I wanted to earn|your trust back, Dad.

You've earned it, buddy.|You've earned it.

Hey!

[ Laughs ]|We got a movie to shoot. Huh?.

Come on.|Let's make some magic.

The human hit factory|is ready to roll!

[ Laughs ]

Yeah, let's go home.

Hey, where do you think|you're going?.

You cannot turn your backs|on me!

I'm Marty Wolf!.|All right, fine!

Fine! You're all fired!

[Man]|You suck, Marty.

You, uh, certainly know|how to make an entrance.

What can I say?. I got big feet.

[ Laughs ]

You were right, Penny.|The truth: It's not overrated.

[Audience Applauding]

Whoo!

Oh, oh!

Congratulations.|It was incredible.

[ Rings ]

[ Sighs ]|It's show time.

Hey, kids.|I'm Wolfie the Clown.

Whoo! And, uh, "I'm Mr. Funnybones!|Happy birthday, Darren."

- Oh, my God!|- Oh, no.

Yo, Little Mash.|Show him your nutcracker.

[ Yells ]

- [ Kids Cheering ]|- [ Screaming ]

[ Groans ]

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back#

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Can you move it like this #

# I can shake it right back #

# Come on, ladies|rock the party #

# Shake your body, everybody #

# Come on, everybody #

# Let's move it all night #

# Uh, uh-huh #

# Gonna take you back|to the old school #

# Can you feel the vibe #

# Let's dance to the rhythm|and let me see you #

# Why you waste time #

# Uh, uh-huh #

#Jump back and do the twist #

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