Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son Page #8

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Left foot, red.

They gave you a bag about an hour ago.

Right foot, yellow.

Oh! That Jasmine and Isabelle.

(GRUNTS) Sorry, Big Momma.

You know, those girls could be in a

lot of trouble. And so could you.

So who you holding that bag for?

Someone outside the school?

You really want to see that bag?

Damn!

Right hand, blue.

Are you...

Is it blue?

Mmm-hmm. Right hand, blue.

Come to papa.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

KURTIS:
Left hand, green!

Oh, well...

Looks like we're all out of green. Game over.

No, no, no. I got your green.

(GRUNTS)

Okay. Go ahead. Reach for the stars, baby.

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Oh, hell, no!

What's wrong with your voice?

You heard me. Get your ass up.

Sister, you a brother?

Not again.

You touch me again, I'll knock you into next Sunday.

Hand over the bag. Hand over the bag, now!

Every time I try to meet somebody,

it's ding-a-ling-a-ling!

Be quiet! All right?

I'm undercover. FBI. Now give me the damn bag.

Wow. (EXCLAIMS IMPATIENTLY)

What the hell?

What the hell is a grown man

doing with a damn rooster?

(SIGHS) The girls stole it from St. Ignatius.

The boys' school? They're the Gamecocks.

They were gonna give it back after the Showcase.

(CLUCKING)

You want to finish the game?

Come on.

Where are we going?

You'll see. Okay.

Wow.

It's my home away from home.

This is nice.

Tomorrow night's the Showcase

and it's my best shot at getting

a scholarship for composition.

Without a scholarship, I'm out.

Everyone is gonna be there, you know?

Juilliard, Berklee, Peabody and Oberlin.

All right, look. Okay. So, I see

a beautiful woman right now.

I see a dope piano.

And nobody's playing it.

You want me to play?

Yeah.

Right now.

All right, I guess I gotta play it.

No, no, don't touch my piano.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Okay, please don't judge. It's rough.

(PLAYING SOULFUL TUNE)

(SINGING WORDLESS MELODY)

See? It's not totally there yet.

I don't know, something's missing.

No, it's not missing nothing. It's tight.

You just got to feel it, you know what I mean?

You got to, like, speed it up a little bit.

Speed it up? Yeah.

Okay, um...

(PLAYING SLIGHTLY FASTER)

Yeah. Yeah.

That's better, right? Yeah.

(SINGING WORDLESS MELODY)

(SINGING) You've given me everything

You make me complete

(SINGING WORDLESS MELODY)

Yeah, I like that, I like that.

You like that?

Should we syncopate it?

(SIGHS) Look, normally, I don't syncopate

on the first date, but...

(SINGING WORDLESS MELODY)

(HARMONIZING)

All right, this is what we're gonna do next, right?

You're gonna go up a little higher.

You know what I mean?

Up an octave?

Yeah, an octave.

(PLAYING HIGHER)

(SINGING) Baby, you know

You are the air that I breathe

The life that's in me

(RAPPING) Me and you, we chillin' Hangin', cruisin'

Me and you together ain't worth losin'

On the keys, being crazy

Happy that I get to see you daily

Each time I see you

My heart starts to pound

Whenever you come around

'Cause you are all I need

(SINGING WORDLESS MELODY)

You've given me everything

You make me complete

Yeah, you are all I need

You're making me better, see

All of the love that you're giving me

How did you... That song is amazing.

It's perfect, right?

We have to do it at the Showcase tomorrow night.

We?

Yeah, we'll blow everyone away!

I mean, you know, it's your show. I'll be watching.

No, come on, you're a part of

this. I can't do it without you.

Please?

What time? Really?

Thank you!

I have to go back to the dorms before I get in trouble.

Yo.

Let's break night.

"Break night." Yeah.

I love that.

You're so amazing with words.

I can't believe you don't want to go to college.

I mean, all of those writers and poets you could study.

You know, I just figured I got

to strike while the iron's hot.

Jay-Z didn't drop Reasonable Doubt until he was 27.

Said the world's in a rush, but he waited to be perfect.

Hmm.

Well,

I'm feeling pretty perfect right now.

Me, too.

I have curfew.

See you tomorrow night?

Yeah.

Yeah, tomorrow night!

Kid's here to see his girlfriend, not his father.

Then take him. We'll kill him later.

Right now, he's bait.

Okay.

Let's go get him.

Let's go. Come on.

Two girls in one night.

You got to give the kid credit.

Not so much.

You idiots! How could you lose him?

I don't know. But I know where to find his girlfriend.

Both of them.

(ROOSTER CROWING)

Here's the deal.

You want me to keep your secret

about kidnapping Foghorn Leghorn here,

then tell me what you know about the

music box missing from the library.

Okay. That a girl.

There's a music box in the library and now it's missing.

(GROWLING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Big Momma, I have been looking for...

(CROWING)

What is the St. Ignatius mascot doing here?

Okay, I'm going to give you to the count of three.

And if nobody speaks up, then neither

of you is going to the Showcase.

One.

Two.

MALCOLM:
They didn't steal the bird!

Uh, they found it.

Yeah, it was wandering around the

quad and they brought it to me.

GAIL:
Oh. Well...

Thank you, girls.

There go one of my flock in need of some counseling.

Listen. I suggest you get this bird back to St. Ignatius

before it lays any more eggs.

But it's a rooster.

Child, they all taste the same

when you preheat the oven to 350.

Try it!

(IN NORMAL VOICE) You!

Stop!

Come here! Come here!

Come here!

MIA:
I know that I've left you

a couple of other voice mails.

You can ignore those.

I can call you back.

(IN WOMANLY VOICE) Drive!

I can't! Delant used to drive me

everywhere! I barely know...

Child, I told you, you don't need

no damn Delant! Now, drive!

Turn!

I almost hit him!

Almost don't count.

(HORN HONKING)

Now take it up to 80.

Eighty?

You heard me! Eighty!

Great. I'm being followed by a

fat lady in a driver's ed car!

She's catching up.

Turn here!

There! I'm going to pull the emergency brake.

(MALCOLM EXCLAIMING)

This little go-kart handles well.

Keep driving! Go!

Now don't slow down.

You're going to kill us!

Without Delant, you got nothing to live for.

No, I do! I have friends and I have school...

That was amazing!

VLAD:
Watch out!

What do we do now?

Pray for the airbags.

I can do this!

Well, I think you learned enough for one day. I'll drive.

Oh, my gosh, there they are!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Have you lost your mind?

They're driving backwards.

Oh, God!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

This is making me nauseous.

(GASPING)

Wow, that was fun! Let's do it again.

MALCOLM:
They were here. I gotta

believe they're coming back.

They're going to kill me.

You've never taken off that dress.

How would they know you were here?

They wouldn't. But if they did.

Trent, is there something you want to tell me?

No.

Now, listen. Get back in costume.

Do not get out of it under any circumstances.

All right? All right.

Hey. Don't worry.

I'll find it when everyone's at the Showcase tonight.

Okay? All right.

ISABELLE:
You guys have to see.

(ALL GASPING)

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