Big Trouble Page #2

- I'm going.

Next time

I see you again...

you're dead.

Out!

Out.

You can stay.

They took all my money.

It's okay.

Free beer.

Aluminum, huh?

We sponsor

girls' softball team.

You want to make $5?

That too.

Is not for us.

Package deal -

suitcase or nothing.

Lay it down gentle

so as not to fall.

Strong.

Come back tomorrow 1:00.

maybe I have more job

for you.

Eliot:

After only one day in miami,

Puggy had

a more satisfying career

and lived in a better

neighborhood than I did.

Sound system sucks.

Why'd your dad buy a Geo?

He thinks he's a loser,

so he bought a loser car.

Besides, he's a dork.

Super Soaker 600 holds

a gallon of water,

accurate up to 50 feet.

So, what's the plan -

through the front?

Yeah.

"It's matt Arnold.

I'm here to kill

your daughter, Jenny. "

No, we gotta go over

the wall, dickweed.

I just hope she doesn't see

this stupid turdmobile.

Martha Stewart;

Spread it out on your bed...

Where's Arthur?

I haven't seen him

since his third scotch.

...These corners

are in the inside corners.

And there.

A rather clumsy task is

accomplished in no time.

It's a good thing.

T alk to me, martha.

Good night, Nina.

- I was wondering

if you'd like a drink.

Something with tequila?

Eliot:
Arthur Herk -

one of the few Floridians

who was not confused

when he voted for Pat Buchanan.

No, thank you, mr. Herk.

I'm very tired tonight.

Of course you are,

because you work so hard,

you're on your feet

all day.

A woman's feet

are very important.

Let's have

a foot massage.

But, mr. Herk,

mrs. Anna -

Oh, it's okay.

She's watching television.

And I'm not gonna tell her

that I was here,

and you're not

going to tell her either,

are you, Nina?

Your strong,

sturdy ankles,

your proud peasant arches.

Nina...

let me clean your toes

with my tongue.

Nina!

Nina!

Nina! Nina...

Come out of there.

This is my house.

You work for me, and I

want to suck your toes.

Hope they don't have

a dog.

Eliot:
As it happens,

the Herks did have a dog.

His name was Roger,

and he was the random result

of generations

of hasty, unplanned dog sex.

For the past three months,

Roger had eaten nothing but dirt.

That was when the most evil

being in the universe

entered his life.

Under the influence of the

toad's hallucinogenic chemicals,

Roger thought his furry butt

was a 24-ounce porterhouse.

...Nice cut of meat.

And notice how it is nice and

thick all along up till about here,

and then it kind of tapers off.

She looks like

she has nice feet.

What are you watching her

cook for, anyway?

All you know how to make

are reservations.

Good one, Arthur.

What?

Leave her alone.

Whoa-ho!

I'm gonna see what else

is on.

They have a dog.

Hope they don't have a dog.

They have a dog.

Come on. Get outta here,

you mangy...

That's our guy.

Kill him now, we make

the 11;40 back to Newark.

I can't. He's too close

to the women.

Yeah, you don't

shoot him soon,

I'm dead

from these mosquitoes.

Look at this thing.

He's the size of a Buick.

- She.

- She what?

The mosquito is a she.

How the hell

can you tell that?

Discovery Channel.

Only the female mosquito

sucks your blood.

Sounds like my ex-wife.

B*tch.

I'm going to my room

where it's not so -

I don't know - stupid.

Good night, mom.

Aw, good night, honey.

I think I'll let Roger in

and go to bed, too.

Here we go.

Roger!

I'll witness from here

in case her dad shoots us.

With what,

the remote control?

This is miami.

He has a gun.

We got an interloper.

Not a problem.

- Good night.

Hey, Jenny!

You son of a b*tch!

You leave her alone!

Aaaah!

Nina!

- Leonard?

Leonard?

Uh. Oh.

I don't want any trouble.

me neither.

It was a gift

from the wife.

You don't want to be holding

that when the police get here.

Up.

I'll go around back.

Got it.

You son of a b*tch!

Freeze!

Everybody, hold it!

Son of a b*tch!

Hey, hey, hey!

Stop it!

Slowly.

Freeze!

It's all right, Walter.

What happened?

- This person tried to kill us.

- No.

No. It's me. It's matt Arnold.

I'm in her Biology class.

It was a squirt gun.

It's a squirt gun.

Oh, sh*t.

We have this game

at school - "Killer. "

You get somebody's name, and

you're supposed to squirt them.

In their house at night?

What kind of a game is that?

It's about time

you putzes got here.

- And your name is?

- This is my house.

Good for you.

Your name is?

Arthur Herk.

I know the mayor.

What took you people

so goddamn long?

We came as soon

as we got the call, sir.

my TV.

He broke my TV.

You son of a b*tch!

I'm gonna make you pay for that,

and you're gonna go to jail!

- It was a squirt gun, sir.

- What?!

Squirt - squirt gun.

It's a good thing

you ran away, Arthur.

You might have gotten wet.

Shut up!

Monica; Easy.

Don't tell me easy!

This is my goddamn house!

And these are my handcuffs,

and if you don't take it easy,

you'll be wearing my handcuffs

in your goddamn house.

That's right, sir.

Okay.

One at a time, starting

with mr. Killer over here.

What happened?

me and Andrew were outside.

- "Andrew and I."

- Thank you.

Who's Andrew?

Nobody.

Andrew's nobody.

So you were outside

with a squirt gun

and an imaginary friend?

Yeah.

Okay. So you and your

imaginary friend are outside.

- Then what happens?

Officer Kramitz, would you

please go see who that is?

You'll be okay?

Coming!

Uh, Jenny's mom

opened the door,

and I came running up

to squirt her.

And then, uh,

mrs. Herk jumped me -

or jumped on me.

And, uh, and then

I went down on Jenny -

or I f-fell on Jenny.

This guy says

that his son is here.

I'm Eliot Arnold.

I got a call from Andrew.

You all right, matt?

Yeah.

Andrew

the imaginary friend?

Arthur; Yeah, well,

you better have a good lawyer,

because your dumb-ass son

broke my TV.

That's an RCA

39-inch horizontal!

35-inch diagonal.

Could somebody just tell me

what happened?

I was trying to sh-

squirt Jenny,

and her mom jumped me.

Jesus, matt.

Look, I'm sorry

that my kid squirted

your daughter.

I- I mean, I'm - that

he - that he got her wet.

I mean,

the way he described it,

I thought

it was just a game.

Hey, kids - you know.

Yeah? Well, your jerk-off kid

is going to jail.

monica,

take a look at this.

Who shot the TV?

Shot it?

Nobody shot it.

Well, this is a bullet.

Monica; Wait a minute.

matt, when you and your

imaginary friend were outside,

- did you see anyone else?

- No.

mrs. Herk, do you live here

with anyone

besides your husband

and your daughter?

Well, there's...

Where's Nina?

Jesus.

Puggy.

Anna; Nina?!

my God,

the woman of the house.

I have to go.

Nina? That's you?

What's your name?

Puggy.

Nina!

I don't think they know

I live here.

I won't tell.

There was another shooter.

Man; What do you mean?

What do I mean?

What do you mean,

what do I mean?

I mean there was another

shooter, is what I mean.

So, did you take care

of the job or not?

Not.

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