Big Trouble Page #3

Well, did the other shooter

take care of it?

Hold on a second.

- Not right now, okay?

It's cool, man.

Hello?!

Yeah, I'm here.

We want this job finished

as soon as possible.

You got that right.

I'll tell you who did it.

It's probably

some goddamn kids.

'Cause these goddamn kids

today -

they all got goddamn guns,

and they're all sniffing glue!

Any additional insights,

mr. Herk?

Any information can

help us to protect you.

I seriously doubt that you or any other

member of the police force in this town

could protect their own d*cks

with both hands.

Thank you

for that observation.

I'm not gonna

arrest you, Matt,

unless mrs. Herk

wants to press charges.

Hey - kids.

I want to press charges!

Cuff him!

my hands are kind of full

right now,

what with holding my dick

and all.

This "Killer" thing's

really stupid, matt.

Yes, ma'am.

Good - now you

and your shithead kid

can get the hell out of here

and never come back.

Thanks for everything.

I'll walk you out.

Go get the Geo,

will you, matt?

You have a Geo?

A metro, the LDl coupe,

or the hatchback?

my biological father

sells them in Tulsa.

If the salesman tried to pitch you on

free undercoating, it's total bullshit.

They fall apart

before they rust.

60% of the parts are made from

recycled plastic soda bottles.

It's true.

Listen, I'm sorry

my husband's such an idiot.

He's probably really upset

because someone shot his TV.

No, he's an idiot.

Do you think someone's

trying to kill him?

God, I hope so.

What does a guy like Arthur

do for a living?

He's an executive

at Penultra Corporation.

I did

an article on them once.

They built the jail downtown

where the plumbing doesn't work.

I called it

"Crapital Punishment. "

Eliot Arnold

from The Herald?

I used to read your column.

You were so funny.

What happened?

I lost my sense of humor

in the divorce.

How does a guy like Arthur

end up

with someone like you?

I married him

when Jenny was little.

my first husband

left us kind of early,

and we had to move to this

crappy little apartment.

And I met Arthur.

He was different then.

I keep looking up divorce

lawyers in the phone book,

but then I think about

that horrible apartment.

It's unavailable.

I live there.

Can I borrow this?

I'm totally into

The Seminal Fluids.

Arthur threw mine out

at the carwash.

He doesn't think it's music

unless somebody's

playing an accordion.

I'll drive.

I say we blame

the whole evening

on rap music and too much

violence on television.

You could yell at me if it'd

make you feel more dad-like.

I don't want

to yell at you.

Why don't we talk?

You and I -

let's just talk.

Come on.

Okay. mom wanted me

to remind you

that the alimony check

is due monday.

See?

That wasn't so hard.

Look, Matt -

Dad, I messed up tonight.

Everybody messes up.

You know that

better than anybody.

So all I'm saying is

I don't think I need

any fatherly advice from you

about how to live my life

when you're not doing

such a hot job living yours.

Hey, we're talking.

Okay.

Now it's my turn.

Up yours,

you little shithead.

Your turn.

Puggy.

I bring you some lunch.

Listen... I love you.

You see?

You see the difference?

You ask a guy

what he wants -

tits or an ugly fish -

see what he tells you.

- Probably...

- Tits! I gotta boogie.

Hey, she should

be leaning over

for maximum exposure.

maximum exposure...

Anna; Maximum exposure?

That's advertising

terminology.

Oh, I see.

T o what do I owe

this pleasure?

Uh, did you happen to lose

a pair of reading glasses

last night?

I don't wear glasses.

Oh, well, then, I guess I

made the trip for nothing.

Nonsense. I'll need them one day

- not right this minute.

Well, things change.

I'll need them.

Um, hey, could I offer you

some coffee?

That would be wonderful.

It's more of a dare

than an offer, actually.

Did the police

find anything?

Well,

after meeting Arthur,

they figure

I'm the primary suspect.

So...

How do you, uh...

like it?

Oh, light and... sweet.

I forgot my jacket.

Got room for a third?

No harm in asking.

I hope

I didn't hurt you.

No, no, that's -

Didn't know I was, um -

well, we should go.

Let's - let's, uh...

Yeah.

It's probably a good idea.

You should go.

Eliot:
Later that day,

Arthur Herk stopped by to have

a friendly chat with his boss.

morning, douche bag.

Arthur?

Jesus. What happened

to your hair?

It's a wig, you moron.

Don't act stupid.

I know you know

what's going on.

Those dickwads upstairs

are trying to have me whacked!

Hey, hey, first of all, those

decisions are made way over my head.

And secondly, you stole money

from them, Arthur!

What do you expect them

to do?!

Look, b*tch, you take that express

elevator upstairs to the top floor,

and you tell those sugar-cane-sucking

scumbags to lay off,

or I'm gonna blow the lid

on this whole operation!

You're putting me

in a very awkward position.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. No. No.

An awkward position

is what you're going to be in

when the FBl is shining a

proctoscope up your big, fat ass!

I have evidence,

and I'll use it!

Eliot:

He didn't have evidence,

but he knew

where he could get some.

And that made Arthur Herk

a very dangerous man.

Arthur may not have been

a genius,

but he did know that the bullet

that went through Xena's head

was meant for his.

Penultra Construction had arranged

for the hit when they discovered

Arthur had been skimming money

from the company.

Up until yesterday, Arthur Herk

had been their bagman.

Gentlemen...

we have a problem.

Can I get personal?

Oh, now you're asking?

Your daughter

really likes you.

Yeah. We have

a pretty good relationship.

The divorce, Arthur

- she doesn't throw any of that in your face?

Oh, I told Jenny a long time

ago that I wasn't perfect.

She tried

to accept my mistakes,

and I try to accept hers.

Sounds simple.

Well, I mean,

it wasn't that simple

when she came home with a

scorpion tattooed on her butt.

matt hates me.

He basically thinks

I'm a loser.

He called me a loser,

so I called him a shithead.

If we had bad teeth, we

could go on "Jerry Springer. "

So, what you're telling me

is that her mom beat you up?

Well, she's

in pretty good shape, man.

I mean, she could snap you

like a toothpick.

Hey.

Hi.

You -

don't stare at my b*obs.

So, did they give you points

for the kill?

No, they said

it didn't count.

Well, I know this won't end

till it ends,

so I'd like to get this

over with.

You can squirt me tonight

over at Bayside.

I'll be outside The Gap

at around 8:
00, okay?

Okay.

And you - don't look

at my ass when I walk away.

I can't make

that promise.

"You can squirt me tonight

down at Bayside. "

You're gonna remember that line

when you're an old dude, dude.

- You looking at her ass?

- Yeah.

There's some things

I'd like to know.

For instance, who's the guy

running around with the rifle?

And who in the hell is the guy

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