Big Trouble Page #4

jumping on me from out of a tree?

What guy in a tree?

That's what I'm wondering.

Look, you brought us

down here

to do a simple job -

in, out, bing, bang.

All of a sudden, I got

Geronimo running into the house

and Tarzan landing

on my coconut.

Your primary concern

is to finish this job

before a certain party

shoots his mouth off.

Excuse me.

Nice.

Gentlemen, would you mind

putting out your cigars, please?

- Come again?

- I asked...

Would you mind putting

out your cigars, please?

As a matter of fact,

I would mind.

Well, you see, the reason

I ask - all due respect -

I got a great New York strip

sitting over there,

cost me $27 and change,

and it tastes like

I'm eating a cigar.

Listen, ace, number one,

you're eating a steak

at a place

called Joe's Stone Crab.

And number two,

there's no rule that says

we can't smoke.

Well, number one,

my name is not Ace.

And number two, I'm not

talking about rules here.

I'm talking about manners.

You see, there is no rule

that says

I can't come over here

and fart on your entree,

but I don't do it.

Why? Because

it's not good manners.

So I ask you again

in the nicest possible way

to please put out

the cigars, okay?

Thank you.

I hope you realize you've

just committed assault.

I know, I know -

you know, I remember a time

was you actually

had to hit somebody.

You go tell your employer

it's gonna cost him

another 10 G's apiece.

Okay.

But we want this finished

as soon as possible.

Well, believe me,

we don't want to spend

any more time in this

garden spot than we have to.

Got that right.

Whoa.

Look at those wheels.

Douche bag's probably

some kind of drug kingpin.

Bet he's got a helicopter

and a big-ass boat

and a pad down in the Bahamas

like a tax shelter.

Stayed in one of them shelters

once. Didn't like it much.

I'm tired of living

foot to mouth.

Let's go to The Jackal.

There's something

I want to do.

I don't want to mess

with that bartender

and his baseball bat.

man on television:... In

the lightweight division.

Heather is from Woodland Hills,

California.

What do you see right away?

man #2 on television:

She's got very good balance.

She's got

good muscularity.

She's going through

a routine right now.

Hello, Mr. Herk.

Something to drink?

I need a missile.

This for you?

This is personal missile?

What the flying sh*t

do you care?

Usually you drop money,

somebody else

pick up equipment.

What, are you keeping

a diary?

You got a goddamn missile

or not?

Right now,

do not have missile.

missile wery hard to get.

Well, I want you to try

wery goddamn hard

to get a missile.

You got me, comrade?

- You pay?

$10,000.

maybe I have item

for you.

What the hell is that?

Bomb.

Looks like

a garbage disposal.

Is big bomb.

Take a look.

Okay.

I'm not long

for this place.

my brother's working security

at the airport.

Big time.

Oh, yeah.

Check this out.

Well, we're not

supposed to carry guns.

Well, we're not supposed

to drink on the job either.

All right. Let's reconnoiter

back here at 2100 hours.

10:
00.

man on radio:
Just one brave

Gator fan to call.

Where are the Gator fans now?

All you Gator fans call

when you win.

But now that you lose, you don't

have the guts to call in.

I'm waiting for one,

just one...

What the hell are Gators?

Football - college.

- morons.

- mm-hmm.

man #2 on radio:
I'm a

Gator fan, and I'm calling.

And what do you

have to say?

Well, you said we don't

have the guts to call,

and I'm calling.

That's it? You're calling

to say you're calling?

This town gives me

a headache.

Why do you think he'd

come here, a guy like that?

Good job, nice house,

plenty of cheese.

What - what's he doing

in a shithole like this?

maybe it's Happy Hour.

I might as well have a bucket

over my head.

Keep walking. Don't do

nothing stupid in there.

As far as I'm concerned,

this whole idea is stupid.

I think we got Gator fans.

Is that a squirt gun

in your pocket,

or were you happy

to see me?

So, where are we

gonna do this?

We don't want to make

a scene, like last time.

Well, there's a parking lot

behind the drugstore.

Sounds like a good place

to die.

maybe you could buy me

some lip gloss afterwards.

Are you staring

at her ass?

You're not?

Whip out your pistol,

cowboy.

Where do you want me

to shoot you?

Why don't you shoot her

in the crotch?

You could be like a couple.

This is a friend of yours?

How about I just shoot you

on your hand?

my first hand job.

- Freeze!

- move, move, move!

- Who's shooting?

Andrew, come on!

- Come on, Andrew!

Holy sh*t.

Oh, sh*t.

Eliot:
At that very moment,

Officers Romero and Kramitz

were headed westbound

on Biscayne Boulevard.

Three months earlier,

they had been involved

in a scuffle with a crack dealer

at the very intersection

they were now passing through.

Romero's shirt had been torn

open in the altercation,

revealing a red bustier

from the Victoria's Secret's

"Desire" collection.

Kramitz had never gotten it out

of his mind.

So, I was thinking maybe you and

me could get together sometime.

Walter, do you want

to have sex with me?

Eliot:

Walter couldn't believe it.

Had he somehow found

the wormhole in the universe

that guys have been seeking

for eons -

the wormhole

that would allow him

to bypass all the talking

and talking and talking

and just do it?

Walter thought hard

about how he would phrase his

response to monica's question.

Yeah.

Well, I don't want

to have sex with you.

You're a married man.

Yeah, but not happily.

- Man with a gun.

Police! Put the gun down

right now!

It's not my gun.

Some guy -

Put down the gun!

I'm a very good student.

- Shut up, punk.

- Officer Kramitz,

he looks about as menacing

as a Backstreet Boy.

Can I talk to him

for a second?

What's your name?

Andrew Ryan.

Andrew Ryan, what are you

doing with a gun?

Some weird guy

was shooting at us.

He dropped it,

and I picked it up and ran.

Who's "us"?

my friends -

matt and Jenny.

Police! Police!

That's correct.

We are the police.

Jack Pendick,

Big Sky Security.

There was a girl

in the parking lot,

and they were gonna shoot her

with a gun.

Hmm. Let me guess -

a squirt gun, right?

Yeah.

Mr. Pendick, does this

firearm belong to you?

Yes.

No.

Have you been drinking

tonight, mr. Pendick?

Absolutely not.

Monica; Go get him, Walter.

Stick 'em up.

Remember me?

No.

I ain't done

with you yet.

Open the cash register.

Reach for that baseball bat,

and I blow your head off.

Okay, Eddie, go get it.

Woman on television:

... A little bit too much.

The choreography is starting

to lag. There you go.

Get the big bills first.

Which big bills?

This one

or the other one?

- Where's the money?

- I have money.

$18?!

What kind of bar is this?

Business very bad.

Is bad location.

Snake, check it out. It's

the kingpin with the Fag Jag.

You - give me your watch.

Oh... nice.

All right.

Now give me your wallet.

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