Big Trouble Page #5

What's in there?

A bomb.

- Right.

- No, it's a bomb.

These guys are Russians,

and they sell bombs.

- Bombs? No bombs. Is bar.

- Is bar.

Hey, Eddie

open the suitcase.

What if it is a bomb?

Well, then you'll get blown

up, and nobody will miss you.

Open it.

Looks like

a garbage disposal.

Nah, it's a time-lock

safe thing.

Probably got drugs

or emeralds in it.

Snake, let's get

the hell out of here.

I think I hear one of them

silent alarms.

Are your wheels outside?

Give me the keys.

All right,

latch up the suitcase.

We're going for a ride.

Kingpin's coming with us.

No, no, no, you don't want me.

You don't want me.

You want these guys.

These guys are Russians.

- They have missiles.

There's - - Shut up, a**hole!

Snake, I think we done

pretty good.

Why don't

we just call it a day?

We got an opportunity here,

Eddie.

Now, maybe you don't see it,

but I do.

And that's why I'm me,

and you're you.

This guy's probably got lots

of cool sh*t back at his place.

So that's where we're going,

and we're taking this with us.

I bet it's pure

14-karat gold in there.

It's heavy.

Snake; Pick it up.

- You...

Get back around here

with your friend.

That'll teach you to hit

people with baseball bats.

Sit down!

If you a**holes try to call

the cops after we leave,

the next bullet

goes through your head.

Let's go!

Kingpin!

...Gator fans.

And the Japanese doctor

says,

"Lady,

you have Ed Zachary disease. "

And the lady goes,

"Oh, no, Ed Zachary disease.

What does it mean?"

And the doctor says,

"It mean your face look

Ed Zachary like your ass. "

Get it?

"Your - your face look

Ed Zachary like your ass. "

Who thinks

this sh*t up, huh?

man:
The point is that all these

Gators ever do is talk trash.

Then when they lose, you don't

hear a peep out of them.

man #2:
Well, I'm a Gator fan,

and I'm talking to you right now.

So what's your problem?

You said we don't have the

guts to call, and I'm call-

These guys need a hobby.

There's our guy.

And I believe that's Tarzan.

Where do you think they're

going - our boy's house?

"Ed Zachary. "

Officer.

Officer, what's going on?

Well, we had

a little shooting,

but we got it under control,

miss...

Weintraub -

Heather Weintraub.

Pretty name.

I want to talk to your two

friends. Any idea where they are?

They probably went back

to Jenny's house.

Officer Kramitz!

10-4.

Well, we gotta take care

of something.

Official business.

Code seven.

See you later.

Let's move!

Nothing to see here!

Let's go!

You ready to roll?

Let me drive, okay?

The house

where the TV got shot.

Didn't we

do this last night?

mm-hmm.

They're in the living room.

Strip poker. Strip poker -

now, that's a good game.

This is a stupid game.

Dad, no offense, but only a moron

would mistake that for a real gun.

You could've been killed.

And where's your partner

in crime?

- Andrew?

- He ran the other way.

Did anybody call the police?

Anna; I'm making coffee.

Do you want some?

I'll call the police.

New TV?

Arthur bought it

this afternoon.

God forbid he should miss

"Xena:
Warrior Princess. "

If we don't shoot somebody

soon, I'm gonna forget how.

Let's do it.

Well, I suppose you're right.

Technically, it's not an emergency, but -

Woman; Please hold

and your call will be...

The police

just put me on hold.

I, uh, met with

a divorce attorney today.

Jenny?

Those kids won't be happy

till they get arrested.

Hi.

We're friends of Arthur's.

Hello.

Hello! Hello!

Woman;

Your call is very important...

Everybody shut up!

Unless you wanna get shot

where the sun don't shine.

Don't think I don't know

where that is either!

A shot.

maybe the pantyhose gang

beat us to the draw.

- Again with the TV.

- Shut up.

Take that stupid thing

off your head.

Yeah, nice place.

What are you,

martha Stewart?

make yourself useful

and tie everybody up.

With what?

Woman; 911 operator.

- This is Eliot Arnold.

This.

Well, I can only do a

slipknot, a double knot, and a -

What do you call it?

The bowman.

What do you want?

You going for eagle scout?

Tie 'em up.

Baptist church

two blocks over.

FBl Agent Pat Greer.

Alan Seitz.

How can I help FBl?

Well, you can tell FBl

where the suitcase is, Ivan.

- my name is John.

- Sure it is.

Your name is John,

and you're just a hardworking,

law-abiding,

small immigrant businessman,

running a shithole bar

where you got... no customers.

- Bad location.

- Yes, it is.

I'd like to take a look around

the back room right there,

the one

with all the locks.

You have warrant?

Ain't that heartwarming?

You know, the way a man can

come here from another country,

and in just a short time

here in America,

he has embraced our way

of living to the point

where he wants to know

if we got a warrant.

Don't that just warm the cockles

of your heart, Agent Seitz?

It warms the sh*t

out of my cockles.

My cockles are burning.

We don't need a warrant.

You see,

we're operating under -

What's that thing called we're

operating under again, Agent Seitz?

Special Executive Order

768-04.

That's it - Special Executive Order

768-04, which basically means that,

if it's a matter

of national security,

we can send a search party and

a Doberman pinscher up your ass.

I want lawyer.

Did you hear that,

Agent Seitz?

He want lawyer.

As is his right

under our Constitution,

which we hold sacred.

Want me to shoot him

in the forehead?

- Yeah, go ahead.

Just playing.

Come here.

my partner wants to shoot you

in the forehead,

which I have absolutely no

doubt that he can legally do

under Special

Executive Order 768-

- Dash 04.

- Dash 04.

Now, me, I'm thinking,

wouldn't it be better

if you just reached into

your pocket, got the keys,

and showed me around

that back room -

the one

with all the locks.

- Yes?

- Hi, mrs. Herk.

Do you mind

if we talk to Jenny

about something that happened

at Bayside tonight?

She's not in trouble, but it's

important that we talk to her.

- Oh, Jenny's not here.

- Do you mind if we come in for a minute?

No, no.

I- I mean, yes, I mind.

- I mean -

- monica.

What do we have here? If it

ain't a Dick and a Dickless Tracy.

You're making

a big mistake.

Story of my life.

What's happening?

Well, moron number one

is tying up the family.

So take the shot.

Well, I would, but moron

number two just came back

with a couple

of Miami's finest.

- Hold on.

Hold it a second.

We have a "Die Hard" situation

developing in the kitchen.

- What?

- There's a guy there in the kitchen.

A guy?

What - what's he doing?

Well, my guess is he's either

gonna whack 'em

with a rolling pin

or he's gonna bake 'em a cake.

It could go either way

with this crew.

Holy sh*t!

Betty Crocker's

got a squirt gun.

Let me look.

Forget about it. This is

better than Pay-Per-View.

There goes the warranty,

and here comes

The Iron Chef.

One wrong move, and you'll

be crapping lead for a week.

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