Big Trouble In Little China Page #2

And then they sent for their families

to help build this beautiful Chinatown

you see outside your window

this fine warm day.

- Go right, down that alley. Lords of Death!

- What alley?

Go right! Now!

- Where the hell are we?

- Come on, Jack.

Excuse me, ma'am.

I don't suppose you saw a...

No.

Keep moving.

- What is it? A parade?

- A funeral.

- A fighting tong. They're Chang Sings.

- A fighting tong?

Don't panic, Jack.

They're OK. They're good guys.

Maybe we should try a different alley.

What do you say?

Wang, these guys, these Sing Dings.

They got enemies?

- Wing Kong.

- Who wear red turbans?

Holy sh*t!

These guys are animals, Jack.

- What's happening, Wang?

- Chinese standoff.

A what?

Don't make a sound.

Who's that?

No questions! Just get outta here, Jack!

Jack!

- I think it was Lo Pan.

- Who?

- Don't look, Jack!

- I already did.

- Who? I mean, what?

- Lo Pan. Come on!

- I can't see!

- It's OK. It's only temporary. Over here.

Bend over.

Yeah, yeah.

I ran straight through him, Wang.

How the hell did I do that?

- You didn't. It only appeared that way.

- Right!

- Lords of Death, Jack.

- OK, I'm goin' home. Keep your money.

- Hey, Wang Chi!

- Lookin' for us?

- They know your name.

- That's not good. Let's go!

- My truck!

- Forget it!

Lords of Death controlled by the Wing Kong,

Jack. Just errand boys for the Wing Kong.

Great! Who wiped out all those

yellow turbans? Those guys were winning.

He says it was the Storms. The Three Storms.

Three guys did all that? Listen.

What about that...

whatever it was I ran straight through?

Fast!

Lucky us. We made it.

- All right, where's my truck? I'm outta here.

- Isn't your truck insured?

- Of course it is.

- Then smart man gets it later.

- Smart man calls the cops.

- Cops got better things to do than get killed.

So do I!

Mutual Fidelity Insurers of Sacramento.

Well, there's gotta be a listing, honey.

I pay 'em six G's a year in premiums.

China is here, Mr Burton.

The Chang Sing, the Wing Kong.

- They've been fighting for centuries.

- What does that mean? "China is here"?

I don't know what that means. All I know is,

this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air

in the middle of an alley, while his buddies

fly around, cuttin' everybody to shreds,

and he stands there, waiting for me

to drive my truck straight through him,

- with light comin' out of his mouth!

- Jack, please.

- When did this happen?

- It didn't, not like he says.

Yeah, it did. Two hours ago. Tall guy, weird

clothes. First you see him, then you don't.

Lo Pan appeared on the street?

- Why didn't you tell me?

- I didn't want to alarm you, Uncle.

I'm gonna tell you about an accident

and I don't wanna hear "act of God", OK?

All right, look. What's your name?

Mine's Jack Burton.

- Good afternoon, Mr Wong.

- Eddie Lee, meet my friend, Jack Burton.

- Eddie's the new matre d' here.

- And a whole lot more.

Well, I don't know my policy number.

It's in the glove compartment.

Just look under B-U-R-T-O-N, will ya?

- Jack Burton?

- Yeah.

Boy. The guy you always told me about.

- Then that was your abandoned truck.

- Abandoned, like hell!

Hello. Hello?

Oh, Christ!

Bad news. The Lords of Death

stole it after you ran away.

- They stole my truck?

- Take it easy, Jack. You're with friends.

- We'll find it for you.

- Damn right you will.

And my money. And time is money to a guy

like me. And your phone is dead, by the way.

- How do you think I feel? I lost a whole girl!

- The Lords of Death were only on ajoyride.

Not acting on orders from the Wing Kong.

They just wanted a girl to sell

and Miao Yin got in the way.

Plus, the skirmish you guys stumbled into.

Lo Pan, the word is, ordered the boss of

the Chang Sings, Mr Lem Lee, assassinated.

- That was his funeral.

- It was a war, Eddie.

- What are you doing here?

- Don't panic. It's only me, Gracie Law.

Great.

Just passing the neighbourhood

on a dark and stormy night?

- This is my neighbourhood.

- Sure it was a war.

And anybody that showed up was gonnajoin

Lem Lee in the hell of being cut to pieces.

- Hell of being what?

- The Chinese have a lotta hells.

- And what the hell is Gracie Law doing here?

- She can't get enough of me.

He wishes. Look, you know me.

I'm always pokin' my nose where it

doesn't belong and, I admit it,

this mix-up is my fault, sort of.

But I have it on good advice that the punks

thatjumped me and took his truck,

they took the girl they kidnapped to the

White Tiger's for a quick sale. Who was she?

- My fiance. The White Tiger's?

- Oh, God. I'm sorry.

If we go tonight, we can buy her back.

A warrant's too complicated,

- violence out of the question...

- Hold it! Slow down.

- I'm feelin' like an outsider here.

- You are!

Jack, listen. I need more of your help.

I can't pay you today, OK?

- Sh*t.

- How can I? I need the cash for Miao Yin.

- And it's gonna cost. She's got green eyes.

- Seriously? That's an extra.

It's like leather bucket seats: double the price.

- Look, this Lo Pan I ran over... through...

- Has spirit-medium powers.

Like the immortals.

His flesh and his bones are atomised.

He becomes the dream.

- What?

- That's an exaggeration, Jack, I promise.

Please, help me.

I got a great idea.

- Relax.

- I am relaxed.

Look, this is as far as I go,

because I'm a dead giveaway, see?

I'd go in there with you, but they know

my face and they'd wanna push it in.

- Not while I'm around.

- It's all up to you now, Jack.

My destiny rests in your capable hands.

- I'll do my best.

- Make them drop their guard.

- I'll try.

- Look stupid.

He does.

Boy, it sure is rainin' cats and dogs.

The cab driver said... He told me that I could...

Well, that the White Tiger would...

Just a minute, please.

Excuse me for a second, guys.

I think I know that car.

What's she doing now?

Strange girl.

That building there. The White Tiger.

God, it's creepy. Do we have to go in?

Because I will, if we have to.

I'll go anywhere or do anything

to get my story. It's my big break.

Just sit tight. We've got one of our best men

inside right now, stirring the pot.

How do you do, ma'am? Henry Swanson's

my name and excitement's my game.

- Cash or charge?

- Gosh! Cash, I guess.

I mean, it's not deductible, is it?

Mrs O'Toole will take care of your needs.

Boy, I wish these were in colour.

Because what I really am

in the mood for is a girl with green eyes.

And price is no object, Mrs O'Toole.

Fresh off the boat's the way I like 'em.

The more exotic the better.

Chinese girls do not come with green eyes.

- Too long. Let's go in.

- It's only been ten minutes.

Give the guy a chance.

- So how long you been in the US of A?

- Three months.

- Where from?

- Hong Kong.

What happens? You stay here a while?

Old girls leave, new girls come in?

Maybe. Take your tie off, please.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

My wife gave it to me for Christmas.

Holy sh*t!

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