Big Trouble In Little China Page #3

Green explosions? People flyin' in and out?

That was not real. I wanna talk to the cops.

I want my truck back.

Now where the hell am I?

- My office. Sit down.

- You sleep in your office?

What I need to get straight is...

These Storms, what are they? Magicians?

- Yeah, sort of. It's hard to explain.

- Try real hard.

If the Storms have Miao Yin,

there's one place they'd go.

Lo Pan. The godfather of Little China,

Mr David Lo Pan.

You mean the Lo Pan that's

chairman of the National Orient Bank

and owns the Wing Kong Trading Company,

but who's so reclusive

that no one has laid eyes on him in years?

Who the hell are you, anyway?

I'm Margo Litzenberger.

I'm with the Berkeley People's Herald.

I've been trying to get somebody from

the press to listen to me about this, Burton.

It's not possible that you saw David Lo Pan.

The bastard's afraid to show his face.

- He's got more enemies...

- He's got Miao Yin. I'm going!

- Are you nuts?

- Who's that?

It's OK, Tara. You can go back to sleep.

- From the airport.

- This morning, sure.

That's why I was there. I was protecting her

civil rights, making sure she gets a chance.

This is just so shocking. I mean,

I mustjust be so monumentally naive.

- You are.

- Now we have to grab your fiance...

Wait a minute! I'm a reasonable guy,

but I've experienced

some unreasonable things.

- It depends on how you look at it.

- The hell it does! So somebody

- tell me what is goin' on!

- The truth?

- I can take it.

- We don't know.

- I'm going now, alone if I have to!

- Where? It's pouring out.

- Lo Pan's. The Wing Kong Exchange.

- The Wing Kong Exchange?

The most dangerous den of madmen

in Chinatown? You can't waltz in like...

Like the wind. Yes, I can, Miss Law.

My mind and my spirits are as one.

- As two. I said I was comin'.

- I'd go with you...

I know. There's a problem with your face.

OK! You people sit tight,

hold the fort and keep the home fires burning.

If we're not back by dawn, call the president.

- This is gonna take crackerjack timing.

- Total concentration. You ready, Jack?

I was born ready.

I love working nights.

Don't get up. Phone company.

All right, boys, where's the main panel?

Probably through here.

Wang.

Good work, Jack.

I think they actually fell for it.

Well, last time we had this problem was

on account of squirrels chewin' the wires.

- I'd better locate the central junction box.

- I think it's down there.

What does that say?

- Hell of boiling oil.

- You're kidding!

Yeah, I am. It says "Keep out."

We've got to do something!

Goat butts against a hedge

and its horns become entangled.

- I don't think I've had the pleasure.

- Miss Gracie Law, Mr Egg Shen.

Egg's kind of our local authority on Lo Pan.

- He's helping us out.

- It has been almost two hours.

- Let's go over there, beat down the door...

- No, Miss Law.

We have to gather our strength,

because now there's clouds and thunder.

The image of difficulty at the beginning.

But finally we shall bring order out of chaos.

- Look.

- Yeah.

What you got here is two

people dragging a third.

Miao Yin!

- You did that, right?

- I guess so. I hope so.

Jack, check this out.

So what is this? Chinese or somethin'?

- Countin' backwards?

- Not backwards. Downwards.

Of course the Chinese mix everything up.

Look at what they have to work with.

There's Buddhism, Confucianism

and Taoist alchemy and sorcery.

We take what we want and leave the rest.

Just like your salad bar.

But there is one thing

even David Lo Pan must acknowledge.

All movement in the universe is caused by

tension between positive and negative furies.

- So when the furies are out of balance...

- As they are in Lo Pan, who is cursed.

Then the people

turn into demons and live for ever.

Repulsive and evil,

existing only to plague the living.

Well then, what you're saying is

this David Lo Pan... What is he? A ghost?

Plays at being a man.

A creature of vast, dark, destructive power.

All right, out this hatch and up the cable.

Does that sound like a brilliant idea or what?

The cable is three storeys high

and covered with grease.

Exactly. It's real and we can touch it,

so at least we know where we stand.

Yeah, in deep sh*t.

- What?

- What the hell...?

- Sh*t!

- See?

You think they'd let us

walk in and out like the wind?

Yes.

I thought that was your whole damn point!

My point was to find Miao Yin at any cost!

- This is salt water, Wang.

- And get your truck back!

- I'll buy another one.

- But there's only one Miao Yin!

Jesus Christ! Where are we?

Hell of the upside-down sinners!

Hey, you! Come on over here

and fight like a man!

Sh*t, Jack. I don't like the looks of this.

- Where are we, Wang?

- You are nowhere!

Oh, boy.

Look, we came here to see David Lo Pan,

all right?

David Lo Pan?

- Then you have succeeded, Mr Burton.

- What, you?

- I don't get this at all. I thought...

- Shut up, Mr Burton!

- You are not put upon this world to "get it".

- Come on! Lo Pan is like...

Nothing you can understand.

There are many mysteries and unanswerable

questions, even in a life as short as yours.

The way I see it, it doesn't mean

we shouldn't ask. Where's my truck?

You are not looking for a truck. You're

looking for a girl. A girl with green eyes.

- Yes.

- She must be something extraordinary.

Or I'm not about to waste another 2,000 years.

There can't be many Chinese girls

with green eyes these days.

- There are not. Never were.

- So beggars can't be choosers.

But I can!

Tell me about Miao Yin.

What province is she from? Hunan?

Her mother? Her father?

He must be a holy man. I must know.

You got a tongue, Dave. Ask her yourself.

Mr Burton, if you have an influence over

your youthful friend, you better exert it now.

Otherwise I will send both of you to

the hell where people are skinned alive.

It's that simple. Understand?

- Are you crazy? Is that your problem?

- No, he means it, Jack.

My problem is this place.

This place is my tomb. I'm buried here.

A young man, a king, a warrior,

is entombed in this old man's crippled body.

And all I need is a woman, Mr Burton,

a special kind of woman

with dragon-green eyes,

to make me whole and young again, so that I

may rule the universe from beyond the grave.

- Ch'ing-ti. The God of the East.

- Who, him? This guy?

No, not me, Mr Burton.

My demon. The god I must appease

in order to regain my heart, my blood.

A girl with green eyes to satisfy Ch'ing-ti,

a girl brave enough

to embrace the naked blade.

- When I find her, I will marry her.

- Never!

Ch'ing-ti will be happy and my curse lifted.

You can rule the universe

from beyond the grave.

- Indeed!

- Or check into a psycho ward.

Whichever comes first.

What, I'm supposed to buy this sh*t? 2,000

years and he can't find a broad to fit the bill?

Come on, Dave, you must be doin'

somethin' seriously wrong.

There have been others, to be sure.

There are always others, are there not?

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