Big White Page #5

He did... not! No! He didn't!

What do you mean? Did not.

How can you tell? There's no leg!

You taped my brother's body

in a morgue. And this! What's this?

You stole family pictures!

You videotaped the naked chewed

corpse of my little brother!

What the kind of sick company

are you running here, sir?

This is crazy! This is crazy!

All we have to do is dig up the body

I'm not talking to you!

Dig up the body and check

for laser scars! Dental records!

- All right. All right!

- All right. All right!

Mr. Barnell, I'm so very sorry

that it's come to this.

We will have a check brought to you first

thing in the morning.

Thank you.

Jesus. Thank God he's not suing us.

Tomorrow, you will deliver a check

to Mr. Barnell

with a complete apology.

Mr. Branch, I know how this looks...

It looks like you beat hell

out of a policy holder!

Now, send Cam in here.

While you've been out on

your little Easter egg hunt,

your junior found us a way out

on that warehouse robbery.

Head Office is going to bump him a level.

I'll go get him.

Head Office is very keen on him.

They've asked me

to feel him out about a transfer.

County Coroner.

It's a Disinterment Order.

Hello. Yes, I was wondering

if you could tell me

which department is in charge of...

Sure, I'll hold.

Hang on, Mag Pie. Hang on.

Listen, you little prick!

We want what's coming to us!

I know you are, but what am I?

Gary!

Gary!

Your turn to deal with it!

If I come out of this bathroom,

I swear to God I'll put

a f***ing bullet in her head!

I know you are, but what am I?

Ray. Can I talk to you for a moment?

Ladies.

Ladies.

Listen, who's...?

The prostitutes?

I sure as hell hope so.

'Cause Jehovah's Witness won't lick your lolly

no matter how much you pay them.

How'd you get them here?

I just put it on my plastic.

It's got my name on it and everything.

"It's everywhere that we want to be. "

You can't use this.

No, no, no. Think. Okay? Ray?

You're not using your head, Raymond.

The f*** you say.

What in blazes is that on the counter, Ray?

That's "muh gun", Paul.

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Barnell. It's Jimbo.

Sorry, I can't...

Are you having a party?

There's no party.

Put my wife on the phone.

- Sir, that's not right.

- Now! Please.

- Thirty, sorry, starting now!

- I have to talk to my wife.

Well, he wants to talk to her.

Okay, hold on.

Twenty-five!

Paul, are you entertaining?

Oh, Margaret, no!

Oh, God, Jesus, are you all right?

Fifteen! Have you got the body?

Paul, we need more chips!

Have you got the body?

Paul, the carrot little weasely one

wants to carrot screw me

with his sick carrot little cock.

And he's messing up my kitchen.

Cock, cock, cock, cock...

You sick you don't hurt her!

I didn't say anything like that.

I didn't. Ten seconds! Yes or no?

Paul, where's the chips?

Yes. You'll have it tomorrow.

Now put my wife back...

Hello!

I think I managed to avoid a trace.

We're staying in his house.

Right.

Hello! Can I help you?

Mr. Watters.

Mr. Barnell, I...

I have your check.

Really?

Yeah.

Thank you very much.

I appreciate that. Please sit.

Avis.

Did you have an accident?

Well, no, actually I was mugged.

The police say it was just

a random act of violence,

but who knows, right?

I have to get you to sign right here

where I marked

an X. And...

I'd like to apologize for...

No. No, please. No need.

Well, that's quite the shell.

It's a gift from my brother, Raymond.

He brought it back from Florida for me,

and now it's all I have to remember him by.

Well, that and a million dollars.

Boy, things really worked out for you

this time, didn't they?

- Lots of cash. Newly single guy...

- I'm not single.

Well, what are you gonna do?

You gonna go down to Club Med

and see how much a big bankroll can buy?

Maybe get some hookers?

I love my wife, Mr. Watters.

Very much.

Can we level with each other

for a moment? How... how did...

Avis!

Avis!

I got it.

A second. Thank you.

That's where you went!

That's quite the display.

They do some very nice

in-store promotions.

Here it is, Mr. Barnell.

I thought someone

might have walked out with it.

It's not the best neighborhood.

Sign right by the X.

Avis, will you call Municipal

Light and Power

and tell them I'll be dropping by in a bit?

Thank you.

There's nothing to be embarrassed about.

A lot of people find talking

to a psychic very therapeutic.

So what's on your mind, Carlos?

I have a situation. My wife...

Do you think it's okay to do

something kinda bad to someone

even though they may do something

to someone else that's really bad?

Well, you probably shouldn't break

the law, if you can help it.

Are you really sure

they're gonna do this other thing?

He said some things.

He said he was joking,

but I think he might do them.

Okay, well, don't think, know.

How close are you

to this other someone else,

the one you're trying to protect?

Have you ever felt like

like your own life didn't even matter

as long as

Listen to me Carlos.

Your wife is an incredibly lucky woman.

I know relationships are tough,

but you you just do what you gotta do

to keep it together, okay?

Remember, love is sacrifice.

I guess you're right.

Okay, so you get tough, all right?

And remember, this call is

for entertainment purposes only.

But call me back and let me know

how it goes, okay?

- Okay.

- All right.

Okay.

So, Miami, huh?

Can you believe that?

One little case and, boom,

you're the flavor of the month.

Congratulations. Why are you here?

To say thanks.

If you hadn't given me a shot on that...

Oh, no, no, no.

Forget about it. I'm trying to.

So, we were all kinda wondering,

what did happen to your face?

Car trouble.

Should you be driving?

Absolutely not.

Jodie!

We set for the switch tomorrow?

Yeah.

There's a turnout up at Summit

Hill where the snowmobilers park.

Fine.

You guys like it?

Tastes like a rectal polyp.

Now, how would she know?

How would she know?

How would she know?

I coulda had her, you know?

We both know that.

Right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I just figured she was...

I don't know. You know?

'Cause I... You know?

No, I don't know.

- Okay.

- You ready for a refill?

Does Mrs. Kennedy have a black dress?

- Alrighty.

- Comin' up.

So, rendezvous

at the glacier tomorrow, huh?

First thing in the morning.

Yeah, well, we'll go get her

and do the thing, and...

You remember that time in school

when I jumped out and scared you

and you f***ing peed all over yourself?

That was a hoot, yeah.

Hey, bottoms up.

Okay. Puddles! You remember

how everybody called you "Puddles"?

Everybody called you "Puddles".

They did.

Puddles!

Yeah, that was funny.

Hey, come on now.

There you go, there you go.

I love you, bro.

You too, pal.

Okay.

It's my tub! Open up!

Finders keepers.

No, I drew the water! Get out!

- Finders keepers.

- Get out of here.

You know this thing has twelve

different settings?

No, Gary I don't. Every time I try to get

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