Bigfoot Horror Camp Page #4

That's good news Serena and

are you learning anything?

Oh yes I've learned

this thing called joking,

but I haven't quite

figured it out yet.

Is that all you've learned?

I've also learned

that the male species

has something that

greatly resembles

our communication devices.

Do you mean our dildometer?

Yes, only there's

are much larger.

Interesting,

I couldn't imagine why they

would need to be larger.

Until this morning supreme

mistress neither could I.

Well keep up the good work

and get back to me when

you've learned more.

Serena signing off.

(spaceship droning)

What's going on in here?

(laughing)

Oh nothing.

I heard voices.

But it is only I, how

could there be voices?

I don't know.

How did you make the

clothes disappear?

Anyway I need to clean up,

I need to use the shower.

Oh is this clean up

another one of those jokes?

Are you for real?

Yes I believe I am.

Is this liquid used in clean up?

Do you want to find out?

I'll show you.

(laughing)

(wind blowing)

[Man] Range one,

oh, eight, two,

angle of elevation 13 degrees.

Direction alpha, 19

degrees, 10 seconds from now

target reaches coordinates,

minus nine, eight, seven, six...

Guess who.

I don't know give me a hint.

Oh my god Mark you're

driving me crazy.

(slow rock music)

What are you doing here?

Ted left 10 minutes ago.

I know he's at my place.

I told him I was

gonna get some booze.

- Stop it we can't.

- Are you sure?

- I hate you.

- No you don't.

You're damn right

I don't, come here.

(birds chirping)

I want to get laid.

I thought you screwed

that bouncer last night?

You know the one

you have a crush on?

I did but that was

like 12 hours ago.

God Jen you are such a slut.

I don't know Tina

I think Jen just has a

really healthy libido.

(laughing)

Oh yeah now you're talking.

Let's call for some pizza.

I'd love to get my hands

on that delivery boy.

Boy being the operative word.

He's like 16 years old.

He's 18, his

birthday was last week,

and I told him that

when he was legal

I had a present for him.

Oh so you're ordering sausage.

You better believe it and

I'm getting some pizza too.

(laughing)

(phone ringing)

Maybe that's Armando.

His name's Armando.

He sounds hot, I think

we'll all order some sausage.

I gotta get this first guys.

Hello, oh hi Cindy.

Yeah.

That sounds good, I'm just

around the corner in my place.

I'm with Allie and Tina.

Okay, we'll bring

some tequila over

and we'll be there soon.

That was Cindy, she

invited us to her party,

her and Mark's place.

Oh Mark.

I know, speaking of sausage.

[Man] Red alert

satellite in sector H

has ceased its function.

Son of a b*tch,

she wasn't kidding.

[Man] Red alert, satellite

in sector H has ceased...

(rock music)

- Hey ladies.

- Oh.

- Hi.

- Hi sausage,

- I mean Mark.

- I don't get it.

Sorry, Sidney just likes

to talk when she's drunk.

Anyway you're not going to

believe what I just found.

What?

A spaceship.

Have we started

drinking a little early?

I'm serious.

- What?

- I'll show you.

Oh, oh.

It's right over in the field.

The spaceship, his, "hey

you all, the spaceship."

It's the spaceship.

- Oh.

- The spaceship.

We gotta go find a bathroom.

- I'll go, hey I'll go.

- We'll see you later.

I'll go.

See I told you.

That can't be real.

I don't think so.

There's this chick

at our place, Serena,

she was sent from

another planet.

You think I'm crazy don't you?

No.

'Cause it's true,

you'll meet her.

Okay, well I'm a

little disappointed then

because I thought you lured me

here to take advantage of me

and now I see

there's a real ship.

Well I mean the spaceship

was the one thing I

wanted to show you.

Oh really well

let's go check it out.

(thudding)

How did you know

how to get in here?

I just hit the side of

the door and it opened up.

Well, since we're here maybe

we should make the most of it.

I like that idea.

(electronic dance music)

Uh-huh.

(suspenseful orchestral music)

- Hi y'all.

- Hola.

(laughing)

Hey girls.

Have you guys seen Tina?

My guess is she's just

finishing up with lunch.

(laughing) Sausage I believe.

That would be my guess.

Oh well I hope

we see her soon.

That's a good chance.

Chances are excellent.

Cin, introduce

us to your friend.

This is Serena, she's from...

Deltron, the third

planet in the first galaxy.

It's outside our universe.

She's been sent here.

That's nice.

Wow.

Ted did you get in

on any of this action?

Oh yeah, she's unbelievable

and that's no joke.

I really do not

understand this joking.

Oh, that's okay, you're

perfect just the way you are.

Thank you Earthling Ted.

(laughing)

Isn't she adorable, I

mean I'm Earthling Ted,

isn't that great?

Anyway, anyone want a drink?

- No I'm good.

- No thanks.

- No?

- No thank you.

So Cin did you get in

on any of this Ted action?

Yeah we had an

amazing three way.

So what about Ted?

Well if you're asking me

what I think you're asking me

Mark and Ted they're

a lot a like.

Ted is more like

his big brother.

That's all I need to hear.

Hey Ted I think I'll take one

of those drinks after all.

(laughing)

Hey.

Hey.

Did you say you wanted a drink?

Yeah I did, please.

Here you go.

I think you know what

I actually really meant.

Oh, you want,

you wanted a drink.

Yeah.

Oh.

[Man] Target

reaches coordinates.

- Three, two, one.

- Fire.

(electronic whooshing)

(rumbling)

It's trying to get away, fire.

(whooshing)

How about that

eh? Yeah. (laughing)

On target.

[Man] Damage to drive section,

reactor water tank empty.

(dramatic music)

Hey honey look who I ran into.

Right.

Anyway guess what I

found, Serena's space ship.

You didn't destroy it did you?

Of course not.

Good because I must leave

in less than 24 Earth hours.

But we were just

getting to know you.

Mark if the alien

chick says she has to go

she has to go.

But we were having

so much fun together.

I think we've been having

a little too much fun

if you catch my drift.

(laughing)

Sounds like someone's jealous.

Jealous?

I have these puppies.

Do I look like I

need to be jealous?

Ooh.

(whistling)

[Cindy] Damn

straight girlfriend.

Allie just let her go,

just let her cool off.

When she gets like this, best

thing is let her cool off.

Well I just want to

make sure she's alright.

Wow that must have been

some drink. (laughing)

Looks like Ted

slipped you a mickey.

Oh hi everybody.

Who's the hot chick?

Tell her, better yet

show her your little trick.

As you wish.

[Woman] Oh my god

how did you do that?

(dramatic music)

I think maybe you're

overreacting Cin.

Either way that space

girl's leaving soon

and you won't have to

ever deal with her.

I'm not worried

about that Allie.

Mark and I we're in

an open relationship.

That's good.

No it's not, I hate it.

The only reason why

I went along with it

is because that's

what Mark wanted.

Didn't you screw Ted earlier?

Sometimes it does

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