Bill Cosby: Far from Finished Page #4

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The phone is ringing,

and my wife picked up.

She said :
"Hello."

I said :
"Oh, I'm so happy

to reach you."

She said :
"Hi, honey.

How are you?"

"I'm home."

She said :
"I'm at mom's."

I said :
"Yeah.

Just a minute, dear."

She said :
"What's the matter?

What's the matter?"

I said :
"There's nothing wrong,

but the lady

from the security company..."

She said :

"What did you do?"

I said :
"I didn't

do anything, dear.

Just one second."

So, uh...

Conference.

So I punch down the conference,

and I punch down my wife.

I said :
"Hello?"

My wife said :
"Hello?"

And the woman said : "Hello!"

I said :
"All right!"

So I said :
"Ma'am?"

The lady said :
"Yes."

I said :
"This is my wife."

So the woman said :

"Yes, how are you?"

My wife says, "I'm fine."

So my wife says,

"What is the problem?"

So the woman said :

"Well, there's a malfunction

"on the front door

of the building

that this gentleman

is in."

So my wife said :

"Did you touch that front door?"

I said :
"No, I didn't."

The woman said :

"Yes, he did."

I said :
"Now, look, lady.

You gotta...

"You know,

there is a timeline here.

"I touched the door

after you told me

there was something wrong."

She said :

"Oh, yeah. Okay."

So the woman said :

"And what is your name, ma'am?"

She said :
"Mrs. Cosby."

And the woman said :

"That is correct."

She said...

She said :

"And what is your code name?"

My wife said :
"Pearl."

She said :
"That's correct."

She said :
"And I just want

to tell you, Mrs. Cosby,

"how wonderful it is to speak

to someone who has a code name

"that makes some sense and not

a bunch of pervert things

going out that you

have to hear and say."

My wife said :

"Thank you, but you know,

"I was in the andes,

and we were all around,

"and I saw the pearls

and the people,

and I said :
'oh, my God,

I've got the name.'"

and the woman said :

"Oh, yes, I plan to go there,

"and we're going to do

all of this and that,

and they're the same colors,

and so you don't mind if I..."

"Oh, yes,

it's a wonderful place,

and you should see

the thing..."

She said :
"By the way, your...

this man is your husband?"

My wife said :
"Yes."

She said :
"He doesn't... he says

he doesn't have a code name."

So my wife said :

"Yes, he does."

I said :
"No, I don't."

My wife said :

"You do have a code name."

She said :
"And I told you

your code name."

I said :

"You never told me anything.

You never said..."

She said :
"I told you

your code name twice,

"as a matter of fact,

and then I told you

to write it down."

I said :
"Well, I don't know

anything about a code name."

So the woman said :

"And what is his code name?"

My wife said :
"Bill."

I was going to have

this woman reported,

because...

No, you can't do that.

But I didn't report her

because I didn't know

how to spell...

See, that's the sound she made

to keep from laughing.

My wife said :
"Bill,"

and this woman went...

And then she said to my wife,

"Mrs. Cosby,

please don't be dismayed.

I have one of these

at home too."

So I said :
"Well...

"If you told me twice

my code name,

"and if... and I'm talking

to both of you...

"If you told me

to write it down,

why is it I don't remember

what you said?"

And both of them

said simultaneously,

"Because you don't..."

Listen.

No, no, I'm not talking to you.

You weren't there.

but it's gonna happen

you'll be ... you'll be married

and see things man !

see the power

power of the wife

we were going out with an elderly couple

in their late 50s

and my wife locked up

and first of all

you get to a certain point in your marriage

specially after the children move out

they're not gone

they just move out !

but their bills come to your house

so

I open the car door

for her

she got in and she is sitting

behind her girlfriend

and I go around , I open the door

and I sit behind her girlfriend's husband

he's not my friend

I have to like him

but I , you know ...

anyway

they just ...

but when women greet each other

they just ... oh my god

you just look so gorgeous

and so do you , you look so wonderful

and where did you get those earrings ?

I could just kill you for those earrings

oh yes, do you like them ?

yes , they pick up your eyes

they pick up your dress ,

they pick up the dashboard ,

they pick up everything

and just so cutee ... and ...

men , men are different man ,

you say :
How you doing Roy ?

good to see you Bill

keep in touch man !

so

he takes off

now , they have a GPS

the GPS

the GPS :

2/5 of a mile , make a left turn .

his wife says :

2/5 of a mile , make a left turn .

this continues

for anotther 20 minutes

every time the machine spoke

she said the same thing !

and he never said anything !

so another 20 min .... I

and I couldn't take it anymore

so said to my wife :

another 10 minutes and I can't take it anymore

I said to my wife :

Shut Up

now ,

we get to the venue

the woman goes to inner sanctum

and I pulled the guy over

I said :
hey man

doesn't it bother you that your wife

repeats whatever the machine says ?

He said :

what machine ?

see .... after a while man

when the children leave

you become her oldest child !

so you don't need a brain anymore

you don't need a brain

don't ask any questions

just do what I tell you to do

cause she ... she looked at me

she said :
I've laid your clothes out for you

so I went up and I put them on !

she said :
where you going ?

I said :
you told me to put on my clothes

she said :
I laid them out for you

I said :
well , where am I going ?

she said :
tomorrow.

so I took them off

and I laid them back out again

she said :
why are you doing ?

I said :
I'm playing them out for tomorrow

she said :
they're dirty

so now it's time to go out with her

wherever she's going ,

I don't ask

married long enough ,

I don't ask

Do I care ?

Yes !

But I don't want trouble.

so I sit there

and she drives

sometimes we go to the mall

here's the rule , that I know

I'm supposed to do

if she want's me to go

when she gets out

the lock will go up

if..if..if if she wants me to stay

it stays down .

and thats when I talk to the dog

oh ... yeah , people have dogs in the cars

and I sit there

sometimes she's very nice

she'll leave a little crack in the window

then they pull away and another car comes in

then sometimes she'll say :

ok , lets go

and then I go

and then she walks me

so then .... hey I'm telling you man !

you don't know what you in for boy ,

then she comes

and then she walked me over

to a place that there is about 12

other men

old men

and they're all sitting there like this

now , you sit down here

and I'm telling you right now

you stay where I put you

you don't go wondering all over here

because when I come back and you're not here

I'm leaving you !

and there are men sitting there

oldmen

and some of them have peed on themselves

what happend to you ?

I'm not leaving man !

I don't care , I'm not leaving

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