Bill Cosby: Far from Finished Page #6

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You know, New York City.

And, uh, I said :

"Pardon me."

She said :

"I'm very busy right now."

I said :
"Oh, yes, ma'am,

but I just need t-two things,

please, if you don't..."

"Oh, hello, what do you need?

What do you need?"

I said :
"Just give me two

chocolate chip cookies, please."

"Well, you just can't have two.

You have to buy a dozen."

"Well, good,

I will buy a dozen,

"but give me two now, please.

Just give me two."

"First,

I have to put the gloves on."

"All right, put on one glove.

Give me two cookies.

"Please, hurry, 'cause

I have to get out of here.

So give me..."

What! I put 'em in...

Chew the thing,

and now she's putting 'em...

I said :
"Here, keep the change.

It's all right.

Don't worry."

"No, you will get the change.

You got to..."

I said :
"I don't have time!

I'm sorry."

And I went through a bunch

of curtains, then the door.

Stood there

with the curtain blocking.

She's sitting there.

I sit down.

She draws the sword.

"Where did you go?"

"I told you...

Where I went."

She said :
"I know...

"What you told me...

But that's not

what I asked you."

I said :
"I went...

To the bathroom."

She said :

"No, you didn't."

She said :
"You went...

"That way.

The bathroom is that way."

I said :
"Yes.

"This is true.

"But...

"The bathroom

for the regular people...

"is there.

"For the stars...

"It's that way.

Ha!"

She said :

"You went into that bakery...

"and you ate

a chocolate chip cookie!"

And I said :
"Ha, ha, ha!

"That's where you are wrong!

"I did not have...

A ...

Chocolate chip cookie!"

She said :
"You did."

She said :

"Let me smell your breath."

I said :
"You'll smell nothing.

"You think

I'm one of your children.

"Going around smelling people!

Apologize!"

The woman from the bakery...

It was not a pretty scene.

The woman from the bakery

came with the bag

with the ten

chocolate chip cookies.

It was piling on

like I've never seen before.

"Mr. Cosby!

What is wrong with you?

"You forgot

your ten other cookies,

and you ate the other two

so fast in there."

I said :

"I don't know you, lady."

She said :

"And here's your change."

And then my wife stuck

her sword through my neck.

Oh, you liked that part,

didn't you?

And said :

"Chew on that."

Yes, but getting back...

And then, the other dream:

the children.

These children...

we will have these children,

and they will go on.

We will give them love,

and they will go on.

We will give them care

and go on in health and go on,

and these are our children,

and they will love us

and everything.

And I'm... I'm driving them.

There's three of them.

It's my turn to drive 'em

to school.

Block and a half from school...

"Dad, dad, wait, wait, stop.

Stop the car."

"What's the matter?"

"Can... can you

let us out here?"

"No, your mother

said to take you

straight to the front

of the school."

"No, no, dad.

No, she didn't mean that.

She means to let..."

"No, don't tell me

what she means.

"I know what your mother said.

"Your mother said

drop you off in front of the...

"I don't know what you guys

are trying to pull,

but you're getting off

in front of the school."

"Dad, please.

Please, don't do that.

Please, don't... dad, don't,

don't, don't, don't, don't."

"Okay, 'don't, don't, don't,

don't, don't.'

What is the problem?"

"Dad, there's no problem.

We just want to walk

from here to the school."

"But your mother

said to drop you..."

"Dad, please,

if you let us off here,

we will never say anything."

"Oh, don't lie to me

about that.

Now, you're gonna tell me

what the problem is."

So I turned around,

and I looked at 'em.

And when you're

an experienced parent,

you pick out the weak one.

"Judas...

"Come on, talk to me.

Talk to me.

"Come on, you can.

You can.

Say it.

Don't be afraid of the others."

So finally, the old one said :

"The reason why we want to walk

"is because our friends

make fun of us."

"About what?"

"Um, they say that, um,

we think we're rich."

"Why didn't you tell me that?

"Why didn't you say that?

"I can clear it up for you

right away.

"Listen, your mother and I

are rich.

"You guys have nothing.

"I mean, think about it.

"Every time you want something,

you ask us, don't you?

"That means you have nothing.

"Defend yourself!

"People say, 'oh, you guys

think you're rich.'

"You say, 'no, we don't!

"'That's my father's car.

"It's my mother's house.

"We have nothing!'

"Say that to them.

"And I'll prove it.

Just... I'll prove it.

"The state is making us

do these things.

"If we don't do it,

we go to jail.

"Another thing,

you have no money.

"You're homeless also.

"Your name's not

on the mortgage or anything.

Tell your friends that.

Defend yourself!"

"Well, we just

wanna get out of here,

and we just

wanna walk, and..."

"Besides,

they're not your friends,

"'cause if they

were your friends,

"they would like you

for who you are,

period, regardless."

"Well..."

"Evin," I say, "Look, okay?

I've had enough of this."

Made a u-turn.

I went all the way back

about 1/2 mile.

Made another u-turn.

I said :
"Get out."

"Get out?

But... get out?"

"Yes, get out."

"But, dad, this is a long..."

"Yes!

"Think of how your friends

will love you even more.

"Come on. You...

You can do it.

You can do it. Get out."

"But, dad,

we don't wanna get out."

"No, no, you're gonna prove this

to your friends."

I close the door, and I

made a u-turn, going home.

I'm driving.

I look through the rearview.

They're fighting mad

with each other, man.

Not throwing any punches,

but it's getting close.

So I make another u-turn,

and I come back.

"What's the problem?"

"We don't...

we don't wanna walk."

"Okay, get in the car."

I drive all the way up

to the front of the school.

In front of us...

I told 'em.

I said :
"Look at that.

"Your friends

talking about being rich.

"They just drove up here

in a $300,000 bus.

Go ahead."

So they got out.

They're walking,

and then they go on the grass,

and they're meeting

with their friends outside,

and all of a sudden,

I put it in park,

opened the door,

and I walked over to 'em.

And I looked at 'em,

with their friends around them,

and I said :

"Kiss me."

It was wonderful.

but all those dreams that you have

of what they're going to be

I remember my wife...

Our first one

was ten years old...

And I think my wife

had some dreams

of this first-born

being a friend

and the two of them

growing together.

"Which one is the mother?"

oooh .... na ....

Not once she turned ten.

My wife called me.

"Bill!

May I see you?"

And I have this habit...

If I can't see her,

I don't answer.

Then I heard her coming,

and I answered,

"Yes, dear?"

She said :

"Come with me, please."

And she took me up

to the daughter's bedroom.

The daughter's

standing there...

Letting us know

she can't stand us.

I stopped at the doorway.

My wife came over here.

My wife addressed me.

"Have you ever seen

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