Bill Hicks: Revelations Page #3

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"Thinkin' of John, Jackie. We love him.

Just tryin' to keep that memory alive, baby."

Back and to the left, back and to the left,

back and to the left, back and to the left.

Which, by the way, that action you see

Kennedy's head go through in the Zapruder film,

caused by a bullet - comin from up there.

Yes, I know it looks to the layman

or someone who might dabble in physics...

This action here would be caused

by a bullet coming from...well...

Up here, did you see that?

Did everyone see that? Yeah, but no.

What happened was Oswald's gun went off,

causing an echo to echo

through the buildings of Dealey Plaza

and the echo went by the limo on the left

up into the grassy knoll hitting

some leaves causing dust to fly out

which 56 witnesses testified was a gun shot,

'cause immediately... Kennedy's head went over.

But the reason his head went over

is 'cause the echo went by the motorcade

on the left and he went "What was that?"

"So there, we have figured out,

go back to bed America, your government

has figured out how it all transpired."

"Go back to bed America,

you government is in control again."

Here, here's American Gladiators.

Watch this, shut up!

"Go back to bed America"

"Here's American Gladiators. Here's 56 channels of it."

"Watch these pituitary retards

bang their f***in skulls together

and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom."

"Here you go America, you are free, to do as we tell you!

You are free, to do as we tell you!"

"Oh good. Honey, I heard on the news

that they've figured out that the gun,

what happened is, is that there was an echo

and Kennedy was, uh, asking Jackie what it was,

and that that's why his head flew..."

"Honey what time's Gladiators on? Are we missing it?"

"I'm so glad we're free, honey."

This happen just a few weeks ago. All these articles in the paper:

"Is Gladiators too violent? And what are we doing watching it?

Is it really good for us to watch?

Is it too violent?"

NO! F*** it! Give these guys chain saws!

Let them f*** each other up good.

It's not violent enough.

Let these f***in' morons kill each other in that God Damn pit!

Give them chainsaws an...

I want to see a f***in railway

spike go through their eyeballs.

How about this? Give everyone in the audience a pistol.

"There, you f***ers...

See who comes out alive!"

You know, I'm tired of this false f***in sanctimonious morality about life.

"Ain't life keen"

"Let's pat ourselves on the back."

F*** you!

They want to kill each other, I'm filming it.

I had a great idea for the movies. No one wants to f***ing hear it, I don't know why?

I was watching Terminator 2 and I'm thinking to myself, these are the most amazing stunts I have ever seen.

A hundred million dollars it cost to make this film.

How are they ever gonna top these stunts in a movie again? There's no way.

Unless...

...they start using terminally ill people...

Hear me out...

...as stuntmen in pictures.

Okay, not the most popular idea ever,

but I prefaced it with that.

What, you know, some of will probably

think that's cruel, don't you?

"Ooh it's cruel, terminally ill stunt people, Bill...

How cruel."

You know what I think what cruel is?

Leaving your loved ones to die in some

sterile hospital room, surrounded by strangers.

F*** that! Put 'em in the movies!

Whaaat? Do you want your grandmother dying

like a little bird in some hospital room?

Her translucent skin so thin you can see her

last heartbeat work its way down her blue veins...

Or you want her to meet Chuck Norris?

Why be so selfish as to deprive her of that thrill?

"Tom how come you dressed my grandmother up as a mugger?"

"Shut up and get off the set. Action!

Push her towards Chuck."

"Wow he kicked her head right off her body!

Did you see that? Did you see my grannie?

She's out of her misery. I just saw the

greatest f***ing movie of my life. Cool!"

Okay not the most popular idea ever.

All I'm saying is people are dying every day,

and movies are getting more and more boring.

I am the weaver.

"Is American Gladiators too violent?

Ooh I don't know."

Watch the f***ing news man,

it's frightening. What could be worse.

You watch the news these days you know,

it's unbelievable.

You think you just walk out your door,

you're immediately going to be raped by some

crack-addicted, aids-infected, pit-bull, you know.

Horrible news stories, you know.

"Honey, I'm gonna check the mail...

Whaddya we stay inside tonight baby?

Lets the pizza delivery guy deal with that sh*t out there."

"Hello, pizza delivery, could you

send another car over please.

I know that's your third one,

that last guy almost made it.

I can almost reach the pizza box with the broom handle."

How come those pit bulls are eating your driver

but they're not touching that f***ing pizza?

What do they know that we don't know, hellooo?"

Pretty soon we're all gonna be locked inside our homes

with no one on the street but pizza

delivery guys and armoured cars

with turrets shooting pizzas through

the mail-slots of our front doors.

Every house will glow with American Gladiators beamed in.

"We are free - keep repeating - we are free!"

The news is just apocalyptic.

Didn't you think with the Cold War being over,

things should have gotten better.

How many of y'all were as stupid

as I was in believing that?

Wow, it's over - 40 years of threat of nuclear weapons -

it's over, cool, cool... Wrong!

Now 12 different countries have nuclear weapons.

It just got 12 times as bad, f*** you!

Life is harder now. Work hard!

Oops...jobs are scarce, f*** you!

By the way if anyone here is in

advertising or marketing... kill yourself.

No, no, no it's just a little thought.

I'm just trying to plant seeds.

Maybe one day, they'll take root - I don't know.

You try, you do what you can. Kill yourself.

Seriously though, if you are, do.

No really, there's no rationalisation for

what you do and you are Satan's little helpers.

Okay - kill yourself - seriously. You are the ruiner

of all things good, seriously. No this is not a joke,

You're going, "there's going to be a joke coming,"

there's no f***ing joke coming.

You are Satan's spawn

filling the world with bile and garbage.

You are f***ed and you are f***ing us. Kill yourself.

It's the only way to save your f***ing soul, kill yourself.

Planting seeds. I know all the marketing people are going,

"he's doing a joke..." there's no joke here whatsoever.

Suck a tail-pipe, f***ing hang yourself,

borrow a gun from a Yank friend

I don't care how you do it. Rid the world

of your evil f***ing makinations. Machi...

Whatever, you know what I mean.

I know what all the marketing people are thinking

right now too:
"Oh, you know what Bill's doing?

He's going for that anti-marketing dollar.

That's a good market, he's very smart."

Oh man, I am not doing that.

You f***ing evil scumbags!

"Ooh, you know what Bill's doing now, he's going for

the righteous indignation dollar. That's a big dollar.

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