Billy Liar Page #3

waiting to come in there.

I was wondering if I could have

a word with you before you go out.

Eh?

I was wondering if I could have

a word before you go out.

Yes, I've been thinking

it's about time we had a little talk.

I haven't got time now, Fisher.

See me at lunchtime.

Very good, Mr. Shadrack.

Good morning, Mr. Duxbury.

It's Councillor Duxbury, Fisher.

Councillor Duxbury, that's my title.

You wouldn't call Lord Harewood "Mr.,"

would you?

Councillor. Now think on.

- "It's Councillor Duxbury, Fisher".

- "Aye".

- "Councillor, that's my title".

- Billy!

- "Aye".

- "Aye".

- I'll see you round the corner.

- Yeah.

- Hello, darling.

- Hello, pet.

Where are you taking me for coffee?

I have to go

to the town planning office.

- They're pulling all this down.

- Oh.

Sometimes I think

you're avoiding me, Billy.

- Why?

- We are supposed to be engaged.

- Of course we're engaged.

- Have you told your mother and father?

We'll announce it

when you come for your tea tomorrow.

All right.

- It's a lovely ring, isn't it?

- Mmm, it's lovely.

You don't think

it needs altering or anything?

- No, no, it's just right.

- Well, suit yourself.

I must dash, darling. Bit of a hurry.

- See you later.

- Yes, bye, pet.

- Well, where's that ring?

- That's just it, Rita.

I've been to the jeweler's

and it's not ready.

You'd better get it back quick,

else there'll be trouble.

- Hey, Rita.

- Yeah?

- Four cheeseburgers ready.

- Four cheeseburgers, love.

- Dream about me while I'm gone.

- Sure thing, baby.

- What's she on about?

- The engagement ring.

What engagement ring? I thought

you were engaged to Barbara.

That's just the point. I am.

She had it first, Rita.

I got it off her to give to Barbara.

Now she wants it back.

- Rita?

- Yeah.

I told her

it was getting the stone fixed.

- Be hell to pay if she don't get it.

- I can't keep up with your sex life.

You know what's going to happen?

You're going to be up for bigamy.

So when's it going to be ready, then?

I'm very glad you asked me that

cos when I called round at the shop

the man told me

it might take another week.

- Oh, it might be another week.

- They've got three people off ill.

Off ill?

Oh, they've got three people off ill.

All having their legs off, I suppose!

Well, either I get that ring back

by this afternoon

or I'm going round

that jeweler's meself.

- No need...

- Another thing.

I thought I was coming round for my tea

to meet your rotten mother.

I can't wait for you

to meet Mum and Dad, Rita.

Only we've been flooded out.

All the pipes have burst.

Flooded out, are you?

I'm going to meet your mother,

whether you like it or not.

Either you get me that ring back

by this afternoon

or I'm coming round

to see your rotten mother.

And your rotten father.

And your rotten grandmother.

We're supposed to be engaged,

if you did but know it!

What are you gawping at?

Da-da da-da da da, oh!

Thank you.

"When I started out as a councilor,

"I had public conveniences,

I had them to look after".

"Nowt else for a young councilor".

"All this were fields

when I were a lad".

"I had nowt but one clog on me feet

in them days".

All right?

"I'll tell you what,

the workers nowadays,

"you give them tuppence a week,

they're not content".

- "They don't know they're born".

- "They're not content".

"They couldn't come it with me.

"There's always been an Olroyd

at Olroyd Mill

"and there always will be".

"Young lads come down

with their college ways

"and they want none of it".

- "You're not wrong".

- Hey.

- I say, is that that bird?

- What bird?

That bird that wanted you

to go to France with her.

- Do you mean Liz?

- Yes, where's she been this time?

She goes where she feels like.

- She's crazy. She just enjoys herself.

- What does she do?

Waitress, typist.

She worked at Butlin's last year.

She works till she's fed up.

Then she goes somewhere else.

Hello.

I'm fine.

Doncaster!

Doncaster!

Oh, God, what for?

Hey!

Can I what?

- Can I help you out?

- Yes!

- Sure. I'm skint.

- In the classics!

- Classics?

- Yes!

- Go on!

- All right?

- See you later.

- Bye.

Quiet, ladies! Please! Quiet!

Ladies and gentlemen...

It gives me great pleasure,

on behalf of City Foods Limited,

to invite Danny

to ceremoniously open this store.

Danny Boon!

It's all happening.

You've got a lot of relatives

here this morning.

Is that your auntie?

Oh, no, it's my auntie!

- Hello, darling. Still slimming?

- Yes, I am an' all.

It's all happening.

No, thank you.

I'm trying to give them up.

Oh, of course!

It's to cut the ribbon with, isn't it?

Just a minute,

before you take any more.

Could I have a pretty girl

from the audience

to come up and help me cut the tape,

any pretty girl?

Oh, we have got a lot

to choose from, haven't we?

What about you, darling?

You in the brown.

Would you mind coming up here?

There's a good girl.

A round of applause.

Very sporting girl. That's it.

What about a kiss

to start us off, eh?

- Ooh!

- It's all happened.

That's it. Smile at the camera.

Ready, girls?

Go on, Danny!

Give us an autograph!

Please!

He's dozed off.

- Hey.

- What?

- Got those things for you.

- What things?

Passion pills.

What I said I'd get for you.

Hey, let's have a look.

Where did you get 'em?

This mate of mine fetched them

back from Singapore.

I bet they're bloody aspirins.

Steady on!

You'll get the screaming abdabs.

One of these, two 2/9s at the Regal,

a bag of chips and you're away!

Good afternoon, sir.

- Isn't it time you lads packed up?

- Yes, we're just off, Councillor.

Ta-ra, Billy.

I'm just waiting to see

Mr. Shadrack, Councillor.

Well, you might give the floor

a bit of a wipe-up.

"'Idle Jack" or "Broad Acres",

'a novel by William Fisher,

chapter one.

'Ned Leather

nervously fingered his cap

'as he faced the portly owner

of Olroyd's Mill.

'"Sorry, lad.

"'No work...

"today,"

'he said.

'"Sorry, lad. No work today, "

he said. '

"Idle Jack," a novel by...

Bill... Fisher.

'No. A novel by William Fisher.

'William L Fisher.

William DL Fisher.

William D Lashwood Fisher.

'William Fingal O'Flaherty

Wills Fisher,

'a critical biography. '

Um, first of all, Mr. Shadrack,

I'd like to thank you for what has been

a very happy stay with the firm.

But I really do feel

that I must seize this...

this new opportunity

with both hands.

I'm sure you'll appreciate my position.

Of course, need I say,

the offer of a partnership

with yourself and Mr. Duxbury

is an extremely attractive

incentive for me,

but, unfortunately,

my ambitions lie in other fields.

Of course, London's a big place.

It's a very big place, Mr. Shadrack.

A man could lose himself in London.

Lose himself.

Lose himself.

Lo-oo-oo-see himself.

Lose himself in London!

Him-ah-self-ah!

Maaaaaaaaaaa.

Never in the field

of human conflict

has so much...

One, two, three, four, testing.

Emmanuel Shadrack, this is your life.

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