Bio-Dome Page #5

Remember that really cute...

little teeny, little tiny,

little turtle...

you had when we were growing up

that disappeared...

and then they put your kitty cat

to sleep for eating him?

What really happened was

is that I stepped on him.

And then I flushed him

down the toilet...

and let the cat take the rap.

Frisky?

He went down like a champ,

Squirl.

Remember your Uncle Murray

divorced your Aunt Flo...

for sleeping with

that flamingo dancer?

Her children disowned her,

the church shunned her.

She started a drinking binge.

That flamingo dancers outfit

he found was mine.

My mom was trying to make me

take lessons...

to impress the neighbors.

So I took the outfit,

I hid it in Aunt Flos bedroom.

I said I got mugged.

Aunt Flos insane now.

Yeah,

but she has her independence.

Remember

the Great Fire of 1979...

that supposedly started

in your garage...

when that chipmunk

ingested some fertilizer...

and then fell

into a can of kerosene...

instantly turning him

into a flying little...

fluffy Molotov cocktail

that set a blaze...

leveling

the whole neighborhood...

west of

Newtons hardware store?

You started that fire?

No, but that was

pretty cool, huh?

- Noah.

- Can we talk to you?

Were concerned

about Bud and Doyle.

We think theyve been

down there for long enough.

Do you?

Yes.

We cant just leave them there.

- They cant survive.

- It would be murder.

No. Its progress.

Were culling the herd.

They are a symbol...

of everything

that is wrong with this world.

They dont care.

They dont matter.

Doyle, theres a tasty dactyl.

- Got him, Squirl.

- Lm going to eat you.

I want to eat them

with the frog leg.

Squirl, wait, wait, wait!

A key!

No way!

Parking tickets?

- What am I going to...

- After all weve done...

Oh, my... A boot.

I cant believe it.

I cant believe

they would put a boot...

on a Bio-Dome scientists car.

Its not like we didnt try

to help the ecological system.

Aw, dont cry, Doyle.

Its OK.

Here. Come on.

Well get you some food.

A little Bladder Buster?

- Hey, coach! Pizza!

- Stop!

Here are the pizzas.

The Bladder Busters are free...

because I couldnt find

the goddamn place.

Russell?

- Bob.

- How did you get a job?

F***ing President Clinton.

You had sex with

President Clinton?

Thats pretty cool.

So, hows my juicy treat?

She and that other bimbo...

they picked up two guys

at Arizona Tech.

Theyre having a party

to save the environment.

You owe me 57.50... plus a tip.

What does "in the flesh" mean?

I think it has

something to do with tassels.

You got to take us

to this party.

I got pies to deliver.

Get off the goddamn car!

Can you believe this?

Right now, the whole ATU campus

is probably being overrun...

by some touchy-feely,

"save the environment" mania...

and guess whos

right in the middle of it.

Our chicks. Theyre probably

swapping Mark Spitz...

with those grape smugglers

right now.

No preppy blow-hard is going to

steal my chick without a fight.

First Frisky, now this.

All I know is

someones going down!

Hey, put the gun away, Stub.

Stub, put the gun away.

Evil is not a good thing

right now. Just relax. Exhale.

All we got to do, bro,

is outparty the partyers.

Bring the mountain to Mohammed.

Throw a bigger bash than

any college would ever allow.

Show the girls that we care

about the environment, too.

- Do we?

- No.

Where are we going

to throw this party?

Viva Los Bio-Dome!

Cornicopy-a. Roach here.

Roach, its me, Bud.

Thanks for blowing me off

on my birthday, nature boy.

I guess now

that youre Mr. Scientist...

you dont have time for

your bourgeois friends anymore.

Dont bourgeois

shmougeois me, OK?

Weve been stuck in a bubble.

Look, youve got

to do me a favor.

Remember last year

when we had that big, like...

freaked-out festival

and stuff...

and I made you my little buddy,

and you went and passed...

Give me the drink! Wait.

And I made you pass out fliers?

I need you to do the same

thing, but this time... whoo!

First you need the planet

The earth beneath your feet

You couldnt live

an instant without that

Then you need the air

OK, everybody turn!

Couldnt live five minutes

without that

Can someone please explain...

how drinking beer

and playing hacky sack...

can help improve

the environment?

Its all about

raising consciousness.

You just cant stand up

and preach about it.

Let me open up your chakras,

Monique.

No, thanks, Siddhartha.

What we need

is to save some trees

We just want to save some trees

Dont say we didnt save

some friggin trees

Party at Bio-Dome?

All right, lets go!

Bud and Doyle are having

a party at the Bio-Dome?

Thats crazy.

What are they thinking?

- How?

- What about our party?

Blow me, partner.

Were going to Bio-Dome.

Thanks for the back rub.

Maybe theyre planning on

a lecture in the parking lot.

Wouldnt it be cool if they had

those huge television setups...

so we could see

whats going on inside?

- Moths?

- Noctuidae principalis.

- We dont have them here.

- Something is happening.

Have you seen her face?

Shes got a face

that could stop a clock...

Until you look her in the eyes

And her moneys green

Shes a tease

like a social disease

She seems so close to my reach

If I could count,

I could count it all

Lady, turn me on

Lady, turn me on

Lady, turn me on

Lady, turn me on

Jackknife!

You can take her for a ride

Are you guys in a band?

Were the Bio-Dome Five.

Which ones Tito?

And I cant even fake a smile

Without laughing inside

all the while

Hes a whore,

do anything for money

Hes a whore

There is no law now!

Do anything for money,

hes a whore

And the stories I could tell

Look out!

Oh, my God!

Theyre going inside?

lm a whore,

do anything for money

lm a whore,

so the story goes

Monique, Jen. Buona notte.

- Where are they?

- Bud and Doyle?

Here you are. Half-price.

Yeah, right.

Fine.

Be that way, snivelers.

Oh, my!

This cant be.

En garde.

- What are you doing?

- Were partying.

Youre thrashing this place,

you phonies.

So?

I thought you cared

about the environment.

No.

We just want to get laid.

Hell, ld strangle a dolphin

to get into her pants.

Bud and Doyle!

Hey, everybody,

welcome to the party!

I could get used to this,

Squirl.

It was just a matter of time.

Monique, Jen,

welcome to paradise!

Ladies, so good of you to come.

Join us!

My queen,

this is your kingdom...

and now were all

acting globally.

Bud, stop this!

- Stop what?

- This!

Doyle, look at this place.

Its being destroyed.

I thought you guys wanted

a big environmental party.

You a**holes!

Dont you care about anything?

Bud, youre killing

the Bio-Dome.

You shouldnt be doing this.

This is our mess.

This is our problem.

Dont touch me.

Stop! Come on, you guys.

Youre making us feel worse.

Good.

Do you guys even realize

what youve done?

Youre scum.

You know how embarrassed I am

that I even know you?

- Were sorry.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes