Black Cadillac Page #2

I'm just saying--

Well, maybe you don't

say so much, okay?

How come

you keep lookin'?

There's this car

that's been behind us

the last couple miles.

- So what?

- They keep creeping up,

and backing off, okay?

It's weird.

It's big, that car.

I think this may be some

of my fans from the bar, huh?

- Oh, great!

- Just relax, okay? We don't

know who they are yet.

Robby:

Oh! A Cadillac

El Dorado, 1957.

Oh, man!

It's so tough!

I love that car!

I love that car

more than I love myself.

The car's

a goddamn dinosaur.

Yeah, a dinosaur that eats

Saabs for breakfast.

Oh, yeah, it's all

coming back to me now.

- What?

- The reason your ass

sits in the back.

( laughs )

Scott:

What the hell

are they doing?

( tires screech )

C.J.:

I guess they're not

fans of mine after all,

and I'm guiltless

at last.

Adios, Caddios!

Hey guys, I gotta

take a leak.

- Are you kidding?

- Dude, I never kid

about such matters.

Why didn't you

go at the bar?

Because I was too busy

trying not to get killed!

Well, just hold it

for a while.

I wanna put some miles

between us and that bar,

so just hold it.

Dude, I have been

holding it for a while,

silently,

uncomplainingly.

- Mute, like a martyr?

- Dude, if you guys don't

pull over right now,

I'll pee right here,

and let that be

on your conscience

- and your upholstery.

- ( yelling ) Whoo!

- Robby:
Jesus!

- Whoo-hoo!

- Come on!

- Whoo!

- ( laughs )

- Come on, guys,

not the lake!

- Oh my God!

- Whoo!

( C.J. and Scott

continue yelling )

( engine chugging )

Whoo!

I don't wanna sound like

anyone's mom or bring

anybody down--

- I can't hear you.

- I'm just saying

and feel way free

to correct me if I'm wrong,

but this is

almost spring, right?

The ice can be very, very--

- Very, very what?!

- Thin!

Thin is what I'm saying,

very thin!

Whoo!

This is good, huh?

Fast enough?

Yes, fast enough.

This is way fast enough!

- ( gasping )

- ( chuckles )

Robby, I believe

you wanted to whiz.

- Whiz.

- ( chuckles )

( sighs in relief )

So...

tonight, man.

Yeah, I guess

this is it, huh?

I guess so.

So you're really

gonna do this?

Just get on

a tanker tomorrow?

- Tomorrow.

- And do what?

Just go up and down

the Great Lakes for like

three years?

Sounds really bleak, man.

Nah, not bleak.

Romantic.

- ( brief chuckle )

- Yeah, I'm gonna read

a lot of books, man.

Hemmingway, Jack London.

Swap lives with the crew,

write my novel.

Okay, all right,

or maybe I'll just

get drunk every night

and pass out

like my old man.

- Right.

- Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

that sounds little

more realistic.

You came all the way from Yale

just to say goodbye?

A sorta goodbye.

More to celebrate

a rite of passage.

You know,

maybe we should--

nah, I don't know.

Talk about it.

- Talk about what?

- You know--

what was?

What happened?

What do you want

me to say?

Do I have to hold up

a cue card, man?

You know what I want

you to say.

( screaming )

Oh, sh*t.

I told you, Scott.

I told you it's too thin!

- ( gasping )

- ( ice crackling )

Holy sh*t.

- Okay, don't panic.

Don't panic.

- Okay.

All right, listen to me.

Listen to me.

Just get up real slow

on all fours.

Okay, just keep

moving, chief.

All right,

this should work.

- Should?

- Boy Scouts.

All right.

- Crawl over me.

- ( ice crackling loudly )

- Easy.

- Here we go.

You made it.

( Scott grunts )

- Whoo!

- All right.

Okay.

( groans )

Whoa.

Oh my God.

Oh my God,

you're unbelievable.

Thanks, you saved my life!

- You're my hero,

I swear to God.

- Hey, hey--

- don't get all gay, okay?

- Oh, right.

( loud cracking )

- Oh, sh*t!

- ( screaming )

Go, go, go!

Whoo!

- C.J.:
Go, man, go!

- ( screeching ) Go!

C.J:

Keep it coming!

We're home free!

( wind whistling )

( engine chugs )

I wanna be a Kennedy...

How many more miles?

Oh, to the Minnesota line?

About 90.

You in a hurry?

- Sort of.

- For what?

( crunching candies )

( gasps )

Right.

Your future.

Yale.

Skull and bones.

- All that sh*t.

- Well, I have deep

concerns about my future.

You're in high school.

You don't have

a future yet.

He wasn't talking

about his future.

- He was talking

about his virginity.

- I was not!

Okay, I was.

My virginity haunts me.

Bullshit.

You wear your virginity

like a thorny crown.

See, that's one of those

things that you always say,

and it sounds like

it means something,

but it doesn't.

Robby, would you please

stop talking about

your virginity?

You know what Granddad

once said to me?

He said, "People equate

silence with brilliance,

and stillness with depth."

Yeah, uh-huh.

That reminds me

of what my grandfather

used to say.

"Tell your Grandmother

I'll be home just as soon

- as I get my Johnson

out of this heifer.

- ( both laugh )

...and stillness with depth.

Oh, busted.

Me get a DUI,

underage!

Sh*t! We're so

going to jail!

Scott:

No we're not, Robby.

As long as you don't break

into some sobby confession.

And C.J., just keep

your mouth shut.

We're not going

anywhere but home.

Good evening, Officer.

Is there a problem?

There sure is.

- ( sneezes )

- ( soft clink )

Bless you.

The problem is mine.

My cruiser,

it froze to death on me.

If I was in Oshkosh,

I'd have back up, but--

( chuckles )

- not out here.

- ( Scott chuckles )

Don't you have

a radio or something

to call for help?

Officer:

Well, I am the help

in this town.

How about a ride?

Come on, I'm freezing

my stones out here.

- ( officer grunts )

- ( door shuts )

Whoa, what a night.

( sighs )

Wind like that,

turn your head around.

( officer chuckles )

Officer:

There's a joint--

- ( clanks )

- about three miles

up the road.

Highway 50.

I'll call my brother.

- ( motor revs )

- Robby:
Boy, it's cold

out there.

Hell, you can say

that again.

Coldest night on record

for this time of year

and my cruiser freezes

to death on me.

Officer:

I've got to be the only cop

in the universe

still driving an '86 Chevy.

- Charlie Harmon.

- Oh, Robby, Robby--

Robertson.

Yeah, so, you guys

from Minnesota?

Plates.

Well, welcome

to Wisconsin.

This is a nice car.

What kind of car is this?

It's a Saab.

A Saab 900S

- Whew!

Ain't she killer?

- Yeah.

So what brings you boys

to the dairy state?

We're...

on our high school

debate team.

- Oh.

- Yeah, we just got back

from quarterfinals of...

- The Midwest Regional--

- Debate-off.

- Oh.

- ( chuckles )

- How'd y'all do?

- Oh, uh, we won.

Yeah, and next week,

on to the semis.

- There you go.

- ( chuckles ) Whoo!

- Whoo!

- ( bottles clanking )

Where did those

come from?

You guys!

Have you been drinking?!

All right, everybody.

Knock it off.

"Debate-off."

( chuckles )

Look, you guys saved

my sorry ass tonight

and I'm off-duty,

so just relax, all right?

And you-- selling out

your pals,

you little weasel.

( laughs )

C.J.:

Yeah, you little dipstick.

Yeah,

nice brother you are.

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