Black Cadillac Page #3

So what did you boys

do tonight? Did you

go to the roadhouse?

Hey, how'd you

know that?

Son, I too

was once underage.

Did you get lucky?

Of course you did.

If you can't get lucky

at the roadhouse

you might as well snip

it off and mail it in.

Well technically,

I got lucky.

- Yeah?

- Yeah. See, I was

dancing with this one

and she had a really

thick bra strap, you know,

- which indicates, you know,

pendulousness.

- Mm.

And her bra,

it was black,

you know? Oh!

And everyone knows

what that means, huh?

- Bonesville.

- Exactly! Yeah!

That's what I thought,

you know. But, uh,

her breath, it wasn't perfect,

but I was willing to make

allowances.

I was just at the city limits

when C.J. got into a fight

and all roads

to Bonesville...

- ( blows raspberry )

blockaded.

- Mm.

What was the fight over?

I have a lot

of unresolved issues.

Charlie:

Did you fight too?

- Only when I'm with C.J.

- Yeah, I'm the fighter.

- Scott's the lover.

( snorts )

- Charlie:
Mm.

Scott doesn't talk.

He's busy equating

silence with brilliance.

- That's smart.

- C.J.:
Yeah.

What is that,

Pez?

( laughs )

I haven't seen

one of these since...

Well, it's either Pez

or junk, Charlie.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, your call.

( chuckles )

What's that smell?

Smells like perfume.

Say...

you boys...

you ain't kinda, you know,

"funny," are you?

( laughs )

- Huh?

- ( C.J. lisping )

You're hilarious, Chaz.

- Sh*t.

- ( laughing )

You've got something

there on your

nice, clean

letter jacket, Scott.

Looks like lipstick.

- Right there.

- Mm.

Charlie:

Mm.

Lipstick

on your dipstick

Told a tale on you.

( laughing )

- It's ketchup, okay?

- Uh-huh.

Well, we can't have

the Yale jacket

besmirched.

That looms large

in his legend.

My brother--

All-Ivy League Quarterback,

two years running, Yale.

- Oh, great.

- Yeah.

The guys from the Browns

and Vikes are already

scouting him and Reebok--

Why don't we just pull

over and form a small

religion around the guy?

Maybe make him a shrine

of ice and call it

a night, huh?

Hey, look,

all I'm saying is...

it's more than

a letterman's jacket.

It's, uh...

- I don't know.

What would call it?

- Holy raiment.

Yeah, okay.

Look, all I'm saying

is my brother's never

lost at anything.

Anything.

We call it The Streak.

You want to take a right

up here on Cedar, Scott.

( Cadillac engine

rumbles )

I think those guys

are back.

Who?

( Cadillac engine revs )

They sure are friendly.

Scott:

What the hell's the deal

with this clown?

These guys friends

of yours?

Charlie, are they acting

like friends of ours?

C.J.:

You should've

slammed on your brakes,

- taught those

f***ers a lesson.

- That's nice language, son.

The language

comes with the face.

- Know what I'm saying?

- Sure do.

This is what comes

from the hunt.

You must have some issues

your own self, my friend.

I don't have issues.

- I don't sit

on things that long.

- How'd you get yours?

Me and my brother

were deer hunters,

but we don't use guns;

Bow and arrow,

in the name

of the sport.

Chuckles, how manly.

I hit this deer--

one shot, clean through

the heart.

I go to gut it,

but the buck has

life in him yet.

He swings his antler,

and the damned point

cuts me right here

and just goes--

whack!

I knew what

the old buck was thinking--

"heart for a heart."

That's the way

of things, isn't it?

- Yours?

- I got this Uncle Jimmy--

tripwire vet.

Crazy dude--

'Nam zombie.

Takes me trout-fishing

by moonlight.

He says

that's the best time.

What the hell

do I know?

So, dumb ass that I am,

standing too close,

Uncle Jimmy casts

and hooks me.

Freaked and pulled away

leaving half my face

on the line.

And that's the story

of me and Uncle Jimmy.

I call it "When You Wish

Upon a Scar."

The thing about a scar--

you shouldn't try

to hide it.

You know, wear it

like a badge.

That way, it takes on

a kind of beauty.

Chicks dig scars.

You find that

to be the case, C.J.?

- I'm gonna miss

you, Chuckster.

- ( laughs )

But I can't say when.

What the hell

are they doing?

Charlie, maybe you should

do something, being a cop

and all?

Oh man. I'm off-duty

and way too tired to deal

with jokers like this.

Just go around 'em.

Scott:

Well, so long, Caddy.

Have a nice life.

( engine rattling )

( softly )

Sh*t.

( engine revs )

- What do they want?

- What do you think

they want--

they want to drag.

You gonna give them

what they want?

( snorts )

With you in the car?

I think I'd like

to keep my license.

I told you,

I'm off-duty.

If it was me,

I'd kick their asses.

- ( Cadillac engine revs )

- You do what you want.

Come on, go for it.

Oh sh*t.

Jeep.

Jeep!

Very nice.

Hey, you want

me to drive, huh?

( tires screech )

- Why are we following them?

- I'm not following,

I'm losing.

Holy sh*t!

They're killing my Saab!

Who are these guys?

- Oh sh*t.

- Scott, back off.

- Scott, we gotta

get in that lane!

- C.J.:
He's right this time.

Robby:

Scott!

- Jesus! Oh God!

- ( truck horn blaring )

( tires squeal )

( screams )

( whispers )

Holy sh*t.

Now that

was excellent!

Whoo!

Look at my goddamn

car, man.

Well, perhaps now

is a good time

to re-evaluate

your over-the-top

attachment to material

things.

( laughs )

I gotta hand it

to you, Scott,

you're one mean mother

behind the wheel.

Look what those crackers

did to my car.

I told you, Scott,

you don't mess

with the Caddy.

Sorry.

Whoa.

God. I tried

to call my brother.

The lines are down.

That's a bad storm!

Don't they

give you some kind

of walkie-talkie thing?

( chuckles )

Yeah, right.

We gotta get

to a phone.

- I'm gonna

call Mom and Dad.

- No, you're not.

Well, then you

call them.

I'm sure they'll listen

to Mr. All-State.

Hey, Robby, Dad can't

know about this.

That's death.

You know that.

Yeah, I know.

Charlie:

Must be tough being

the little brother.

Invisible in the light

of the hero?

Hey Charlie,

you talk

like you know us.

You don't know

anything,

so enough of the backwoods

psychiatry, okay?

- It's just making

things worse.

- ( sighs )

You had to come all the way

to Wisconsin to get laid?

They don't have girls

back at Yale?

Well, they do,

but they're all kind

of Jodie Foster-ish.

And my man Scott?

Well, he likes 'em

a little road-tested.

Is that the way

you like 'em, Scott?

A little dusty?

A little dirty?

( chuckles )

Charlie, what the hell

do you care?

Waitress:

Storm took the power.

Everybody out.

What the hell

is that?

Okay, what the hell

is this?

Well, it isn't fan mail.

Robby:
Sin?

What sin?

Will find who out?

What the hell does

that mean?

It means Wisconsin is

getting too weird

and I really

really want to go home.

I'm just looking

for a ride down the road,

and I'm off-duty

so I don't make any

judgments, but...

what the hell

you boys been up to?

This sh*t ain't

coming off, man.

Did it just get darker?

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