Blades Of Glory Page #2

Otto and Ella Van Waldenberg,

the twin dynamos Stranz and Fairchild

burst out of the womb and onto the ice

while their sister, Katie,

cheered from the sidelines.

Theirs seemed to be a charmed life

until March 14th, 1987

when their parents died tragically

in a car crash.

Katie would survive.

The world wondered, had Stranz

and Fairchild gone into a layback spin

from which they could never recover?

But the siblings' commitment was such

that they were back in the training rink

within hours of the funeral.

So tonight, the crowd cheers on

their beloved Van Waldenbergs.

SCOTT:
Well, Stranz and Fairchild,

how heavy is that gold

around your necks?

Scott, this may be solid gold

but to us it's lighter than air

because dreams never weigh you down.

No. Dreams are in your sleep.

What about the amazing

Michaels and MacElroy?

Two gold medals?

Yeah. That's great.

SCOTT:
Well, speaking of gold medals,

the winners of the men's singles

are taking their place

at the podium right now.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

SCOTT:
This has to be a proud moment

for Michaels and MacElroy.

You have to think, the only thing

sweeter than winning a gold medal

is sharing it

with your fellow countryman.

Gosh, I'm getting sick.

You smell like

aftershave and taco meat.

Yes, I do. Now scoot over.

Don't touch me. Nobody touches me.

- Just scoot over, man.

- Don't.

- Just scoot over.

- You scoot over.

LAMPLEY:
Now there's some jostling

atop the podium

and down goes

Chazz Michael Michaels.

MacElroy still waving to the crowd.

Look, MacElroy's also down now.

SCOTT:
I have never in all my years

seen anything

this disgraceful on the world stage.

I am stunned silent,

absolutely silent, Jim.

You get that damned bird out of my face

before I break its neck.

LAMPLEY:
A perfect head butt!

Down goes MacElroy!

SCOTT:
And Spaetzle's aflame!

Spaetzle! Oh, my God!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GIRL CRYING)

MAN ON TV:
As we prepare to hear

testimony, Michaels and MacElroy

will be given a chance

to defend their actions at Stockholm...

We love you, Jimmy.

Hey. Nancy Kerrigan.

You an official here?

'Cause you have officially given me

a boner.

I'm a sex addict. It's my cross to bear.

It's a real disease with doctors

and medicine and everything.

(GAVEL POUNDING)

EBBERS:
Let's get started, shall we?

If either one of you would like

to make a statement

before the commission

passes judgment,

you may do so at this time.

Fans, friends, esteemed members

of the committee,

I don't know what I can say,

but I pray you can all forgive me.

More than that,

I pray the children can forgive me.

Oh, my God.

- I place my future in their tiny hands.

- That is retarded.

God bless you. God bless everyone.

Thank you.

God bless you, Jimmy.

God bless your heart.

Maxim.

Last issue.

"Chazz Michael Michaels

is figure skating."

Boom!

(WOMAN CHEERING)

All right, duly noted.

In accordance with the rules of

the International Skating Federation,

James MacElroy

and Charles Michael Michaels,

you are to be stripped of your medals...

What?

...and banned from men's figure skating

for the remainder of your lives!

Hey, you listen to me, old man!

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

Oh, that sucks.

Look what you did to my ex-wife!

I'm gonna pop you

in the back of the head.

Banned for life. That's a long time.

Jimmy, it'll all work out.

It's time for a fresh start.

- Yeah, a fresh start. Exactly.

- Good. Jimmy,

- I'm un-adopting you.

- What?

I don't think un-adopting

is the right word.

Legally, I'm disowning you.

But it amounts to the same thing, so...

But I've been your son for 26 years.

Twenty-two, so nobody can say

I didn't try. We've had a good run.

Now, I think it would be best for all of us

if we didn't drag this out. Clean break.

It would make it easier for me, Jimmy,

if you left now.

Wait!

It's like a Band-Aid. Just rip it off.

We'll both feel better.

MAN ON PA:
Hey, everybody,

get your tickets for the second show.

Second show tickets now available.

(SINGING) Tra-la-la-la, tra-la-la-la

We sing a grublet song

We love to roam our woodsy home

Of greenery and scenery and song

Tra-la-la-la, tra-la-la-la

A grublet sings along

Oh, God.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

I hate you.

(SIGHS)

I hate my life.

Oh, no! It's the evil wizard!

CHILDREN:
Boo!

(LAUGHING)

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

(LAUGHING)

(HOT BLOODED PLAYING)

I mean, I had it with skating

for the judges, you know?

Just like, I don't need that.

I mean, for me, it's so much

more satisfying to see the...

The eyes of a small child,

seeing that wonder as they...

They see you skate out there

with a big wizard head on, you know?

Nice. Really nice.

Hey, Sammy, it's not what it looks like.

Sam. Sammy, come on, baby.

You knew this was how I rolled

when you met me.

No. When I met you,

you were a great figure skater.

Now you're getting stoned

with the Woodland Fairies.

I don't even know

who you are any more.

You're living in the past, Sammy.

Come on,

me and the Woodland Fairies,

we're living in the here and now.

And we're feeling so free.

Come on, join us.

(WHOOPING)

Baby. Come on, babe.

Hey, Michaels, let's go. Lace up.

The fog machines are primed.

Second show's

almost three-quarters full.

- You drunk?

- No.

But this ought to do it.

I would fire you

if you weren't so goddamn beautiful

out there.

- You smell like urine.

- A lot?

Get your head on.

They don't feel right.

That's because I'm not finished.

You see, it helps to think of the laces

as belonging to three distinct groups.

First, the foundation.

(GROANING)

They're too tight.

Daddy! He's crushing me.

Doing it right takes a little bit longer,

but it's worth it.

Hey, what are you doing?

She said it's too tight.

Well, but she's wrong.

I mean, who are you gonna trust,

a little girl or Jimmy MacElroy?

- Who the hell is Jimmy MacElroy?

- Is there a problem here, sir?

Yeah, this kid is torturing

my daughter's foot.

I'm so sorry, sir.

You know what, Jimmy? Off the skates,

you're on stockroom duty, now. Let's go.

Hey, Jimmy.

Hector?

What are you doing here?

You know

I have a restraining order against you.

Oh, that thing?

You look great, Jimmy.

You look amazing. Your hair rocks.

Thanks.

You look so good. Oh, my gosh.

Do you look at yourself?

I totally wanna cut off your skin and

wear it to my birthday. It's coming up.

Yeah, listen, it's great to see you,

Hector, but I'm really busy right now.

Okay, all right, I'm sorry.

I'll cut to the chase.

- You gotta start skating again, Jimmy.

- What?

It's embarrassing stalking a has-been,

you know what I mean?

Look, I almost gave up on you.

I started working

with that Ukrainian skater,

you know the one that looks like Elvis?

And I moved to the Ukraine

and it was cold and everyone had guns

and smelled like soup.

I sympathize with you, Hector.

I really do, but there's nothing I can do.

I'm banned for life.

Don't be so sure.

Section 14, paragraph G,

"A lifetime ban is irrevocable

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