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a gorilla filling that position.

It's a thyroid thing.

- Heh.

- Where was he gonna take you?

Africa.

It was gonna be incredible. Look at that.

- Sun, sand, safaris.

- Wow.

- Oh, my God.

- He must really like you a lot.

Sorry, I'm not getting it at all.

Okay. And this concludes our business.

Thank you. Africa.

So he's just gonna go here

all by himself with his kids now?

No. He's heartbroken now.

Nobody gets to go.

Oh, damn it!

Why does he have to have joint custody?

I thought the mother always got the kids.

I mean, this is a week away.

I hope he gets his money back.

- A week out? Not a chance.

- Aah!

Well, maybe they do things

differently in Africa.

I forgot you were an expert

at closets and African refund policies.

Okay. Kick him out.

Don't let him talk to you like that.

- Get out.

- I'm leaving.

Jen. My boys would give anything

to go on a vacation like this.

Mr. Theodopolis. Hi. It's Jim Friedman.

I don't mean to be a vulture picking on

the carcass of your dead relationship.

But I wonder...

...if you'd sell me the vacation...

...you were gonna go on

with Freddy Krueger's sister?

I have been saving and saving.

I could never give him full value for it...

...but something's better than nothing,

right, sir?

It would just be the three of us.

It would just be the four of us

so we only need one room.

Oh, my God. Wait until I tell the boys.

Wait till I tell the girls!

We're going to Africa!

Welcome to Africa

Welcome, welcome

I can't believe we're here.

This is pretty cool, Mom.

Yeah.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome

So I did good? This is better than,

like, bowling and the mall?

Oh, yeah.

- Welcome, welcome

- Africa!

Thank you so much. Thank you.

This is terrific. This is great.

What the 'Eu... '?

- Brendan!

- What the fudge is he doing here?

We're going on family vacations together now?

I have no idea

why they followed us to Africa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is this a sick dream?

What is happening right now?

You're stalking my mom! You're a predator!

Hey! Don't talk to my dad like that, butthole!

- Language!

- How about you don't correct my daughter?

She can say "butthole" if she wants to.

- Butthole! Butthole!

- Not you.

I hear thunder on the mountain. Ha-ha-ha.

Welcome to South Africa.

Mfana at your service.

Mfana.

Uh, Jim. I mean, Dick.

Dick Theodopolis.

Welcome, Dick Theodopolis!

And you are traveling

with one little girl and two, uh...

- Big girls.

- Ha-ha-ha. Of course.

And you must be...

...Miss Palmer.

Yes. Jen Palmer.

Oh, I see what you did.

I see what you did too.

Are you ready for the most exciting,

amazing, and romantic week...

...of your entire lives?

Exciting, amazing, romantic!

Yeah, we're here for the zero

romance package.

You still haven't told the children,

my friends?

Told the children what?

- Do I have a new mommy?

- Mfana.

Will you do us a favor?

Leave us alone for just two secs.

- Which means "of course."

- Thank you.

All right. Listen. Would you just

reassure my son that we're not dating.

We are not dating! I promise you.

This is not a face I want to wake up

to every morning.

Wow.

You'd be lucky to wake up

to that every day. My mom is frigging hot.

Did you just say your mom was hot?

No! Not hot...!

That's just wrong.

- Tyler! Tyler!

- Whoo!

- Get down from there!

- Wee!

Oh, God! Please, please,

please, please get down!

- Whoo!

- Aah!

This place is ginormous!

Oh, my God!

Follow me. Right this way.

Welcome to your familymoon.

Whoa.

This is so cool.

Now we're talking! This is Africa, baby!

We'll take this room.

No! We want this room.

Silly Theocropolises! This is for the children.

This room is for the mama and the papa.

Look at that bed.

- Huge.

- Awesome.

- This is so cool.

- Look at this candy.

Here is where you make more

Theopotamuses.

My bad.

What part of "not dating"

does this bed fit into?

- Oh, boy.

- Okay. You know what?

Everybody fall into line.

Brendan, Tyler honey,

I need you on the couch.

Hilary, C-SPAN, Lou...

Espn, Espn.

Excuse me. Espn. I'm sorry, honey.

Oh, my God.

Dick was gonna propose to Jen.

A family honeymoon, a "familymoon."

And your dumb friend ruined it.

Here's what's gonna happen.

The first room we saw,

we're gonna take that.

And you and your deranged boys can

have Wilt Chamberlain's headquarters.

Dude, what are you eating?

Mm. "Cherry Pan-ties."

What are "Cherry Pan-ties"?

Let me see that.

- Oh, no! God! Spit it out! Spit it out!

- Why?

Just no Cherry Pan-ties ever!

Out, out, out!

Hey, Mom.

I guess this used to be a firehouse.

Look at this place. Wow.

Hello, Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Heh. Theodopolis.

Hello...

Girls.

- Girls. They're girls.

- That's twice.

Let's go, guys... Girls.

23. We're looking for 23.

There it is.

- Ahem.

- Oh.

'Hi!

How you doing?

I think we're sharing a table with you.

Yeah. Hi! I'm Eddy Wernick and this

is Ginger Wernick and our son, Jake.

We're from Vancouver.

Okay. I'm your son. All right?

Ginger would've had to give birth to me

when she was 6. She's not my mom.

Okay. Get it out there for everyone.

Sharing it, loving it. No holding back.

That's good.

- All right. Let's do our thing. Come on.

- Isn't this place fantastic?

- So romantic.

- Oh.

Good. Gonna have a nice trip here.

- Um, Dad?

- Hey, sweetie.

Where should I sit?

You can sit anywhere you want.

What about Mom?

Where does she sit?

Uh, where do you want her to sit?

Next to me?

Then that's where she'll sit.

Go ahead.

Get right next to Lou.

Your mom's right there.

Okay?

All good.

Ignoring it. Ignoring the weirdness.

Ah.

Where's the funeral at, boys?

Where's the golf tournament at, girls?

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

Mfana. Mfana!

Yes! Missus, uh...?

Reynolds. Palmer!

Just not his wife, okay?

I don't wanna sit here.

Not gonna happen.

Ha, ha. I'm afraid it must happen, ma'am.

All tables are filled

and this is your family.

Please sit with us.

You give it a try.

Every family fights.

- You make it better.

- Mm-hm.

- Yes?

- Yes.

Try the chakalaka.

- Hi, new people.

- Hello.

This is Lauren, by the way, and her children,

Wax On and Wax Off.

Isn't this place fantastic?

Oh, it's so romantic.

Sorry, what'd you say?

So romantic!

Easy-

Keeping it classy, huh, Ginger?

Oh, Jakey,

you have something on your face.

Oh, it's a mole.

Hey! You can't sit there.

- Why not?

- My mom's sitting there.

- Is she in the bathroom or something?

- No. She's sitting there right now.

Are you on meds?

Ow!

It's okay, Espn.

We'll get Brendan another chair.

Thank you.

Whatever. I'm just gonna go

to the buffet.

Tyler, come with me.

They eat fried caterpillars here.

Hell, yeah!

Very nice.

Girls, why don't you hit the buffet also?

Larry, make sure you have plenty of beef,

okay? Gotta bulk up for the season.

Love you. Go on.

"Bulk up for the season"?

What is she, a bear?

She's trying out for girls' varsity this year.

A lot of big ladies out there.

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