Blended Page #5

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- She's gonna eat her way into the starting five.

- My God.

Hello, everybody!

My name is Nickens.

And we are Thathoo!

We play traditional South African

isicathamiya music...

...with a little bit of American soul.

- Ha-ha-ha!

- It is getting a little hot in here.

Finally, my huge African arms are free.

Yeah, baby!

Yes, they are.

No.

I would like to welcome you to our...

...Fourth Annual Blended

Familymoon Week!

- What's a blended family?

- I don't know. It sounds painful, though.

I am looking out at all you beautiful...

...stepchildren, stepdads, stepmoms...

...half-brothers, same-sex domestic

partners, and good old-fashioned...

...booty calls gone wrong. Ha-ha-ha.

Now, even though

the emphasis is on family...

...we here at the beautiful Sun City Resort

want to make sure...

...you get some alone time.

Oh...

Because alone time can sometime

take a long time...

...we have many supervised activities

for the young ones to do.

We have a fabulous jungle play zone.

A nightly pool party.

Hey, Espn. Why aren't you getting in?

Is your mom afraid of the water?

Good one, Mom.

Magical animal time.

Little one, wouldn't you like

to try petting a living animal?

He's dead?

And our famous Tekula teen disco!

Hey, dude.

There's a lot of hot chicks out here.

The best time.

What the heck is...?

What is that?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God! Oh, God!

Oh, God! Crocodile!

Crocodile attack!

Help me! Somebody help me!

Please don't kill me!

God! Oh, my God!

Mr. Bellyflopolis,

the crocodiles are fake!

They're fake?

Yes, they're fake!

Why would you make them

look so realistic?

Well, to scare the baboons away.

You just scared a zebra stripe

into my underwear!

Don't worry!

What happens in Africa, stays in Africa.

Oh. Oh.

Tyler. Okay.

Excuse me. Oh.

Okay-

That's one way to get him to sleep

through the night.

- You saw that?

- I actually heard it.

I think they heard it in Uganda.

It was a lot easier

when he was Lou's age.

Of course, let me help you out here.

Here you are. You're home.

- Thank you.

- Absol... Oh. Too late.

- Aah!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

All right, all right, all right.

Pick him up.

Three-second rule. Three-second rule.

Good, good, good.

You're fine. He's fine.

Okay, now I'm getting scared.

Okay-

Sleep, sleep.

Too hot in here. No blanket, okay? Shh.

Here's your buddy.

Love ya, love ya.

Mom's sleeping there.

Okay, can I sleep with her?

No, you'll crush her.

No, I could get in with her and spoon

with her. It would be nice.

- I don't wanna see that.

- No. Okay.

We'll let Mommy rest.

I'll, uh... I'll figure it out.

I love you.

- I love you too, Dad. Good night.

- Sleep good.

Me and you there, shorty.

Okay, that's right.

Right on my neck.

That's gonna make a nice evening for me.

Hey, guys. It is time to wake up.

Africa awaits us. It's a beautiful morning.

- Is he crazy?

- Go away. It's way too early.

Lou, will you wake up

with Daddy, please?

In the name of Lucifer, let us sleep.

Up, up, up, you two.

I have quite a day planned.

I need a coffee.

Morning.

- Big day planned?

- Oh, yeah.

7:
15 nature walk. 8:30 petting zoo.

10:
00 a.m. native crafts.

The boys, they're so excited.

Really? My girls are ecstatic also.

Just jumping up and down on the bed.

Can't believe they're here.

- Cream?

- No, thank you.

- Sugar?

- Yes, please.

- Couldn't get the boys out of bed?

- No.

The girls?

The girls are probably sleeping

the rest of the trip.

Possible exorcism coming

for the little one. We'll see what happens.

Well, it's beautiful here.

Oh, yeah.

- I'll see you around.

- Yeah. Have a good one.

You won't see that in New Jersey.

Okay. All right. All right. Here we go.

Okay. Here you go, baby.

That's it, sweetie. Take him down.

Take him! That's it.

Back him.

Use your weight! Muscle him.

- Unh.

- Use your body.

- Unh!

- Oh, yeah! Finish it!

- Ugh!

- And barn! That's it! Yes!

Yes! Way to go, LBW-

Winners up. Let's go. Give me the ball.

Buddy.

Up top.

And we go in. Let's go. Get loose.

Cut. Cut! Larry! Move!

Come on. What are you doing?

Larry?

Just cut! Go! Break it.

Shake him off. Come on.

Are you voguing right now?

What is happening?

Here! Just take the ball.

Work the kid. Work him. Lose him.

Cross him. Cross him over. Cross him.

Don't skip!

Why you moving like that? Is it the bra?

Because if it's the bra, just take it off.

You don't need it anyways.

What?

What are you doing? We just started.

Is your boy okay?

Why does he wear a bra?

She's a girl.

You suck.

You suck, you suck, you suck

You suck, you suck, you suck

You suck, you suck, you suck

You schooled by a little girl

Your boy has no skills

You schooled by a little girl

Tyler, slow down!

Come on, Mom!

We're going four miles per hour.

That's plenty fast enough.

Fast and safe.

Miss Palmer! It's okay to go fast.

Oh, okay, Mfana.

Watch me!

Ha-ha-ha. Wee!

- You're going the wrong way!

- Watch out, Grandma!

My bad.

The blending process

is really going well for us.

My husband's 13-year-old still

has some hatred issues towards me.

But it is becoming less physical,

so it's a start.

- That's great.

- Good for you.

I woke up this morning with a pillow

pressed against my face.

But I could sense some guilt afterwards.

So that's progress.

Hang in there, ladies.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

This little angel here...

...is finally starting to think of me

as her second mom.

Not just her former gymnastics teacher.

What are you drawing, honey?

It's a picture of elephants stomping

on your head and making you dead.

- Heh-heh-heh.

- Stop it.

Don't worry.

What happens in Africa stays in Africa.

Bump my fist?

- Ha, ha. Jim's so funny.

- Yeah.

My head is boiling, Mom. Get it off.

I'm trying.

- Why did you tie it with so many knots?

- I didn't want it to come flying off.

Oh, my God!

What happened to her face?

- I painted it. She's a kitty cat.

- Are you wearing eye shadow?

I made Daddy a princess,

but he washed the paint off.

Well, not all the way off

because he looks a little like Lady Gaga.

Why is this kid wearing a helmet? Are you

carrying him to bed again or something?

No, I tied the chin strap too many times.

I can't get it off.

Best thing about working at a sporting

Swiss Army knives.

- Just be careful.

- I'll go easy.

- Aah!

- Oh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- Thank you.

- Daddy, I gotta go to the bathroom.

- You do? Okay.

Can she take me?

She's got her own life to live.

What do you gotta do? One or two?

- Number one.

- I can handle this.

- Okay.

- Will you watch him?

- And I mean watch him.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it, home slice.

- Okay.

- For sure.

What's number one again?

It's a pee-pee.

And sometimes he wipes too hard.

I'm sure he doesn't mean to.

No, he's a good daddy.

He just doesn't have a bagina.

Okay, honey. Let's wash your hands.

He's a bad daddy!

He made me look like the walking dead!

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