Blithe Spirit Page #4

She's here. Look. Right in front of you.

lf this is a joke, it's gone far enough.

Now, sit down and don't be idiotic.

Well, what am l to do?

What the devil am l to do?

l really think you might be a little more pleased

to see me. After all, you conjured me up.

l didn't do any such thing.

Nonsense. Of course you did.

That awful child with the cold came and told me

that you wanted to see me urgently.

lt was all a mistake, a horrible mistake.

Stop talking like that, Charles.

The joke's gone far enough.

l've gone mad. That's what it is.

l've just gone raving mad.

RUTH:
Now, sit down.

Why are you so anxious for me to sit down?

What good will that do?

l want you to relax. You can't relax standing up.

African natives can.

They can stand on one leg for hours.

l don't happen to be an African native.

(Puts down decanter)

You don't happen to be a what?

An African native.

What's that got to do with it?

lt doesn't matter, Ruth. lt really doesn't matter.

We'll say no more about it.

- Look, l've sat down.

- Here. Drink this.

- Would you like some more?

- Yes, please.

- Very unwise. You always had a weak head.

- l could drink you under the table.

There's no need to be aggressive.

l'm doing my best to help you.

Sorry.

Now, drink this, then we can go upstairs to bed.

Get rid of her, Charles,

then we can talk in peace.

A thoroughly immoral suggestion.

What is there immoral in that?

- l wasn't talking to you, Ruth.

- Who were you talking to?

- Elvira, of course.

- Oh, to blazes with Elvira!

She's getting cross.

- l don't blame her.

- Look here, Charles,

l gather you've got some sort of plan

behind all this.

l'm not a fool.

Ruth, Elvira is here.

She's standing a few yards away from you.

l can see her distinctly, under the piano, with

the zebra. l'm not going to stay here arguing.

- Hooray!

- Shut up.

- How dare you speak to me like that.

- But...

l will not listen to any more of this nonsense.

l'm going upstairs to bed.

l shall leave you to turn out the lights.

l won't be asleep, l'm much too upset,

so you can come in

and say good night to me, if you feel like it.

That's big of her, l must say.

You're behaving like a guttersnipe.

That is all l have to say.

Good night, Charles.

That was one of the most enjoyable half hours

l've ever spent.

Oh, Elvira, how could you?

Poor Ruth.

This is some sort of hallucination, isn't it?

l'm afraid l don't know the technical term for it.

Where have you come from?

Do you know, it's very peculiar,

but l've sort of forgotten.

Will you be here indefinitely?

l'm afraid l don't know that, either.

Why? Would you hate it so much if l was?

You must admit, it would be embarrassing.

l don't see why, really.

lt's all a question of adjusting yourself.

Anyway, l think it's horrid of you

to be so unwelcoming and disagreeable.

- Look, here...

- l think you're mean.

Try to see my point of view. l've been married to

Ruth for five years, you've been dead for seven.

Not dead, Charles, ''passed over''.

lt's considered very vulgar to say ''dead''

where l come from.

Passed over, then.

l don't believe you love me any more.

l shall always love the memory of you.

Well, l really am a little hurt.

You called me back,

and at great inconvenience l came,

and you've been thoroughly churlish

ever since l arrived.

l most emphatically did not call you back.

There's been some mistake.

Perhaps it was your subconscious.

Find out if you're going to stay or not

and we can make arrangements.

l don't see how l can.

Well, try and think.

lsn't there anyone you know, that you can get

in touch with over there, who can advise you?

No. l can't think.

lt all seems so far away,

as though l'd dreamed it.

Oh, Charles.

What is it?

Well, l want to cry, but l don't think l'm able to.

What would you want to cry for?

Well, seeing you again and you being

so irascible like you always used to be.

- l don't mean to be irascible.

- Darling, l don't mind. l never did.

ls it cold being a ghost?

No, l don't think so.

What happens if l touch you?

l doubt if you can.

Do you want to?

Oh, Elvira.

What is it, darling?

lt certainly does seem strange seeing you again.

That's better.

- What's better?

- Your voice was kinder.

- Was l ever unkind to you when you were alive?

- Often.

- l'm sure you're exaggerating.

- Not at all.

You were an absolute pig that time we went

to Cornwall and stayed in that awful hotel.

You hit me with a billiard cue.

Mm, but only very, very gently.

l loved you very much.

l loved you, too.

No. l can't touch you.

lsn't that horrible?

Perhaps it's just as well

if l'm to stay here for any length of time.

Well, l suppose l shall wake up eventually,

but l feel strangely peaceful now.

- That's right. Put your head back.

- Like this?

Can you feel anything?

Only a very little breeze through my hair.

Well, that's better than nothing.

l suppose if l'm really out of my mind,

they'll put me in an asylum.

Don't you worry about that. Just relax.

- Poor Ruth.

- (Sniggers)

Nuts to Ruth.

MR CONDOMlNE:
Good morning, Edith.

Good morning, sir.

- Feeling fit?

- Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

- How's Cook?

- l don't know, sir. l haven't asked her.

You should begin every day by asking everyone

how they are. lt oils the wheels.

- Greet her for me, will you?

- Yes, sir.

- Good morning, darling.

- Good morning.

- lt certainly is.

- What certainly is what?

A good morning, a tremendously good morning.

Not a cloud in the sky

and everything looks newly washed.

- Anything interesting in the Times?

- Don't be silly.

- l intend to work all day.

- Good.

- lt's extraordinary about daylight, isn't it?

- How do you mean?

The way it reduces everything to normal.

l'm sure l'm very glad to hear it.

- You're very glacial.

- Are you surprised?

l take back what l said

about it being a good morning.

- lt's a horrid morning.

- You'd better eat your breakfast while it's hot.

lt isn't.

ln your younger days, this display

of roguish flippancy might have been alluring.

ln a middle-aged novelist, it's nauseating.

What have l done that's so awful?

You behaved abominably last night.

You wounded me and insulted me.

l was the victim of an aberration.

- Nonsense. You were drunk.

- Drunk?

You had two strong dry Martinis before dinner,

a great deal too much Burgundy at dinner,

heaven knows how much port with Dr Bradman

while l was entertaining that mad woman

and two large brandies later.

Of course you were drunk.

That's your story, is it?

l wasn't in the least drunk.

Something happened to me last night.

Something very peculiar happened to me.

- l really don't wish to discuss it further.

- You must. lt's very disturbing.

During the seance,

l was convinced l heard Elvira's voice.

- Nobody else did.

- l can't help that. l did.

You couldn't have.

Later on, l was equally convinced

she was in the room. l saw her and talked to her.

After you'd gone to bed,

Rate this script:3.5 / 2 votes