Blithe Spirit Page #7

l have no wish to have a jolly time with Elvira.

She's certainly very bad-tempered.

l can't think why you married her.

- Where is she at the moment?

- She's on the... ln the chair.

Oh, you are sweet, Charles, darling.

l worship you.

- l want to be perfectly frank with you, Elvira.

- Hold on to your hats, boys.

l admit l did see Madame Arcati

with a view to having you exorcised.

lf you'd been in my position,

you'd have done exactly the same.

What did Madame Arcati say?

- She couldn't do a thing.

- Hooray!

Don't be upset, Ruth, dear.

We shall adjust ourselves.

You must admit, it's a unique position.

No reason why we shouldn't get

a great deal of fun out of it.

Fun?!

How can you, Charles?

You must be out of your mind.

Yes, l thought l was at first.

Now, l must admit, l'm beginning to enjoy myself.

- Oh, this is intolerable!

- Don't get into another state.

l have been doing my level best

to control myself since yesterday morning

and l am not going to do it any more.

l don't like Elvira, any more than she likes me,

and l'm sure l never could have, dead or alive.

lf, since her untimely arrival, she'd shown

the slightest sign of good manners or breeding,

l might have felt differently toward her.

All she's done is make mischief,

to have private jokes with you against me.

Tomorrow, l'm going up to London

to see the Psychical Research Society.

lf they fail me, l shall go

to the Archbishop of Canterbury!

l shall be back on the 6:45. You and Elvira

can joke and gossip to your hearts' content.

lt's clouding over.

You have a genius for understatement.

Edith! Edith!

Cook! What on earth's happened?

Where's Edith?

- Charles?

- Nothing to worry about. Only a slight strain.

Oh, l'm so relieved,

but who was in the ambulance?

That, dear, was the gardener.

Men are much worse patients than women,

particularly highly-strung men.

- ls he highly strung?

- He's been overworking lately.

- Overworking?

- He's in a nervous condition.

- Nothing serious.

- What makes you think so?

- l know the symptoms.

- What symptoms?

lt's nothing to be unduly alarmed about.

A certain air of strain, an inability

to focus his eyes on the person he's talking to,

a few irrelevancies in his conversation.

l see. Can you remember any specific example?

He suddenly shouted,

''What are you doing in the bathroom?''

Then, a little later, he suddenly said,

''For heaven's sake, behave yourself.''

- Extraordinary. How is Edith?

- She'll be all right. Only a slight concussion.

(Door slams)

- How does it feel now?

All right. ls this sling essential? l had hoped

to drive into Folkestone this evening.

- Be much better if you didn't.

- You could wait and go tomorrow.

l can't stand another of those dreary evenings

at home. lt'll drive me dotty.

Besides, l haven't seen a movie for seven years.

Let me congratulate you.

- What's that, old man?

- Charles, do try to be sensible.

- Sorry. l forgot.

- You can drive, if you go very slowly.

Use your right arm as little as possible.

Thank you.

- Goodbye, Mrs Condomine.

- Goodbye.

- l'll pop round and see you tomorrow morning.

- Thank you.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

Charles.

- Yes?

- Where's Elvira?

- She slipped out of the front door.

- Are you sure she's not here?

- Yes. Quite sure.

- Good.

- l want to talk to you.

- Oh, dear.

You're not going to start making scenes again?

This is a fight, Charles.

lt's a duel to the death between Elvira and me.

Melodramatic hysteria.

The poor little thing comes back trusting me

after all these years in the other...

Elvira is as trusting as a puff adder

and a good deal more dangerous.

She came here with one purpose only. lf you

can't see it, you're a bigger fool than l thought.

What purpose, beyond the natural desire

to see me again?

She was extremely attached to me, poor child.

Her purpose is obvious.

lt's to get you to herself for ever.

That's absurd. How could she?

- By killing you off, of course.

- Killing me off? You're mad.

Doesn't it strike you as peculiar that you all met

with violent accidents on the same day?

Why should she want to kill me? l could

understand her wanting to kill you, but me?

lf you were dead,

it would be her final triumph over me.

She'd have you for ever on her beastly

astral plane. l'd be left high and dry.

She's probably planning some sort of spiritual

remarriage. l wouldn't put anything past her.

Ruth!

Stop looking like a wounded spaniel

and concentrate. This is serious.

l'm going to see Madame Arcati. l don't care

how cross she is. She's got to help us.

Even if she can't get rid of Elvira, she must know

some method of rendering her harmless.

l'll be back in half an hour.

Tell Elvira l've gone to see the vicar.

This is appalling.

Never mind about that. Don't give yourself away

by so much as the flick of an eyelid.

- Look out.

- What?

- l merely said it was a nice lookout.

- What is a nice lookout?

The... The weather, Elvira.

l find it very difficult to believe

that you and Ruthie can't think of anything

more interesting to talk about than the weather.

Ah, but the glass has gone down and down.

lt's positively macabre.

Charles and l were not discussing the weather.

l was trying to persuade him

not to drive you into Folkestone.

lt would be bad for his arm

and you can easily go tomorrow.

However, as he seems determined

to place your wishes before mine in everything,

l really have nothing further to say.

l'm sure l hope

you both enjoy yourselves very much.

Are you ready?

- What for?

- To go to Folkestone, of course.

- l want a sherry first.

- l don't believe you want to take me at all.

lt'll be more sensible to wait until tomorrow.

lt's a filthy night.

- Oh, how familiar all this is.

- ln what way, ''familiar''?

All through our married life, l only had to suggest

something for you to start hedging me off.

l wasn't hedging you off. l merely said that l...

Oh, all right. We'll spend another nice, cosy,

intimate evening at home,

with Ruth sewing away

at that hideous table centre

and snapping at us like a terrier.

Ruth is perfectly aware the table centre's

hideous. lt's a birthday present for her mother.

lf you don't behave,

l shan't take you into Folkestone.

Oh, please, Charles, don't be elderly

and grand with me. Please, let's go now.

The car won't be back for half an hour at least.

- What do you mean?

- Ruth's taken it.

- She had to go and see the vicar.

- What?

What's the matter?

Are you saying that Ruth has taken the car?

Yes, to see the vicar, but she won't be long.

Oh, Charles. Oh, Charles.

What have you done?

- l haven't done anything.

- You're lying.

- What's there to lie about?

- Why are you in a state?

- You've done something dreadful.

- l haven't. l swear l haven't.

The car. That's it. The car.

- No, Charles, no.

- Ruth was right. You were trying to kill me.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

- Ruth!

(Ruth drives off)

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