Block-Heads Page #2

- Now I'm nearly in.

- All right.

There's one...

Come here!

Why didn't you tell me you had two legs?

You didn't ask me.

- Get in the car!

- I've always had 'em.

You are better now? Hm!

Go and get the guy to move that truck.

Go on.

(Air hisses)

- The guy isn't there.

- Well, move it yourself.

(Engine starts)

(Gears crunch)

(Pneumatic hiss)

Hold it. Steady. Thank you.

You can say that that was

the largest boar ever bagged in India.

Kept me two months extra months away.

- I'll bet there's a story behind it.

- You said it.

He gave me more trouble

than a bunch of elephants.

It's safer to hunt on horseback

but I was on foot when he charged me.

When he got close enough, I fired.

The gun jammed. It was a narrow escape.

But what did you do?

To look at me, you wouldn't believe

that I am very light on my feet.

- I jumped to one side.

- You were in a spot.

But not for long.

If you keep cool, everything is all right

and I was cool - I had a chill in my back.

I took out both of my revolvers

and I let him have 12 shots. Six and six.

He almost made you a widow, Mrs Gilbert.

I never worry about my husband.

When he takes aim, it's a bullseye.

Unlike other hunters,

I don't bring 'em back alive.

I bring 'em back dead. I come back alive.

Did you get those elephant tusks in India?

No. In Africa. I was with my safari...

"Safari" means a bunch of native boys.

I had my lion gun with me -

that's smaller than an elephant gun.

When jumbo came charging after me,

I let him have the full magazine.

You think that bothered him?

That made him angry. It made him mad!

He pulled over five or six trees.

He charged again. I took aim.

And I let him have it.

- I'll be that did the trick.

- Well, there's his teeth.

I've got to go down to the gun shop. I'm

having a new gun made especially for me.

I mean, for elephants. Goodbye, dear.

- Goodbye, darling.

- Excuse me.

Thanks. This'll make an interesting story.

- Who opened the door?

- No one.

- It opens automatically.

- How do you mean?

Well, you see that plate?

You just drive over that, the door opens.

I never saw anything like that.

Mind if I try it?

No. Go ahead. Just drive straight back.

Now just drive it forward.

Ohhh!

(Ollie groaning)

- What's it say?

- "Out of order."

- Where'd you get that?

- I found it on there.

The fella put it on there when you were...

We'll have to walk up.

(Crashing)

- What floor do you live on?

- The 13th.

- Gee, that's quite a way.

- We'll be up there in a jiffy.

What's 13 flights?

Going up?

- Five.

- That's right. Won't be long now.

- Six.

- Mm.

- How long did you say it would take?

- Just a jiffy.

- How far's a jiffy?

- About three shakes of a dead lamb's tail.

Didn't think it was so far.

Surprising the distance...

- Seven.

- Uh-huh.

- How many with seven makes 13?

- Six.

Swell. We've only got six more jiffies.

Won't be long now.

(Buzzer)

- Eight.

- Nine.

I think we'd better rest a while.

That was a good idea of yours.

Come, come. Don't block the stairway.

Who do you think you're talking to?!

You, you big overstuffed polliwog!

- You smile when you call me that!

- Ha!

If we weren't in this apartment house,

I'd wipe the floor with you!

- Don't let that stop you.

- Take him outside.

- Outside?

- See? He's afraid to go.

Who's afraid to go? Any time you're ready!

Well, there's no time like the present!

- I should say not.

- Come on!

You can't get away with that with me.

Polliwog, huh?

He can't talk to you like that.

There's going to be a fight.

There's gonna be a fight.

Hey, Ollie? What's a polliwog?

- I'll tell you later.

- There's gonna be a fight.

There's gonna be a fight.

There's gonna be a fight.

You think you can get away with that?

There's gonna be a fight.

I'd better help you.

Never mind. Just leave it to me.

It'll be over in a jiffy.

Hey. There's gonna be a fight.

We'll show him!

- If you apologise, it's all right with me.

- Apologise?! Ha! For what?

For calling me an overstuffed polliwog!

No man can call me an overstuffed

polliwog and get away with it!

All right.

You're not an overstuffed polliwog.

- That's better.

- You're an inflated blimp!

That's different.

I don't know what that means,

but these people can't be wrong.

- Then fight and shut up.

- You bet your life I'll fight.

The very idea!

He wants to fight! Come outside.

I'm gonna give you one more chance

to apologise.

Oh, all right. I'm sorry. I apologise.

I knew he was yellow!

Yellow, eh?!

Get back there and fight!

- You'd better call an ambulance.

- Yes, sir.

There's gonna be a fight. You'd better come.

- What happened?

- The fight is over.

(Horn toots)

- What did you do to him?

- Never mind.

Why did you suggest coming down here

when we could have done the same thing

on the tenth floor?

- I didn't know he was gonna...

- (Woman) Ollie!

Lulu! Gee, I haven't seen you in ages.

- You remember Stan?

- How could I forget him?

I met him today.

I haven't seen him in 20 years.

Everybody thought I was dead, didn't they?

- How did you find out you weren't?

- Well, I figured that...

- I saw my picture in the paper.

- Yeah.

- What ya doing?

- Taking Stan to meet the missus.

The missus? Are you married?

I sure am. To the finest woman in the world.

And how she can cook.

- Ollie, did you get my note?

- What note?

I just sent a note up and I wouldn't

want anybody but you to read it.

- What was in it?

- I was just... reminiscing.

Ohhh! We gotta get that note!

- Ollie. When you get it, burn it.

- I will, don't worry!

8:
30...

- Hey, what ya do that for?

- Don't bother me!

Pop! Come out here!

That fat guy kicked my ball down the stairs.

- Hey, you. Come here.

- Is there gonna be a fight?

Shh!

- Go downstairs and get that ball.

- I'm busy...

- Get going!

- Yes, sir.

- Go and get the ball for me.

- Why should I go down and get it?

I've got to get the note.

It's a matter of life and death.

- (Whimpering) I don't want to!

- Don't argue with me. And hurry up!

- Where's that ball?

- My friend's...

- I told you to get it!

- I know but...

Go on down and get that ball!

I'll wait till you bring it back.

If he thinks I'm gonna

run downstairs, he's crazy.

Give it to the kid

and don't let it happen again.

Hey, Pop! That guy kicked me!

Why don't you put some ice in it?

Come on.

- Why didn't you tell me you had the key?

- You didn't ask me.

"Didn't ask me"!

- Gee, that's pretty underwear.

- Don't get personal.

- Mr Hardy?

- Ohh!

Yes, Mrs Gilbert?

- This note was left here by mistake.

- Thank you.

- Who's it from?

- It's from Lulu... No, it isn't.

- How do I know who it's from?

- This is my friend Mr Laurel, Mrs Gilbert.

- How do you do?

- Mrs Gilbert is my neighbour.

- He's going to stay with us.

- Oh, how nice.

- How's Mrs Hardy?

- She's still just as sweet as ever.

I was telling him how well she cooks.

Yes. I hear she's one of the best.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes