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I hope you have a pleasant stay.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

(Knocking)

Come in here.

Yoo-hoo! Oh, honey?

Oh, darling!

Oh, baby?

She's gone shopping.

Sit down and make yourself at home.

You've got a swell place here.

Well, it's comfy.

- Have you got a cigarette?

- I never smoke.

Would your wife mind if I smoke my pipe?

Of course not.

What's all right with me is OK with her.

But a lot of dames are particular.

But she's not... What do you mean,

calling my wife a dame?

(Crashing)

Hello, honey.

So you were going to be back in an hour?

- Is that the wife?

- Yeah.

- You said she was the...

- She's only clowning. Come and meet her.

She's the greatest kidder

in the world. Darling?

Sugar, I want you to meet my buddy.

How often have I told you

not to bring your tramp friends here?

But I haven't seen Stan in 20 years.

I couldn't see him in a hundred years.

This is no time for levity. I've been

telling him how wonderful you could cook.

- Oh, you have?

- How about a thick, juicy steak?

- Who put that bee in your bonnet?

- He did, didn't you?

If you think

I'm going to stand over a hot stove

and cook for every knick-knack,

you're crazy.

(Gurgling)

Excuse me.

But, toots, Stanley's different.

I'll say he's different.

And don't call me toots!

- What's a knick-knack?

- A thing that sits on top of a whatnot.

And don't bother me!

(Gurgling)

(lndistinct arguing)

Will you shut up?!

If you knew this boy, you'd appreciate him.

I went to the Soldier's Home to get

him to have a nice big, juicy steak.

(Knocking)

Come outta there!

And put that pipe out.

(All talking at once)

Will you get out of my way? I'd like

somebody to cook for me for a change.

I'm not gonna stay here the rest

of my life slaving over a hot stove

for you and your good-for-nothing

buddies. Goodbye!

Goodbye.

- Let that be a lesson to you.

- What?

Never get married.

Well, thanks for the lovely time.

I'll be seeing you later.

- Where are you going?

- The Soldier's Home.

- What for?

- To eat.

You'll have something to eat

if I have to cook it myself.

You go and light the oven

and I'll set the table.

- We'll show her.

- I'll say we'll show her.

Ha! Ha! You can't do that to me!

Ha!

(Gas hissing)

Ollie?

- What?

- You got a match?

- What for?

- I want to light the oven.

Go and sit down.

You get on my nerves. I'll light it.

Any time I want something done right,

I always have to do it myself.

- (Explosion)

- Ohhh!

Mr Hardy, what in the world happened?

We had a slight accident.

I was planning to cook dinner

for Mr Laurel and...

- Where's Mrs Hardy?

- Luckily, she went out.

What would she think if she saw this?

- I shudder to think.

- Let me help you clean it up.

That's awfully sweet of you.

(Wheezing)

- Where have you been?

- I thought there was an earthquake.

Turn the gas off and get me some punch.

I'm a nervous wreck.

And get one for Mrs Gilbert.

Never mind. I'll do it myself.

That's right. Whenever you want anything

done right, always do it yourself.

- Pardon us.

- Certainly.

We'll have this place cleaned up in a jiffy.

- (Hissing)

- Turn that gas off.

Get me some glasses.

Ohh!

(Crashing)

Gee, I'm awfully sorry, Mrs Gilbert.

That's quite all right.

Accidents will happen.

- I'll get you something.

- No, don't bother.

I'll go to the apartment.

It won't take a minute to change.

- I'll be right back.

- That's awfully kind of you.

What happened?

(Crashing)

"What happened"! Oh!

Something wrong?

I left my key in the apartment. What'll I do?

Maybe Mrs Hardy left something

you can slip on.

Here, Mrs Gilbert. This is all I could find.

Take off that wet dress

before you catch cold.

I'll phone downstairs

and have them send you up a key.

- Thank you, Mr Hardy.

- You're welcome. Thank you.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

- Hello?

- Hello.

- This is Mr Hardy. How are you?

- Fine.

- Good.

- Nice weather we're having.

It's a beautiful day.

Mrs Gilbert is locked out of her apartment.

- Will you send up a key?

- What's the number?

Just a minute.

Why should I send up a key?

If she came in here and...

Mrs Gilbert, the phone is out of order.

I'll have to go downstairs.

- Would you do that?

- Yes. I'll be back in just a jiffy.

Don't take too long.

- Mrs Hardy is coming.

- That's all right. I can explain.

Not in my pyjamas you can't.

You don't know my wife.

- What are we going to do?

- We've got to hide.

- I'll find a place over here.

- You come with me.

- There's no place in here to hide.

- We must find a place. My wife'll kill me!

- Sit like a chair.

- What?

Sit like a chair, like that.

And don't make a noise.

Hold still.

Come on, quick. We can hide in here.

- What happened here?

- I don't know. We started to cook...

- Where's that big, fat billycan of mine?

- He's hiding.

- Where?

- In there.

Oh, he is, is he?

Well, he won't be hiding long.

"...see my grandfather.

The grandfather laughed. He said..."

- Hello, sugar.

- Don't sugar me!

How come my car's all smashed?

- Well, dear...

- Sit down!

I come back after five minutes

and find the place wrecked!

- If you let me...

- Sit down!

Have you been playing soldier?

(All talking at once)

I try to keep things nice for you

and I come back and find things wrecked!

Sit down, I tell you!

If you think I'm going home

to Mother, you're crazy.

Silly to go on arguing like...

I wouldn't argue.

After all, it's no good to argue.

Just because I came up here.

I had nothing to do with it.

Silly to go on arguing like that.

What are you arguing about?

If you want me to go,

I'll stay as long as you want.

Silliest thing I ever heard.

(Argument continues)

And I gave you a dollar and 25 cents!

Silliest thing I ever heard.

I wish you'd stop this argument.

It's the silliest thing I ever...

I never heard anything like it in my life.

- Isn't that terrible?

- Get up from there.

Oh, my beautiful stove!

What did you do with the kitchen?

It's wrecked!

(All shouting)

(Wheezing)

- And another thing!

- Sit down!

- Get up!

- Sit down!

- Get up!

- Sit down!

- Get up!

- Sit down! I'm the boss here!

- Sit down!

- Get up!

- Oh! I'm fed up!

- Sit down! Get up!

(lndistinct ranting)

Get up out of there! Stand up!

- She said I could.

- I don't care!

If I want to sit down, I'll sit down.

I can do just as I like

cos she told me that I could sit...

Big dumbbell!

In the trunk. Quick. Get in here quick!

- Let me tell you something.

- Let me tell you something...

- Sit down! You listen to me...

- Shush!

- I've had enough of this.

- How dare you?

Tut tut tut tut!

I'm going to leave for a change!

And I am not going home to Mother.

Pardon us.

Come, Stanley.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha!

Just a minute!

Where do you think you're going?

I've packed and I'm leaving for Honolulu!

You are? Who put that bee in your bonnet?

Stan said I should get out of here.

Besides, the trip will do me good.

Oh, you did?

So not content with wrecking my home,

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