Blockers Page #12

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because it's insane

that you even came here

in the first place.

I'd love to get

a picture with you.

Yeah.

Great. Okay.

Just gonna stand on this.

Yeah, you know...

you know the drill. Come on.

Come on. Here we go.

Gotta turn it around here.

Dad, you're not taking it.

It's...

What?

I'll remember this.

Come on.

Oh, my God.

HUNTER:

What's up, dawg?

So, I just, uh...

parented the sh*t out of Sam.

And I feel, uh...

oh, God, like, uh...

pride, I think.

- That's it.

- It's new.

Good for you, man.

Thanks.

Well done, my friend.

- Thank you.

- Well done.

How'd it go with Kayla?

Put Connor through a wall.

Are you serious?

(chuckling):

Yeah. He's okay.

Yeah, he's lighter

than I thought.

(both laughing)

Hey.

Hi.

So, Julie's, um...

Julie's having sex right now.

- Okay. And sit down.

- Wowie.

Yeah.

But it's good.

It's fine, right?

I mean, you have to do that

eventually.

Right?

- Are you good?

- Yeah.

They seem like they really like

each other, and that's nice.

That's a good thing, but it's

just a little, you know, scary,

because what if he doesn't know

how to do it right?

You know, like, what if he

doesn't know where to put it?

But he knows, right?

Should I go back up there?

- No. No, no, no, no.

- No, no, he'll figure it out.

- No, no.

- It's one or the other.

Nope. You stay right here.

Do you want to have

a drink right now?

You mean, like, hang out?

Yeah.

Yes, I do.

I'm in. I'm definitely in.

Um, we will be having

some shots of alcohol, please.

Yes, we will.

This is crazy.

(all laughing)

- This is...

- Well, I'm going to, uh...

let you guys have your fun,

and I will, uh...

I-I will see you guys around.

Hey!

You, too.

Yeah.

Right.

F*** yeah.

- Pia colada.

- (Lisa laughs)

Just get him a shot.

LISA:

Cheers.

What a night, guys.

HUNTER:

That's beautiful.

So, I don't think the kid

at the lake house

was actually butt-chugging.

- LISA:
Definitely.

- HUNTER:
Yeah.

- MITCHELL:
What?

- Yep. - Yeah.

And so he threw me

through a table, uh...

- KAYLA:
I'm so sorry.

- CONNOR:
No, it was cool.

I, like... I kind of feel fine.

- All right, see you.

- It's cool. - See you.

CONNOR:

Hey, guys.

Austin, uh, let's go

- get a drink, man.

- Yeah, sure.

KAYLA:

Want a fry?

So badly. (laughs)

SAM:

Can I have a fry, too?

- Yeah.

- Yes.

(laughing)

So...

I... I couldn't

go through with it.

Yes, I didn't. No.

(Sam gasps)

(all laughing)

Holy sh*t.

You're a woman amongst girls.

- Julie. - Yeah.

- Congratu-f***-ulations.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- How was it?

Honestly,

it was a little painful,

kind of fast

and kind of awkward,

but absolutely perfect.

Aw!

(all laugh)

You guys, so much...

so much went down tonight.

SAM:

I know.

Including Connor.

- No.

- KAYLA:
Let's just say...

The Chef went out to eat...

my p*ssy.

(all laughing)

It was good.

CHAD (over speakers):

Ba-ba-ba!

- DJ Chad.

- Is that Chad?

- That's Chad. Chad!

- That's Chad.

- CHAD:
Scream my name

- Yes, Chad!

Holy sh*t. F*** yeah, Chad!

I love me,

gonna love myself

No, I don't need

anybody else, hey

Gonna love myself,

no, I don't need anybody else

I love me,

can't help myself

No, I don't need

anybody else

Any time, day or night...

Guys, I got to tell you

something.

Okay, okay.

(indistinct whispering)

Really?

- Yeah.

- Wait, you are?

Yeah.

I love you.

Forever.

And you, too.

Oh, my God!

- I love you. Hold on.

- Sam, come here, you.

Excuse me.

I can't believe

you didn't tell us.

Yay!

(Kayla imitates

trumpet fanfare)

- Oh, hey.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Oh.

Uh, Julie, I think we got

something over here.

Dope cape.

(chuckles)

And I'm not...

misreading things.

I love me, gonna love myself,

no, I don't need anybody else

Hey, gonna love myself

No, I don't need

anybody else

I love me,

can't help myself

No, I don't need

anybody else

Any time, day or night

I love me,

gonna love myself

No, I don't need

anybody else...

So you'll call me every day

till you get to L.A., right?

Yeah, and then, like,

every day after that.

Okay.

I'm gonna miss you so much.

You're gonna be okay, though.

Are you gonna be okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

It's the weirdest thing

because...

I have been worried

about this day for 18 years,

and then I wake up

this morning, and...

(chuckles) nothing.

Like, I don't feel

emotional at all.

I just feel, like...

- It's so bizarre.

- Mm-hmm.

What is that?

It's, like, splashing on me.

I know.

Isn't that so strange?

Yeah.

I love you, Mom.

I love you.

No, I have money. I...

Lisa, tell him

I can afford br...

Hmm. Sorry. Sorry.

- KAYLA:
All right, come on.

- (horn honks)

Let's get this road trip

started!

- SAM:
We're waiting for you!

- I love you.

- Bye.

- Okay.

Oh, hold on.

Let me take a video.

(squeals, laughs)

- I love you.

- LISA:
I love you.

Bye, Mom.

- HUNTER:
I love you.

- SAM:
Okay, bye.

- Mwah!

- KAYLA:
See you.

Drop Julie off in Cali,

and then you and Kayla

- come right back home.

- That's a, a big maybe.

- And text, please. Please.

- JULIE:
Hey.

Take care of my mom,

you two, okay?

- HUNTER:
We will. All right.

- CONNOR:
Later, big guy.

- Bye, Dad.

- I'm going to college! - Bye!

MITCHELL:
Drive careful, young

man. That's precious cargo.

- (Kayla and Sam whooping)

- JULIE:
Love you!

- Aw.

- Come on.

- Guys. - Come on.

- LISA:
We did it.

We did it. We did it.

- We parented.

- (Lisa sighs)

- We did it.

- We did it.

(Lisa sighs)

- (cell phone chiming)

- Oh, it's Julie.

Oh, I must have been

accidentally added to the...

the group conversation.

- Oh, well, should probably leave.

- What's, uh...

"Can't-can't believe

we're on our own now."

- (chuckles)

- Aw, that's sweet. - Yeah.

"We're gonna get lit af."

"Lit A.F."

- That's not great.

- (cell phone chimes)

No, it's... they're gonna get

literature. African literature.

You think that's

what "lit A.F." means?

You think they're talking

to each other about, like...

- "Lit A.F."

- "Can The Chef get us..."

MITCHELL:

Trees? What the hell's trees?

HUNTER:
Trees mean weed.

I told you that.

- Mushrooms, pills.

- MITCHELL:
No, the pills are...

Kayla's allergy.

That's Claritin.

It's not Claritin. Look.

Snowflakes. That's blow.

"#NoParentsNoRules.

# MadDrugs.

# NoCondoms."

Why would they hashtag that?

Wait, I'm sorry. Is that

a needle and an eggplant?

What, are they gonna inject

heroin into some guy's dick?

- Let's go.

- Let's get in the car.

- I'll drive.

- I'm sitting behind you.

- (cell phone chiming)

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

(high-pitched voice):

We're just messing with you.

Ha-ha!

"We love you guys.

Don't worry."

(all laughing)

You guys were so pranked!

I was in on it.

- You didn't know.

- No, no, I did. I didn't know it was

coming right now. That's why

I kind of sold it so well.

But it doesn't matter.

But you guys were like,

"Holy sh*t!"

- Yeah.

- Whew.

I do my hair toss,

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