Blockers Page #2

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- You haven't even hooked up with him.

You haven't even

seen his thing yet.

What if he has a weird one?

They're all weird.

Penises are not for looking at.

They're for use.

They're like plungers.

Listen, my student athlete days

are over.

Tonight is the beginning

of my adult life,

and for the first time

I can do whatever I want.

So I want to go to prom,

get drunk,

get potted up on weed

and lose my goddamn virginity.

We're gonna have the same

first-time-sex anniversary.

We can go to dinner every year

and commemorate it.

- Olive Garden.

- Yes! Olive Garden.

Breadsticks for life, b*tch.

- Yeah!

- Oh, my God, it is gonna be

such a relief to get this over

and done with before college.

Um, no, I mean, like...

No, it's cool.

I just don't think

I'm there yet.

You know, maybe something

might happen tonight

with me and Chad, but, uh,

I don't think sex

is gonna be that thing.

JULIE:

Sam?

(chuckles) But you never know

what could happen.

I mean, maybe

my inner sexual Smaug

will emerge from its keep

and spread its mighty wings.

I never know

what you're talking about.

- Yeah, I... me, neither.

- (school bell ringing)

Oh, my God.

(chuckles)

LISA:

Julie, is that you?

So realistic.

(cell phone buzzing)

Ugh. God.

BRENDA:

Come on, Sam, we're waiting.

Be right there!

- There she is.

- All right, took me 20 minutes

to figure out how to do

video on this thing,

but I finally got it.

- BRENDA:
Oh!

- (camera clicks)

Nope. Took a picture of myself.

Siri, video, please.

BRENDA:

Wow! That Chad is going to rip

through his little

tuxedo pants.

- Mom. That's gross.

- What?

- Why?

- 'Cause you're practically imagining

your daughter

in sexual congress.

You sicko.

Ah!

I was just trying

to connect with you.

You never talk to us anymore.

- Hey, I got this.

- Okay.

(sighs)

Prom night, huh?

I got sad and reflective

on my prom night, too.

- You were?

- Yeah. I was scared I wasn't

gonna stay friends

with the guys I had

been around most of my life,

but I was able to...

- Hey, baby, I love you so much.

- What?

You just really

freaked her out.

Sweetie, if you're worried

about that at all,

just know you shouldn't be.

You never stay friends

with people from high school.

I mean, the oldest friend

I have is Jan

from work, and I've known her

for three months.

- Who's Jan?

- You know Jan, babe.

She draws those silly cartoons.

- Oh, racist Jan.

- Yeah, that's the one.

Who you are today

is not who you're going to be.

And that's okay.

- FRANK:
That's good therapy.

- And who you become will be

so different that your friends

won't understand you anymore,

and then you will wake up

and realize

these friendships are over.

This feels like

a very painful divorce,

just like the one I had

with your father,

but then you'll find a Frank.

Uh, I appreciate that,

but that's not my deal.

I'm still cool

with a lot of my boys because

on prom night,

me, Dennis, Matt and Cory

all convinced our friend Steve

to join the Army.

He fought

in the Persian Gulf War.

He died right away.

- (Brenda sighs)

- But once you go through

something like that,

you're bonded for life.

The bedrock of deep,

meaningful friendships

is shared experience.

I thought they were gonna

put him in the Reserves.

That is some horseshit.

Hmm.

(footsteps approaching)

Wow.

You look so beautiful.

(gasps) Turn around.

- Wow.

- (Julie chuckles)

Oh, my goodness.

Wow.

So, what's the big plan

for after prom?

Uh, we're just going

to Austin's.

You really like him, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's...

Yeah, he's cool. It's not,

like, serious or anything.

His mom told me

he got into UCLA.

- That's nice.

- Yeah, I mean, it's good.

You remember that time

when, like,

I thought about going to UCLA?

Yes.

That would have been crazy.

That would have been

the worst mistake ever.

I don't think it would have

been that huge of a mistake.

Uh, yes, it would have.

(laughs)

University of Chicago

is perfect.

It's 45 minutes away.

So that way you're gone,

but you're not "gone" gone.

But I'm gone.

Right, but not, like, gone.

Right, but, like,

I'm going to college,

and, like,

I'm not gonna live at home,

so I'm, like... I'm gone.

Mm-hmm.

Why are my b*obs so big?

- Ready, Kayla?

- KAYLA:
Yup.

- And now...

- ("Sirius" by The Alan Parsons Project plays)

...standing at five foot,

seven inches...

five, nine if you count

the heels...

straight out

of Great Lakes High School,

the prettiest girl

in all of prom...

Kayla Mannes!

- (cheering)

- (Kayla whoops)

Uh... just high fives

from now on.

- Okay.

- MARCIE:
Oh, honey, I never thought

I'd see you in a dress.

MITCHELL:
Technically,

it's not a full dress.

Some material is missing

from the middle there.

MARCIE:

Okay.

You look great.

All right.

Yeah, I think it's time to go.

Yes. Yeah.

Honey, we got to go.

- (Mitchell sniffles)

- Honey?

Dad, are you okay?

It's like when

he watched Frozen.

(chuckles) Come on.

(sniffs)

LISA:

Hi. How are you?

- Hi.

- Hi. How are you?

Oh, Sam.

Hi, Marcie.

Oh. Oh, oh.

- Hey, Mitchell.

- Hey. Haven't seen you in a while.

- Yeah.

- You know, I was worried

when I never heard back

from you about hot yoga.

Called you a bunch of times.

- I ended up having to eat that two-for-one Groupon.

- Oh, yeah.

I don't really do

the hot yoga thing.

- It's just...

- Well, we should catch up, though, right?

- Yeah.

- Like a lunch. I don't know.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, give me a call.

- I've been calling you.

- Mm-hmm.

Doesn't work.

It's not effective.

(cell phone buzzes,

computer chimes)

(cell phone buzzes,

computer chimes)

(chiming)

- (laughter)

- I don't even know. Wait, wait, wait.

- Oh, my gosh, thank you.

- You guys, you guys.

Wait, this is, like,

the best lighting

with the Valencia filter,

so wait, wait.

- Oh, God. All right, here we go.

- (camera clicks)

- Yeah, okay, that's enough.

- One more.

- We're good.

- Oh, my God.

We need to get

this party started.

- Ooh! Okay, Julie.

- Hmm?

I got you something.

It's coconut oil.

For lube.

I hear it works just as well

and it makes blow jobs

taste like Almond Joy.

(sighs) Thank God it doesn't

taste like Mounds.

I'd rather eat ten d*cks

than one Mound.

- Mm.

- But thank you. That's so sweet.

- Oh!

- Aw!

- Oh, my God, I'm so excited.

- Me, too.

- Oh, my God!

- You have to text me, like, right away.

Oh, my God, we're gonna be

doing it at the same time.

(gasps) Oh, my God. We have

to talk about it tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, every detail.

- There's gonna be so much to talk about.

- Guys?

- Hey, guys.

- (laughing)

I want in on this sex pact.

Are you sure? You don't have

to do this just because we are.

No, that's not why.

I want to have sex. Yeah.

That's something

all three of us have in common.

- Mm-hmm.

- Chad is gonna

tap that ass with his penis.

And I doubt we'll have anal

the first time, but...

- All right.

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