Blue Jay Page #5

men at work the classic

Charlie Sheen, Emilio Estevez

film, from 1990 you'd know.

It's when you...

you know feel and interpret

someones skull features

and you kind of see

what's going on in there.

So I get up in here...

and I say...

see that knot right there that

says you're a terrible cook.

Okay, you're shitty.

Shut up.

This...

I'm getting this straight

from the skull features

you are a lover of animals.

Yeah, you knew that already

because I told you

that I run a dog rescue.

Tell about your doggies.

Haven't really heard you

talk about it much.

It was Chris' idea actually.

What's that?

That I open the rescue.

-That's cool.

-Yeah

I love the idea of you

hanging out with...

little Freddy

like gray hounds.

Taken care of them,

I miss Freddy.

We don't really... we don't

do the gray hound thing.

What do you mean? You're like

the gray hound queen.

Yeah they're just sitting around

they're not practical.

Chris pointed out

and he's right

that you know...

We have lot

of special needs.

They take a lot of work,

we are a small organization

and then it's manageable.

I guess I just...

you love gray hounds, I mean.

Yes I do.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Always think of them

as people waring fur-coat.

I know.

I just always have felt

understood by them.

That makes sense.

I don't know they want

to be around people.

I don't know, feel what they

feel I can't explain it, it's...

I can tell that they know

that being out

in the world is hard.

Yeah.

And they feel it and just want

to be like nuzzled up and...

They want to make

you feel better.

They have that instinct

of wanting to be close

and I don 't know.

And you can take a gray hound

even with all of it's things

that come with owning

them or caring for them

or rehabilitating them.

You take the oldest,

neediest, most anxious,

broken down gray hound

and if you take that dog

to the beach

and you take off

his collar...

he will just f***ing run.

Like he was still young.

Yeah.

Just tear down that beach.

It's like sand flying

and tongue is hanging out

of his mouth and he's so...

I don't know,

so beautiful.

I think you should think

about working with gray hounds.

[sighing]

Yeah.

[mellow music playing]

d

[Jim] Decent amount

of stars tonight.

Can I tell you something?

Anything.

I've been taking

anti-depressants...

for a while.

I haven't told anyone.

You know,

not even Chris.

You know,

I don't know why...

I feel so embarrassed...

about taking them.

And it's probably because

there's nothing you know,

there's nothing wrong

with my life.

I should be happy.

But there's this...

sadness...

and I don't know where

it comes from.

Well, I can

understand that.

The drugs are...

They're weird.

They're...

literally haven't cried

in five years.

Yeah I don't have that

particular problem myself.

Can I ask

you something?

Anything.

Why don't you talk

to Chris about it?

I don't know.

There was a time when I...

I would have.

But things, things are just

kind of changing

They're just, changing now.

How so?

Bryce is off to college

and Theo is right behind him.

Chris is almost 64 now.

Wow!

What?

I mean I knew he was older

I didn't really think he

was that much older.

Yeah well, you know.

-It's not nothing.

-Yeah.

I've loved...

I've loved...

being a mom to those

kids you know.

I just, I don't know

what it's going to be like

when they're gone and sometimes

I look at Chris and I think...

Oh, my God!

Am I going to be taking care

of an elderly person soon?

I knew it,

you know I knew it.

Going in but somehow...

Being faced with just the two

of us alone in the house.

I don't know.

It's real now.

-Yeah.

-I get it.

-Hey.

-Hey, what?

You know, I want to say

thank you.

Why, what for?

For tonight.

For remembering

my pink and purple jelly beans

You know.

For never making

me feel, wrong...

about who I am.

What?

I just...

You're embarrassed

on my behalf.

No, just had a though

and it's...

What?

Nothing, no really...

I just told you something

that I never told anyone

and I thing you should...

I was thinking about...

our first time.

In the back of this truck.

At the lake.

All 38 seconds of it.

Oh, shut up.

I was excited.

I was sixteen, okay?

I've developed some

serious skills

since then, in fact I've been

servicing the entire Tucson,

Arizona area...

-with...

-What are you, a plumber?

It's funny though 'cause...

never really been

like it was with us.

For me.

You know,

that's a nostalgia thing.

Yeah.

-So it's...

-Yeah.

This is same for me.

-Really?

-Yeah.

It's something about

those dumb kids.

Yeah.

-Pain is something.

-Yeah.

Magic.

It's magic,

yeah that's right.

Jim?

Yeah.

Will you kiss me.

I know what I'm asking for...

[both moaning]

I love you.

No.

[breathing heavily]

I have to go Jim.

-Amanda.

-Jim, please.

Listen, I don't want

you to go.

Please!

Please, will you just please

give me a minute.

Okay, listen.

It's confusing I get it,

okay I just want...

We can talk about it.

I don't want

to talk about it.

I don't want

to talk about it.

I should not have let

this game go on for so long.

This is not a game

to me though.

Do you understand

that I am married?

I understand.

Do you know

what that means?

I belong

to someone else

Will you please give me

a little bit of room.

F*** is my coat?

[breathing heavily]

Where did you get this?

It was in your closet.

You just took it?

Yeah.

Why?

Well, it's addressed to me.

First of all.

And second of all

I wanted to read it.

Well this is just

a game to you, Amanda

then why do you need

to read a letter that I wrote

to you 22 years ago?

What is this...

What could this

possibly mean to you?

You know,

I don't know.

I just wanted

to read it.

This is my letter.

-I know that and I'm sorr...

-No

I don't think you

understand that.

I think you need

to understand something

that this is my letter.

Okay, this belongs to me.

And you can't come

into my house,

and just take this

and do what ever

you want with it,

without asking me,

because it's mine too.

You understand me?

What is this?

That was my baby too.

Okay? It was ours.

What...

It was ours.

[Jim crying]

You just f***ing...

Why did you?

F***ing!

[thumping]

Why did you do that?

Jim?

Why did you do that?

You...

I was a scared kid!

I didn't know

how to handle it.

You had to give me

a minute.

You f***in' went away.

You were the one who told me

that we were too young.

I was scared.

Why did you f***ing do it?

It was our life!

[sobbing]

Boy!

When we were so happy.

[gasping]

We lost it.

We lost everything.

Jim.

[crying]

F***!

[breathing heavily]

[shushing]

Oh God!

[Amanda] Breath.

Okay.

Take a deep

breath please.

[Jim]I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.

I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry too.

[mellow music playing]

[birds chirping]

d

d

[birds chirping]

d

Okay.

I need you

to understand something.

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