Blue Like Jazz Page #6

All night long.

At first, I thought,

"This is gonna be awesome.

"I mean, I'm gonna hear about

every kinky sex act

from here to Seattle,"

and I got a lot of that,

but then...

this one sad bastard,

he starts telling me

how when he was a kid,

this priest at his church

used to take him into his office,

you know, and...

right there under the crucifix,

Father Feel-you-up would just...

go at him.

It was heavy.

So I start thinking, right?

I should be doing something

to help these people.

I mean, I got the robe.

I got the hat. I'm The Pope.

I should be using my powers for good.

So then I get the idea.

I start getting people to tell me

right there in the confession booth,

"How has God screwed you up?"

And maybe it's the PCP talking, but...

I find out how afraid people are

of a God who doesn't even exist.

Oh, don't touch those albums.

Hey. Come on.

You know, tomorrow

millions of people

are gonna start filing into churches

and praying that their loving God

is not gonna burn them

in Hell forever.

And you think burning books

is gonna help?

It's not like I'm torching

anything useful.

Every steeple

hides a sleeper cell.

They smile,

They shake your hand,

and then you're drinking

the Kool-Aid.

They want to rule us,

Donny boy.

They're like Taliban in training,

and we've gotta stop 'em, you know,

combine all our resources.

Street theater. Civil unrest.

You know what I mean?

I don't want to scare you,

but there's a lesbian in your bed.

Oh, man, I need a beer.

Get your shoes on, Miller.

I've got something planned

that's gonna make

your little billboard escapade.

Look like frat boys

TPing the dean's house.

You want civil unrest at 4 A.M.?

You're okay with heights, right?

What is it, Daddy?

It's a, uh, balloon,

a happy balloon.

"Don't let

"these people...

re-prod-uce."

Very good, Sophie.

Hey.

When'd you get back from India?

- Was it you?

- Huh?

The condom and the steeple.

Are you wearing a wire?

Answer the question.

So you saw it.

I go to church there, Don.

You what?

You heard me.

Well, it's not like we did

any permanent damage.

I had a six-year-old ask me why the cross

was wearing a baggie.

It's supposed to symbolize...

A condom on the steeple?

It was just a...

"Don't let these people reproduce"?

It was just a joke.

What do you know

about those people?

Whatever, you know?

People can do what they want,

believe what they want.

It was just a joke.

I'm sorry, all right?

I had no idea you even went to church.

You really believe

all that stuff, huh?

Don't patronize me.

I don't mean to.

It just seems a little primitive

to still be a...

A Christian?

Well, yeah.

I wasn't born that way, Don.

I read the Bible in Lit class last year,

and it turns out I like Jesus.

A lot.

Does anybody know?

Are you gonna turn me in?

You know what? I'm leaving.

H-Hey, Penny.

How was India?

It was life-changing.

Did you take pictures?

Yeah. I'm doing a slide show

on Sunday night.

I'll come.

Do you forgive me

for the steeple thing?

It's not about me, Don.

You don't even

really know what you did,

because you don't know

the people that you hurt.

Well, maybe I can meet these people.

I'm not asking you to do that.

No. It's my idea.

I want to.

Okay.10:
30, next Sunday.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Don. Is this a good time?

Not good.

On my way to church,

believe it or not.

Don, I have some hard news...

Hold on.

Am I on speakerphone, Don?

- You there?

- Am I... Am I on speakerphone?

It's fine, Mom. Nobody's around.

Don, can you take me

off the speakerphone, please?

Fine. Okay,

I'll take it off speakerphone.

What's wrong?

Don, I have some hard news.

Okay, I'm just gonna say it.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant,

and the baby is Kenny's.

Oh, God.

It was a mistake.

- What?

- I made a mistake.

- Hypocrite!

- We made a mistake.

B*tch!

I'm gonna let you talk to Kenny.

Hey, bro.

Put her back on.

Listen, I know exactly how you feel.

No, Kenny, you don't know how

I'm feeling.

You know why?

Because you're an a**hole!

You're a puppeteering

a**hole freak!

Well, see that school has improved

your language.

We can learn much

about the spiritual life

from a term used

in sound recording,

called the "noise floor."

The noise floor is the amount of noise

already present in an environment...

that, uh, has to be overcome

before anything else can be heard.

Now, this concept

is particularly important...

...when it comes

to the life of the spirit.

We need to find a refuge

from the often-deafening

noise floor of life...

to hear the still, small

voice of God.

Young man, may I help you?

Yeah. Got some things to return.

All right. Okay, you ready?

Overhand again.

Okay, bring it back overhand.

Hello.

Miller! Miller.

Hey, park this piece of crap.

It's about to start.

I can't find a space.

Ah, it's after 6:00.

I give you my blessing to park here.

Yeah, right. Nice.

Take the Bible. Please.

It's not that the book

is contradictory.

It's not a book at all.

It's a collection of writings

compiled over the course

of nine centuries

that, when taken together,

present such a hopelessly

muddled worldview

that it's easy to see

why so many of its followers

for so much of our history

have killed one another

over its meanings.

Many refugee families

have become subsistence farmers

who live in abandoned and often

condemned houses and shacks

and survive year to year by planting

whatever crops they can.

Mr. Larkin has set up

the scientific method

as his biblical canon,

yet with that method,

he still can't prove that a sunset

is more beautiful than...

I don't know, camel dung.

Or that music is more sensible

than noise.

By his own reasoning,

he is delusional to even tell

his wife and children he loves them.

There's nothing delusional about

the chemical reaction we call love.

It forces the species to bond together

and preserve the social structure,

nothing more.

The theist has a sound explanation

as to why humans need more than

to just survive.

We long for love and justice,

beauty, transcendence,

because they echo the voice calling us

to know their origin.

Okay, let's take another question.

Uh, Mr. Larkin,

I'm just curious...

Actually, the gentleman

right next to the hat, please.

Um, Mr. Larkin,

in your book, you admit to a sense

of awe and reverence

when you encounter

the beauty of nature

and the intricacies

of the universe.

Has that ever led you to consider

that there might be a God?

No.

Hell, no.

So then where do we find meaning?

Meaning?

The universe doesn't owe us

meaning, son.

If you want meaning,

I suggest you try a dictionary.

Yeah. Thanks.

And on the last day,

when I went to say goodbye

to the family,

they were already waiting for me.

Little Reena came up to me

with a giant smile on her face

and handed me an egg

that their chicken had laid.

I knew it was all they had.

So when you think of Kashmir...

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