Blue Mountain State: The Rise of Thadland Page #2

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It's a...

...drug I'm working on.

Figure if I am going to

get into the family drug

manufacturing business

after I graduate,

i really gotta...

Buckle down.

Yeah, yeah. Let me

have a hit of that.

Oh!

This isn't

for everybody.

It's pretty intense.

Alex, what the hell

are we doing here man?

I have some

very important

drinking to do.

The coach called

a meeting, he said

no booze.

And he's the boss.

That's right, moran.

I am the boss.

This is Dean oliviar.

Olivares.

Say again.

Olivares!

Whatever.

Anyway he's

new here at bms.

So, I want you to sit there.

And I want you to show

him some respect.

And stop making

that face.

What? This is just my face.

Well, sorry.

Anyway, Dean

the floor is yours.

What is a Dean?

Excellent question.

A Dean is like a coach.

For the

whole university.

You could say

that I am the coach

of your coach.

Excuse me are you

saying cooch?

Coach, yeah.

That's a cooch.

Like a female.

Coach, coach.

"Coach." He's saying coach.

Oh, coach.

Yeah. Got it.

Way off on that one.

As your coach,

I have a big problem

with your behavior.

Twenty-five percent

arrest rate.

Yeah!

Drinking,

drugs, indecent exposure.

What I find

is a house full of drunkards,

prostitutes, and imbeciles...

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

We are not prostitutes.

Oh.

Mr. moran.

Hi.

I've heard a lot

about you.

Hey, congrats, man.

Thanks, guys.

The king of

blue mountain state.

The king of

blue mountain state.

I wouldn't say that.

Well I got news for you,

Mr. moran.

Your kingdom,

has a new ruler.

Me!

I thought you were

the cooch?

I heard that the first time.

You better makeup

your mind.

I'm the coach.

But I'm going to be king just

as soon as I storm your

castle, Mr. moran.

You're gonna bang Alex?

What?

I'm not comfortable

with that.

Why would you

want to do that?

He's not banging

anybody!

Now, shut up!

Yeah, uh...

What I mean to say,

Saturday at midnight,

blue mountain state,

will seize this...

Goat house,

and auction it to

the highest bidder.

What?

That you understand,

don't you?

You can't take

the goat house.

Oh, I can.

I can.

This house of filth and

lawlessness is no longer

yours to rule.

Now if you'll excuse me.

I have other students

that I need to

coach.

Sh*t. Okay, all right.

Okay, okay.

Coach, coach,

you can't let this happen.

Next year is my senior year.

If the team sucks,

this house

is all I have.

Well, then you better

make sure that the team

doesn't suck.

Just gonna have a beer,

we're gonna have a beer

and just relax.

Too much sh*t has happened

here, we can't let it go.

I waited three years

for this house to be mine.

Now I'm not letting

some smug prick

walk up in here

and take it from me.

No. What we need is a plan.

Prostitutes.

We'll become prostitutes,

sell our bodies,

make some money.

We're definitely not doing

a hunger strike.

Oh, I'm having a brainstorm.

We kill the Dean!

No.

We kill the Dean's family and

make it look like he did it.

That's a great one.

No, guys.

We're not killing

anybody, okay?

What we need is

some quick cash.

Now let's think

about this.

Who would be dumb enough

to spend hundreds of

thousands of dollars

to buy this house?

What the hell

is this sh*t?

Did I not tell

this prick chef,

medium-rare well?

I heard you say it.

You definitely told him.

And you call

this bearnaise sauce?

I'm appalled right now!

Somebody tell that chef

I want a ham, with veal in it,

and crab legs sticking out.

I'm paying $12,000 for it,

so it better taste

like $12,000!

Hey, thad.

I was just won...

Yep, there it is. Okay, hi.

I'm Alex. What's your name?

Seriously?

He's clean.

Hair.

Clean.

Balls.

What?

Ah, what the...

Clean.

Yeah.

I, uh, I just...

Hey! Whoa, whoa!

Whoa!

Do you want

me to put the...

Put it on.

Who is this guy?

This is dick dawg.

He's my security guy.

And my cousin.

And, um, like my

Butler sometimes.

That's dawg with

a "w-g" motherf***er.

Ah.

Suck my dick,

you bowtie-wearing

piece of sh*t!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, man. Nice work, dick dawg,

write yourself a check.

F*** yeah!

You're wearing one too.

You put this on me.

Yeah and he'll do it again,

if I tell him to!

I could dress you in bow ties

for the next thirty years

if I want.

Don't think I got

the money?

Read a newspaper.

Don't got a subscription

to a newspaper?

I could buy you that too.

Reading is fundamentional,

you giant bag of d*cks.

Amazing! Write yourself

another check.

All right.

I'm starting to see

the family resemblance here.

Sit down before

i friggin lose my mind!

Um, I guess, I'll just

get to it then.

Um...

Um...

F***ing say it.

The Dean is selling

the goat house.

And I was just thinking that

now that you're super rich,

and famous that you could

maybe you could buy the house

and give it to me.

Hey, you wanna see

something funny, moran?

Watch this.

Whap, whap, whap, whap,

whap, whap, whap, whap,

whap, whap,

whap, whap, whap, whap,

whap, whap...

It's so fun, you have

to try it moran.

Do you know what,

I'm good thanks.

Whap, whap, whap.

Fine. Suit yourself, god.

So, the goat house then?

Hmm?

Why would I buy

the goat house?

Because it used to be yours.

We had a lot of

good times there, thad!

We can't let the Dean

take it away.

The past is the past, moran.

I don't have time

to think about bms.

Okay.

I've got better things

to do now.

Bigger things.

Huge things.

Enormous things.

Gigantic things.

Infinity things.

Uh... why did I not

think of that?

Write me a check to myself.

Please, thad,

you're my only hope.

Okay,

you really talked me

into it, moran.

So, here's what

I'm willing to do.

Aw!

I'm on a f***ing

roll right now.

What the...

You throw me this party?

The f***!

And I'll help you out.

Thadland?

I came up with the idea

when I was 10.

I wished for a party

that was...

Bigger than

any party the world

had ever seen before.

A party full of wonder,

and dreams, and titties!

A place where I could

celebrate going pro and

being a billionaire.

And I called that place...

"Thadland."

I only have $50,000,000

so far,

but it'll have to do.

Okay.

Why can't you just throw

this party yourself?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, yeah

oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because that would be tacky.

Here's your veal.

Stuffed ham with crab legs.

Whoa!

Look, I, I...

I just don't think that this

is gonna be possible.

Well, that's my offer.

Do it and I'll help you out.

Don't do it,

and I won't.

Now get out!

I never want to see your

handsome face in here again.

Get out!

And where the hell

are my meatballs?

This is insane!

I mean, it's doable but

it's all pretty screwed up.

Is, is that a unicorn

shitting a rainbow?

Yeah.

That's not a horn

coming out

of its head,

that's a dildo.

So it's a dildocorn.

But yes,

it is shitting a rainbow.

Okay, guys look,

I have been thinking

a lot about this.

Throwing this party is not

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