Boat Trip Page #5

a raging heterosexual.

I should be so lucky.

Can you imagine?

You know what? Let's get

this party on its feet. Come on.

Inga, it's me, Nicky.

Open up.

Nicky.

- So Mr. Tongue has a name.

- I'm sorry about what happened.

You don't have to hit me.

The deed was punishment enough.

"Nej, nej, nej."

If we ever hook up again,

I want to show you.

- I can reciprocate.

- Reciprocate?

Hey, Nick!

Hey, fresh meat.

Have a seat, Nick.

I can always use

a little extra spending money.

What the hell, I can use

a quiet game of poker.

Sorry I'm late, boys. I had trouble

squeezing into this pantyhose.

- So, what's the game?

- Five card stud.

- Very appropriate.

- Let's play some cards.

- I'm tired. Are you tired?

- Yeah! Wait. One more.

Hector!

You've been on a boat before.

- Is it safe?

- Of course it's safe!

As long as you are responsible.

You mean the storm?

Well, that I do not know.

Hector, let me ask you something.

- How many cruises have you been on?

- Including this one?

That would make it...

one. You see, I only recently

came all the way out of the closet.

Recently, really?

I would've figured kindergarten.

No. Well, let me tell you.

It wasn't easy.

But it's better to be true

to yourself...

than to lie to the world.

It must 've taken a lot of guts.

It's funny, you know?

These guys I'm playing poker with.

Steven, Tom, Ron.

Steven's a doctor.

A gay heart surgeon.

Who would've thought?

Ron's a criminal defence attorney.

He represents some bad-assed dudes.

Tom's cross-dresser

and pastry chef.

Okay, I would have guessed that.

But still,

they're a great bunch of guys.

- So what are you saying?

- What am I saying?

What I'm saying is I kinda wanted

to hang out more with these guys.

But there was a part of me that

felt it was somehow wrong...

to be friends with gay men.

And that...

makes me feel like a jerk.

Sit.

Come on, sit.

You know, my Papa, he used to

think that to be gay was "muy malo".

A big shame.

He no talk to me for 2O years.

His own blood.

Now he's sick, he's dying.

He asks for me. He say to me...

"Hector, I waste so much time.

We're all God's children.

I'm so sorry." He said so.

You see, my Papi, he's like you.

A real jerk.

He just needed to learn.

You learn too, my friend.

I'm hurting.

It feels so good

to get off my feet!

I couldn't agree with you more.

You know what?

I've got to get out

of these clothes.

I couldn't agree with you more.

Listen, would you mind doing me

a huge, huge favor?

Would you spend the night with me?

What?

Yeah, you know, it's the storm.

I wouldn't mind cuddling

under the covers with somebody.

You think Nick would mind?

F*** Nick.

Is this storm getting worse,

or am I too drunk or...

I have a theory.

I think if we drank more...

we might be able to maintain

perfect equilibrium.

I'll try that in the pursuit

of science.

I'll get us another round.

I have a better idea.

I have a fifty-year old bottle

of cognac in my room...

...and I'm gonna go get it.

- I'll go with you.

I could use the exercise.

Jerry, we can get out

from under the covers.

I think the storm was over,

like, half an hour ago.

It was one hell of a storm, though.

You know, I have something

you're gonna love.

- Get ready to have an orgasm.

- What?

Open wide.

- Good?

- Yeah.

- Do me.

- You're so lucky I'm gay.

- Can I ask you something?

- Shoot.

- How do you do it?

- Do what?

- Give head.

- What?

A blow job. I mean, do you start

on the tip of his penis?

Or you stroke it

while you use your mouth?

- Do you tickle the balls?

- Not everybody likes that.

As a person who gives them

and receives them...

you must know the perfect way.

Show me.

What?

Okay.

You...

It's a little small.

You know, I got an idea.

Why don't you show me your

technique, and then I'll critique it.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay.

So look. First...

I slowly lick the tip

with my tongue, right?

- Right?

- That's good.

Then I gently go down

the shaft with my lips.

And in time, I tickle the balls.

Then I twirl my tongue

all the way...

back to the top.

Then I wet my lips.

I do a little playful nibbling.

"Eso me encanta

porque es maravilloso."

"Eu te amo, te amo."

How's that?

Jerry?

That's fine!

For goodness' sake, Lloyd.

At least kiss me first.

- No, you didn't.

- Yes, I did.

Now, where did I put that bag?

I'm just going to lay down.

Got it.

Now, before we go

back up with the boys...

what do you say

we do a couple of shots?

You're a goddamned genius.

Here you go.

Oh...

my...

God!

What are you doing?

I have a horrible taste in my mouth,

Jerry, and I can't get rid of it.

Did you eat something weird?

Yeah.

- I did a bad, bad thing, Jerry.

- What?

You know how the sea air makes

you disoriented and there was...

the drinking and the partying

and I slept with a man, Jerry.

Very funny.

No, it's not.

I just woke up in Ron's stateroom.

- With Ron.

- What?

I've chased a lot of women, Jerry.

To be honest...

I never actually scored with one

since I was a senior in high school...

and then I had to promise

to marry her.

A fifty-one year old

coffee shop waitress.

And a stroke victim...

with a fake leg...

and a lazy eye...

...and a mole with...

- I got it.

What I'm trying to say is...

maybe I'm meant to do more than

just play cards with these guys.

I'm finally happy.

So happy.

I'm gay.

One, two, three, four...

five, six, seven, eight.

And one, two, three, four...

five, six, seven, eight.

Good.

Good work, guys. Good work.

Hector, try not shaking

your ass so much.

You mean in the dance,

or in real life?

OK, guys. Thank you for coming. I'll

see you back here tonight at eleven.

Jerry, you are looking

fierce up there.

I can't remember when

I've had this much fun.

You know, you're just great.

Hey!

- Are you gonna go to the island?

- I am.

Do you want me to be

your tour guide?

I know the island very well.

- That would be yummy.

- Yummy.

Let's go.

Nicholas... I was beginning

to wonder about you.

I'm glad to see you finally got that

luscious full figure frame of yours...

...in the right dinghy.

- It's amazing.

A day ago I would've punched you in

the face for saying a thing like that.

- This place is paradise.

- Oh, yeah.

- We're gonna have an awesome time.

- I'll say.

I can already feel the men around here

undressing me with their eyes.

- Hungry? Want something to eat?

- Nope. I have a better idea.

- Let's go exploring first.

- Great.

Daddy, thanks so much for finding

out where Jerry is for me.

Yeah, I'm sure things are gonna

work out, too.

Bye-bye. Love you, Daddy.

How do I get

to the Olympic Voyager?

Right this way, madam.

Be careful with those bags. They're

worth more than you make in a year.

Bon voyage... b*tch.

- Hi Nick. How you doing?

- Hey, fine.

I'm not sore, or anything.

Hey buddy, about last night...

I understand why it happened.

I mean, I'm pretty charismatic.

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