Boi Page #5

(The mob burst into his restaurant, led by Mr. Krabs)

Plankton:

Oh. (YELPS)

(Mr. Krabs grabbed Plankton)

CROWD:

Hmm?

Karen:

I just work here.

(EXT. BIKINI BOTTOM — DAY. Mr. Krabs carried Plankton outside)

Krabs:

We'd like to have a word with you!

(Mr. Krabs roughly threw Plankton to the ground. Squidward, the starving customers, and Karen gathered around)

Plankton:

(CHUCKLES) You all look very hungry. Can I get anybody a Chum Burger?

(Mr. Krabs leaned over Plankton and pointed him)

KRABS:

Enough with the niceties, Plankton! This is the last time I'm going to ask you. Where is me formuler?

(Plankton tried to scoot away from his enemy)

Plankton:

I told you, Krabs, I don't have it.

Krabs:

Wrong answer.

(He lifted his foot to stomp Plankton)

SPONGEBOB:

Stop!

(Mr. Krabs hesitated and looked around. He saw his fry cook. And he looked mad)

SpongeBob:

All right, Mr. Krabs, let me get in on this. (GROWLS)

(Then he angrily walked over to Plankton, pushing up his short white sleeves)

(Plankton looked confused)

Plankton:

What's going on around here?

SpongeBob:

You may want to step back a little, Mr. Krabs. This could get messy.

Krabs:

Let's hope so.

(SpongeBob leaned over and shoved his face close to Plankton's)

SpongeBob:

So you won't talk, eh, Plankton? I didn't want to have to do this.

(He pulled out a bottle of bubble solution, unscrewed the cap, and removed the wand. Then he expertly dipped the wand in the soapy liquid)

SpongeBob:

Plankton, here comes the pain.

Krabs:

Soap, in the eye, eh? Diabolical!

(SpongeBob took a deep breath and pursed his lips. Plankton held up his tiny hands)

Plankton:

No! Stop! Don't!

(SpongeBob blew a large, shiny bubble that surrounded Plankton completely. Mr. Krabs looked puzzled)

Krabs:

Wait. That didn't look painful.

(SpongeBob turned to Mr. Krabs)

SpongeBob:

Mr. Krabs, you may not understand what I'm about to do today, but somebody we'll look back

(He jumped inside the bubble with Plankton)

SpongeBob:

and have a good laugh.

(As Mr. Krabs and the angry mob watched in disbelief, SpongeBob and Plankton floated up into the sky in their bubble)

Krabs:

Wait a minute.

Angry Customer #1: Hey, they're getting away!

(SpongeBob called down from the rising bubble)

SpongeBob:

Sorry, Mr. Krabs!

(Mr. Krabs shook his fist up at SpongeBob)

Krabs:

So, you've been running a long con on me, eh? All these years you've been working for Plankton!

Paco:

They're in cahoots!

Krabs:

Yeah, I guess that's a short way of saying it.

(Then he jabbed his claw up toward the floating bubble)

Krabs:

Stop that bubble!

(He and the mob ran after the bubble on the ground. They even launched one customer at the bubble. He hit it and held on for dear life)

Customer:

Please tell me there's something soft below me.

BOTH:

Mmm, nope.

(He fell off, screaming)

KRABS:

SpongeBob!

(The bubble disappear into the distance)

Krabs:

Oh. You were like an underpaid son to me. I would've expected Squidward to stab me in the back.

(At the sound of his name, Squidward woke from a brief snooze)

Squidward:

(SNORING) Huh? What? Huh?

Krabs:

But SpongeBob? Me most trusted employee? (deep breath) Working with me sworn enemy? You know what this means, Mr. Squidward.

Squidward:

(hopefully) We get the rest of the day off?

Krabs:

No! This be but a harbinger of what I fear lies ahead. For you. For me. For all of Bikini Bottom! The Krabby Patty is what ties us all together! Without it, there will be a complete breakdown of social order. A war of all against all! Dark times are ahead. Dark times indeed!

(Squidward scrunched up his face)

Squidward:

Seriously? Aren't you overreacting a bit?

(But when he looked around, Squidward saw that Bikini Bottom had already erupted into flames. People were looting stores and fighting each other over scraps of food. The town had become a violent, ugly place. And Squidward and Mr. Krabs themselves were suddenly wearing leather outfits that made them look tough)

Krabs:

(dramatically) Welcome to the apocalypse, Mr. Squidward. I hope you like leather.

SQUIDWARD:

I prefer suede.

(EXT. SHIP — DAY. Surrounded by attentive seagulls, Burger Beard read from the old book he'd stolen. He held it open to a picture of Bikini Bottom in flames)

BURGER BEARD:

And so Bikini Bottom became an apocalyptic cesspool forevermore.

(He snapped the book shut)

Burger Beard:

The end.

(He stands up and stretches, flexing his bones)

(The seagulls were very upset)

Kyle:

Wait a minute. That's a terrible ending.

David:

Oh, this is bad. Really bad.

Seagull:

What? What?

David:

SpongeBob's in trouble and the story's over?

Andy:

(banging his head with a bell repeatedly) Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

(The others freak out)

SEAGULL 1:

Hey, call a therapist!

SEAGULL 2:

I have anxiety!

(SEAGULL 3 SOBBING)

(Humming and singing to himself, Burger Beard strolled over to the ship's wheel and steered)

(HENRY, another seagull landed on Burger Beard's steering wheel)

Henry:

There is no way that that's the end of this story.

Burger Beard:

(SCOFFS) Of course it is. I'll show you. Just turn around.

Henry:

Oh, all right.

(Henry turned, and Burger Beard plucked a feather from its tail)

Henry:

(GROANS) Hey! I need that to fly, you jerk.

(Burger Beard dipped the point of the feather in black ink and wrote:)

Burger Beard:

"The End"!

(THE END! in his book)

(Fake end credits roll: MAIN CAST (IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE), Tom Kenny — SpongeBob, Bill Fagerbakke — Patrick, Rodger Bumpass — Squidward, Mr. Lawrence — Plankton, Clancy Brown — Mr. Krabs, Carolyn Lawrence — Sandy, Jill Talley — Karen)

HENRY:

That's not the ending!

(Not wanting the story to end, Henry tried to pull the book out of his hands, making the fake end credits stop by ripping itself back to the scene)

Burger Beard:

(GRUNTS) Of course it is!

Henry:

Unhand that book!

Burger Beard:

You let go of that!

Henry:

Let go, you numbskull!

(He accidentally tore loose the page that Burger Beard had written on)

(The pirate scrambled to grab back the torn page, but he slipped and fell on the deck. KLUNK!)

Andy:

You better keep reading, Mr. Pirate,

(He and other seagulls aim their butts at Burger Beard)

Andy:

or else!

(Henry flapped its wings and flew off the ship with the page in its beak. Then it dropped the sheet into the water)

Henry:

I know I shouldn't be littering, but that ending was rubbish! (LAUGHING) Rubbish! (LAUGHS)

(The page with THE END on it slowly sank into the briny depths...)

(EXT. BIKINI BOTTOM — DAY. In Bikini Bottom, things had gone from bad to worse. Chaos reigned everywhere. Lawlessness ruled the streets. Fires, robbery, people bumping into each other without saying "Excuse me"—you name it)

(INT. DINING AREA, THE KRUSTY KRAB — DAY. Somehow Patrick didn't notice. He strolled into the Krusty Krab)

Patrick:

Good morning, Squidward. I'll have the usual.

(A fiery boat crashes in the Krusty Krab)

Patrick:

With cheese.

(Squidward shook his head. He couldn't believe Patrick hadn't heard the news)

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