Boo! A Madea Halloween Page #2

- To church?

- Yes, church on Halloween, sir.

Actually, a lot of the parents

don't like their children

celebrating the Devil's holiday with

the ghosts and the goblins and whatnot.

So they bring their children to church.

They get dressed up

in holy costumes and Bible characters.

You know, last year

I was actually the Ghost.

Wait, you just said

they don't celebrate ghosts.

Oh, no, the Holy Ghost.

Yeah, and then we also have

a carnival, as well.

We give candy out to the children

so they don't feel left out.

And the adults,

they have a prayer service.

And it's all good, it's all jolly

and we just love getting together...

Okay. Okay, all right.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Yes, sir.

- Please go ahead and call him.

- No, no, no.

Thank you very much.

But no, I'm not leaving you

in this house.

No, okay, there's no way

I'm going to Mom's.

Absolutely no, no, no, no, no.

No way. We're staying.

So call her dad.

- Come on, Aday.

- Ooh.

I do not know about this party tonight.

- I don't wanna go.

- No, it'll be fun. Okay, listen.

We have to go.

Girl, we cannot stay in this house.

Leah and Rain are going.

It'll be fun.

But, I... It's just...

No! No, but nothing, okay? Come on. Sit.

Listen, they like us.

And they're the most

popular girls in school.

- Popular...

- Okay? We can't not go

and be right where we were

when we first got to that school.

They're popular because

they wear those baby shirts

that shows what the Good Lord gave 'em.

Plus, why do they have to set the trend?

Okay, number one,

those baby shirts are called crop tops.

And did you see how those guys

were drooling over them?

Did you see how they were

drooling over you?

Because I took notes from them.

Okay. Come on.

We gotta go to the attic,

create something

really hot for tonight.

- Let's get.

- Hot...

Wait.

- He's texting me.

- Who's texting you?

Jonathan, the cute frat boy.

I thought that boy

was staring at Rain.

He was, for now. Come on.

- For now?

- Yeah.

She needs to stay with me.

Debra, I already told her that, okay?

She doesn't wanna stay with you.

You're her dad,

you need to put your foot down.

Are you listening?

Yes, I'm listening to you.

- Well?

- Yeah, I know I'm her dad.

You're her mom, okay?

- I can't...

- Get her ready!

She doesn't wanna come,

she doesn't have to come.

- She doesn't wanna go...

- But she needs to.

All right, listen. Just come...

Come and pick BJ up.

- I don't wanna argue about this.

- Now I'm on my way.

Tiffany, somebody...

The hell?

This girl.

Open your little bag up wide.

So I can drop it

all the way down to the bottom.

I don't even know why

you sitting out here with these...

What you doing with these canes, Bam?

Trick or treat!

Mabel...

You know I had hip surgery.

I need these canes.

You don't need them canes,

stop that lying.

I seen you running

up and down the street.

Mabel, I need these canes,

and let me tell you,

they were high as hell, too.

Too much for a woman on a fixed income

and I ain't got no extra money

to be wasting on no canes like these.

So I gotta use these so that I don't

have to go back to the hospital.

I know them

two little girls right there.

If you... Hold on

just a second, honey.

If you're so worried

about money on a fixed income,

why the hell are you out here

giving these little heathens candy?

- Mabel, I like this.

- No, Bam, uh-uh. No.

This is why I'm not

in my damn house right now.

- What?

- I don't like no doggone Halloween.

I'm not gonna be giving them children

no candy for free. Hell!

When I was growing up, do you know

what I had to do for candy?

Do you know

what I had to do for candy?

What, Mabel?

I had to give up candy to get candy.

That's why.

But I'm not gonna do that,

spend my hard-earned money

on no candy gifting.

It's going in my retirement,

my Ho-O-1-K.

I'm not gonna do it,

give no child no candy.

Mabel, what is Ho-O-1-K?

It's for hoes.

It's for all of those women

who never ever

were able to pay taxes on their money

because they got it illegally.

So you put the money aside.

It's not a 401 K, it's a Ho-O-1-K.

- That's why I got a Ho-O-1-K.

- Oh!

Yeah, from back in the day

when I was stripping.

- I wonder why...

- When I was on that pole.

I'm not gonna spend

my Ho-O-1-K on nobody.

No, I'm not gonna do that,

giving no children no candy.

I don't know why you doing it.

Now, see, look at this.

Look at this.

- Trick or treat.

- Oh!

Look at his little outfit!

Here you go!

Here you go, baby, right here.

What's he supposed to be?

He's a G.I.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

He salute.

Yeah.

- Barn.

- I like them a bit...

- Barn. I saw your ass.

- Yeah.

Saw me do what?

Bam!

Barn, I saw you drop

a little piece of candy up in there

and take four or five pieces

out of that baby bag.

- What the hell?

- Shh!

Is that what you out here doing?

Mabel, shh!

- Why you doing that?

- Mabel, sometimes you get

the munchies after you smoke, honey,

and this candy be coming in handy.

And lookit, I been doing this for years.

- Barn.

- What?

You high now, ain't you?

Yeah.

Uh-uh. Mabel, look, don't judge me.

I got a prescription.

I'm so glad, I was so glad

when this thing finally came!

Hey! I can't wait

to show it to the police.

Put that away, Bam.

Sitting here high,

taking candy from babies.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

Well, you gotta teach them something.

You gotta teach 'em something

and you gotta teach them at some time.

I don't like this Halloween stuff.

- Trick or treat.

- Oh!

I'm the trick, she the treat.

Now go the hell on.

Why they got that boy

dressed like a cow?

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

Got that child dressed

like chocolate milk in a box.

- Mabel!

- What?

Don't do that.

You gonna scar this baby.

But you better watch him, Bam.

- Mmm-mmm.

- Uh-uh, you better watch him,

- he look like Biggie, Barn.

- Mmm-mmm.

That's a O.G. right there.

I'm telling you right now.

- Mabel!

- What? I'm telling you,

you better watch him.

He... He ain't gonna fall for that.

He counting every one

of them damn candies.

He ain't counting calories,

but he counting them damn candies.

Shut your mouth, will you?

I'm telling you, you better be careful,

Rick Ross gonna get you.

Hey, baby. Don't mind her at all.

You just come stay right there.

Let me pick and see

which one I'm gonna give you.

- I'm gonna give you two of these.

- You about to get stabbed.

- Look at this. Here you go!

- That boy ain't playing.

Put it down here

so I can put it in there.

Here you go, baby! There you go.

Oh, Lord...

There you go. All right, go on.

Wait a minute.

What'd I tell you?

I had more candy in here than this.

Biggie about to shoot you, Tupac.

I don't... I don't know what...

I have no idea

what you talking about.

You took candy

from my pumpkin, grandma.

No, I didn't do that, baby.

Why would I do that? Mabel?

You tricked me.

You put candy in

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