Boo! A Madea Halloween Page #7

Do your mama know

you're dressing like this?

She picked out my outfit.

Your mama picked out your outfit?

- Duh.

- Yeah.

Damn. She must be

one of them housewives.

Listen, honey, I'm looking for Tiffany.

Do y'all know a Tiffany?

Uh... No. We don't.

Who's looking for her?

Who looking for her? I'm her aunt,

and I'm looking for her.

I know she up in here somewhere.

Do y'all know her?

- No. We don't know her.

- No. Sorry.

Excuse me, do y'all know a Tiffany?

- No, I don't.

- Okay. Yeah, okay. Bye.

Tiffany! Tiffany.

- Dude, your aunt's here.

- What?

Yeah, she's right over there.

Oh, no.

- We need to go.

- Where's your back door?

Jonathan got this, ladies.

Listen, Dino. Take her to my room,

and take Aday to yours.

- Bingo. Let's go. Come on.

- No, no. no.

Shouldn't we stay together?

Don't make me go with him.

I mean, if y'all get

down like that, let's go.

- Have fun!

- Take your costumes off.

Take your costumes off, too.

They won't recognize you that way.

Lord, y'all little skinny asses...

Get out the way, hell.

- Tiffany!

- Well, well, well.

Welcome to my party!

My name is Jonathan,

the El Presidente

of this here fraterni-tay.

Are you on that sh*t? Calm down.

Hey, listen, son, do you know a Tiffany?

I'm looking for Tiffany.

- Oh, Tiffany.

- Yes.

- Oh, about this tall?

- Right.

- Black hair?

- Yes.

I've never seen her!

Hey, got milk?

- Yo, chill!

- Do it again.

I ain't got no damn milk,

but I got some bullets.

Ma'am, ma'am, I didn't know

it was like that. Chill.

You're telling me this is a lady?

Yes! And she's looking

for someone named Tiffany,

but we've never seen a Tiffany.

No, no, we haven't.

Yo, yo, everybody, listen up!

Listen up. Chaz, what's up, man?

How you doin'? Yo, announcement.

Big announcement. It's time for

the special guest of the evening.

Give it up for Tyga!

We about to get turnt up!

Let's see everybody hands up like this!

- Son.

- What?

- Hands up.

- Son.

We can't hear you!

Oh, yeah!

Turn this music...

Turn this noise...

Mabel, did you find her?

Barn, you been drinkin'?

No, I didn't find her.

And they got this rap...

I can't stand this music.

But, Mabel, if you can't stand it,

why your body...

Why your body moving like that?

That's that ho, that's my bottom half.

Every time it hear this music,

it just wanna drop.

That's the ho from back in the day

- coming out of me.

- Yeah.

I don't like this rap.

I don't like this.

I don't, I don't like this.

Mabel!

I get to get the hell outta here.

My ho coming out.

Go, granny on the mic!

Hey, put your hands up!

Put your hands up!

Hattie! What the hell you doing?

Get down!

That's it. That's it.

That's it. Move! That's it.

I give you all

the little baby you want

Hey! Put your hands up!

Hold the hell on!

- Wait a minute.

- Hold the hell on.

I just unplugged the damn music.

And I'ma tell you right now.

Let me make this very, very, perfectly

clear to all of y'all up in here.

I have been nice,

and I have been lookin' for Tiffany.

Y'all better present Tiffany.

You got 32.1 of a second

to present her to me right now.

I don't give a damn if Tyga upset here.

- I don't give a damn...

- Okay. That's it!

- That is it!

- Get her out!

Get her outta here!

I said get her out of here!

Wait! Wait!

Bring that beat back!

Throw her old ass out!

Barn, what the hell's

wrong with you?

Come on, let's go to the damn house.

All right. She's gone.

Will she call the police?

No. She's got lots of warrants.

She's crazy but she's not that crazy.

Look, Tiff, we love you and Aday, but...

We just don't like the drama.

Well, I'm sorry that my dad is so lame.

Well, we just can't hang out

and have this happen again.

Well, it won't happen again.

I promise.

This is why we said that,

you know, you shouldn't come.

It's 'cause your dad's

gonna flip, dude.

And, you know, now Jonathan is missing

his party, it's kind of unfair.

Yeah.

Well, don't worry about Jonathan.

I'll make it up to him.

- Oh. All right.

- Okay.

- Mmm-hmm. Okay. All right.

- Have fun.

Bye.

Listen, I'm so sorry about all of this.

Yo, Tiffany, it's all good,

but are you sure she's not

gonna call the police?

Yeah, I'm sure. I'm surprised

they even left the house.

I was telling them this story

about how the house is haunted.

Oh, you should have

seen their eyes.

They were, like, scared.

- Really?

- Yes.

Oh! All right. Tell me more.

Oh, Lord.

I think I want to go home.

Yeah, me too. Home run.

Knock you out the park.

I'm talking fifth base.

Is there even a fifth base?

What is that?

What are you freaking out for?

Come on.

I'm not. What do you mean?

We'll get weird on each other.

What do you say?

I'm just 17.

- You're 17?

- Yes.

Years old?

- Yeah.

- In human years.

Yes.

This girl is 17!

Seventeen years old!

I'm mad as hell.

I'm mad as hell!

Gonna throw me down in them bushes,

and Bam, you sitting there,

sitting there getting' high

with them damn boys.

And Barn, you wasn't even

gonna help me?

You supposed to be fightin' for me.

Y'all was supposed to have my back. Oh!

Mabel, I got your back.

I always have, always had your back,

but I'm high, Mabel.

Somebody needs to call the police,

that's all I know.

Somebody need to call the po-po.

You so damn worried about her,

you call 'em.

Hell, I'm trying to sleep.

Oh, no, I can't do that, I got warrants.

- Mabel, call them anonymously.

- That's what got me in trouble!

Because anonymously is how

I was writing them checks

and dealing with them

credit card frauds. I can't do that.

Somebody else got to call 'em.

I can't call them neither, Ma.

They know my voice, too.

Well, you know damn well

they know mine.

Ma, why don't you just go

describe your voice?

- Do what?

- Describe your voice.

The word is not "describe," honey.

If I describe my voice

then they gonna know it's me talkin'.

It is "disguise."

And I can't disguise my voice.

Because they have voice

data recognition.

I'm on the terrorist list, too.

I'm on terrorist watch.

They recognize it.

I'll call 'em, hell.

How much damn stuff

you got up in them breasts?

I bet you take all that stuff

out and breasts is just flat.

Barn, you high,

what you gonna say before you call 'em?

Uh... Yeah!

Wait a minute, hell,

you gonna call 'em like Lil Jon?

No, I'm gonna call 'em

like a little white girl.

Oh. You a little white girl?

Barn, you ain't never been

little in your life.

And she never been white, either.

What you gonna say when you call 'em?

Yeah, listen, we need the police.

I'm being held against my will.

Help me! Help me!

Ma, it's something wrong with her.

Really, really wrong.

Barn. Listen to me, honey,

make this perfectly clear.

Just call the people and tell them...

Listen to me.

Just tell them that an underage girl

snuck out the house and she at

a frat party. Don't do all of that.

Okay, Mabel.

- Yo, stop, stop!

- Pull the rip cord, bro!

- What the hell, don't you knock?

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