Booty Call Page #7

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"You don"t even know him."

But how they gonna bet on us

like we some dogs at a race track?

Because they not human, baby.

They may seem like it.

We both eat and breathe the same.

But look at a brother like Bunz.

Does he act human?

But you just slept with Bunz.

Like I said...

...they"re only good for one thing.

- Only good for one thing.

Yes, you got it.

L"II tell you another thing,

what you got to do is flip the script.

Keep your freaky-deaky

happening on the DL.

Be like, "Yeah, that"s right.

But it"s mine. It"s mine."

That"s mine. Tear it up.

Yeah. Give it to me.

Yeah. What"s my name?

What"s my name?

We in a hospital. Hospital. Chill out.

- We in a hospital. All right.

- All right.

Okay. Tear it up.

Contractions are 10 seconds apart.

Everything"s great.

Everything"s fine.

And, you know, you looking...

You looking pretty good.

What you in for, boy?

You lucky. I got bad pipes.

- My balls is all congested.

- What are they gonna do?

Un-congest them, I guess.

It says here, "Testicular removal."

Un-congest them, my ass.

- They"re gonna chop your balls off.

- What?

Mr. Martin?

Where are you?

Mr. Martin...

...where are you?

We are ready.

"Rushon." What a pretty name.

Martin, here you are.

Great evening.

Got any more planned?

- Don"t even start on me.

- You don"t want me to start, darling.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- What is that supposed to mean?

We are in a hospital.

Of course you don"t recognize me.

L"m Dr. Zevroloski!

L"m in residency in Baltimore,

visiting doing research.

- Hold it!

- Someone stole my ID.

Zevroloski. Look it up.

I knew it.

You come with me.

We got somebody to find.

I know they"re in here somewhere.

No. This is a mistake.

Man, I swear to God.

- We should just leave.

- No, we find them and then leave them.

What is wrong with you?

Relax.

- This is a mistake.

- Now, everyone gets a little nervous...

...about this procedure.

It"s easy. First we shave you...

...then we snip you and it"s over.

There is life after castration.

Let"s go.

Well, the plumbing works.

Look, I gotta go.

- Where"s Rushon?

- I don"t know.

- You lost Rushon?

- I didn"t lose him. I just...

Look, I don"t have time for this.

L"II go look for him.

You try to find him, please.

Girlfriend, keep an eye on him.

All right, Mr. Martin,

we"ve already started anaesthesia.

You haven"t eaten

in the last 12 hours, right?

Just relax and start counting

backwards from 100.

Don"t take my johnson.

Don"t take...

All right, people, he"s out cold.

Let us tango.

Is he in there?

- Thought I looked like a mama.

- I like older women.

You trying to say I look old?

No, l"m saying you

like a fine wine. You just aged.

Check in there.

Oh, snap. Chia Pet.

It"s fine, it"s fine. Stop.

All right, she"s gone. Let"s go.

Yeah, let"s go.

- You probably ain"t even ready for this.

- No, you ain"t ready for this.

- Here we go.

- Wait a minute.

Why hasn"t this man been prepped?

It doesn"t matter. We all make

mistakes. L"II do it myself. Razor.

Who"s your daddy? Who"s your daddy?

Who"s your daddy? Come up here, girl.

Bunz, wait. Look, look.

Somebody"s in here.

That jack-o"-lantern fool

is dead to the world.

Come on, girl, let"s do this, now.

Come on.

Okay, now, come on.

I hope you ate your corn flakes, baby,

because l"m gonna go all night long.

Because I got stamina.

Wait. You got a condom, right?

No glove, no love.

Look, I got a glove right here.

May not be big enough to fit

on this big paloosa...

...but we"II do the best we can.

There we go.

Are you ready?

Wait. Okay.

Line it up.

Oh, yes.

Don"t go too fast, now.

Oh, sh*t.

No, you didn"t.

I been holding that one a long time.

That"s just a flare, baby.

Damn, my crippled ass...

...could"ve rolled around in her coochie

longer than that.

He"s been watching us the whole time.

The whole three...

...seconds.

I hope I didn"t wear you out, now.

You need a cigarette

or something to bring you down?

Oh, my God, what are you doing?

L"m removing a metastasised

testicular growth.

- Lf you"II excuse me...

- What? Don"t touch his growth!

- Get her out of here.

- There"s been a mistake!

He doesn"t have insurance!

F***!

Get him down to County!

Goddamn stupid Admissions.

L"II be on the golf course.

Son of a b*tch!

- Hey, baby.

- Hi, Rushon.

- My leg... Oh, sh*t!

- Don"t worry, everything"s still there.

- Almost.

- Almost? What you mean, "almost"?

Lay off the Magic Shave, brother man.

Oh, my God, Nikki, no matter

what you do, don"t tell Bunz.

Here we go again, worrying

about what Bunz is gonna think.

Lord forbid you get embarrassed

in front of Bunz.

That"s what l"m talking about, Rushon.

Nikki, you mean everything to me,

but, come on, it"s...

...where a brother got

to draw the line.

And there comes a time where

a woman has got to draw the line.

- Nikki.

- Rushon...

...sun"s up,

you already lost the bet, what else?

Hurry up. You definitely know how

to do that, Quick Draw.

Hey! What"s up?

- That"s what l"ve been asking.

- Mind your business.

Big Daddy-Haddy Not-No.

- What"s up, boy?

- What"s up, man?

Looking good.

They stitched you up?

- Your boy here, don"t sweat a thing.

- You took care of me, boy.

Now that your boy is here,

l"m sure that you"II be fine.

Me and Lystie are leaving. Come on.

- Nikki.

- Forget them tricks. Let"s roll.

Nik... Nikki.

What do I gotta do to prove that

I don"t give a f*** what Bunz thinks?

- Sorry, man.

- What is this?

Kick a Brother in the Ding-Ding Day?

The proof is in the doing,

not the saying.

It"s getting late.

We"re going home.

All right, f*** it!

Bunz.

Hey, dog, what you doing?

I don"t wanna know you like this.

Rushon.

You do look younger with your beard

all cut off and everything.

"Not only am I a client,

but l"m also the president."

Looks like a popcorn shrimp, man.

Is that the best you can do?

Come on.

Looks like a doorstop.

And you gonna tell everybody we know

and embarrass the hell out of me, right?

I got to. If I pull that,

would you get stronger?

There you go, brother.

You got a tight little ass.

Ass so tight...

...you could squeeze a piece of coal

and sh*t a diamond.

Look at you, boy.

- Did you see what was going on?

- You need to stop joning, Speedy.

We need to really keep that

on the down low.

I been going through counselling.

I wanted to talk to you about it.

You didn"t give me a chance to reach

my climacticness.

- You just got excited, right?

- Yeah. I got excited.

Step over to this side of the line

or what?

And what"s over there for me?

I love you over here.

Look what they doing.

Ready to go with me?

Wanna go home?

My apartment.

You with me?

You sure?

Watch it, now.

- Can"t touch the pork chop.

- Can"t touch.

Can"t touch it. It"II bite you.

That normally doesn"t happen to me,

but I had an accident.

A cat jumped in my lap and scratched

the left side of my sh*t.

So on the left side, l"m not functional.

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