Booty Call Page #6

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Didn"t I tell you about this

blind-date stuff? Look at this sh*t.

- Let"s get a cab and get out of here.

- Smartest thing you said all night.

- Don"t look back. Just keep walking.

- We almost got shot over this sh*t.

- Shot?

- You heard him. Shot. L"m out of here.

- Let"s go. Cabbie!

- Wait.

- Cabbie!

- Rushon, are you okay?

- L"m still breathing, ain"t I?

- Lf you stay away from GLAD Wrap.

- Lystie, come on.

- L"m gonna be right over here.

Baby, I am so sorry.

L"II make it up to you. L"II do anything.

We can go upstairs.

Damn.

If you"re thinking about trying

to get in good with me...

...and kissing me all on my fingers,

forget that.

- Forgotten.

- Cool.

Can I get a damn cab?

Damn!

What does a brother have to do

to get a cab? Rushon, help me out.

You say something, Bunz?

I see what"s going on.

Look like you gonna get yours before

sunrise. I guess you won the bet.

What bet?

Bunz?

Could you repeat the question?

I got a bum ear.

Baby, it"s just a figure of speech,

that"s all it is.

Like, "How much you wanna bet l"II

be tapping that ass before sunrise?"

That kind of figure of speech,

Rushon?

- Did you have a bet going on?

- No.

No. No. No, no. No, no. Hell, no.

That would be degrading.

- Completely degrading.

- This was just a harmless challenge.

- Exactly.

- Challenge.

Like between guys, we talking

about b*tches and ho"s and...

- Bunz.

- Baby, that"s all right. I got it.

It"s like a guy thing. Right?

Kind of like high-fiving?

- Right.

- Like a high-five.

Lystie, did you hear that?

It"s a guy thing.

- I heard.

- Us girls have our thing too.

Except it"s not a high-five.

It"s a high-one.

- And to you too. Lystie, let"s go.

- Nikki, please...

Rushon, you bet on me.

Come on. You gonna listen to Bunz?

Nikki, Bunz is crazy.

I would never do something like...

Look...

- Would you listen to me, please?

- L"m listening.

I f***ed up. I mean, a little bit.

Hey, look, hands. Hey, man,

l"m glad you stopped.

- Look...

- You no steal my car!

What"s up with the gun?

You done f***ed up now.

I ought to bust your ass right here.

Sorry, I don"t wanna cork you.

Sh*t!

I gotta get the hell out, man.

Sh*t is too crazy.

L"m gonna go back to Africa,

to the roots.

Let"s take a bite of the Big Apple.

The night is young.

The only place we"re going

is the hospital...

...to get you stitched and cleaned up.

After that, we"re going home.

This is only a flesh wound.

Look. See?

Them old-school niggas could take,

like, four or five bullets to the ass...

...not even worried about

going to the hospital.

They don"t make niggas

like they used to. Rock-hard.

I hurt my finger. Kiss it.

Nikki, I made a mistake, okay?

L"m sorry.

Welcome to another episode

of Slipping-Ass Brother.

Caller, you"re on the line

from Alabama, what you think?

Does the young buck in the back

know how to fetch and roll over too?

Because he begs good as hell.

Oh, yeah, that"s right, Rushon.

Straighten up for your boy.

What will it take for you to shut up?

It"s funny you ask.

It"s a misunderstanding.

It was a bet, but it wasn"t a bet.

Not now, Rushon.

Like I said, it"s a flesh wound.

We wanna make sure

it doesn"t get infected.

Like I was saying, no insurance.

Ain"t this a shame.

We in the richest country in the world...

...the land of the brave,

the home of the beautiful...

...and he can"t get his leg sewn up?

This is not the time or the place.

It is the place.

It says "Emergency."

It doesn"t say" Emergency unless

you ain"t got no insurance card."

- Bunz.

- Shut up.

I tell you what, l"II go get you a parrot

to go with your peg leg.

Look, I got insurance.

I just don"t have my card on me.

No card, no cure.

I don"t think you understand

the severity of this situation.

This man has been shot.

I don"t know where you received

your education, your training...

Lystie. I apologize...

...for my friends.

It"s been a long night.

L"m sure there"s a procedure

to verify his insurance.

We filled out all the forms,

all the information you need is here.

Like I said, little Miss Fugee...

...no card, no cure.

Look, b*tch, either you make the call

or l"m gonna come across that desk...

...and snatch that horsehair wig

off your bald head.

I will stick this clipboard

so far up your...

Askins.

Looking for... Rushon Askins?

- Nigga, are you Rushon?

- Yeah, Rushon Askins, right here.

- Rushon Askins.

- That"s what l"m asking.

Fool, get your ass down.

Okay, listen. We"ve already

pre-admitted this patient.

Here"s his insurance forms.

We need to get him down to triage

because his wounds are severe.

Yes, Dr. Zevroloski.

But aren"t you the guy that...?

Yes, I am.

L"m very attracted to you.

These beautiful eyes,

those cheekbones, that smile.

And I love that little moustache.

But do something with the Chia Pet.

Listen. You and your mama have

to wait behind the yellow line.

- Mama?

- Yes, your motherfucking mama.

He ain"t saying I look old.

You sure you know

what you"re doing?

I used to watch ER all the time

till they cut the brother"s part down.

Somebody died,

they gonna try to blame it on him.

Nurse, could you give me a hand?

My patient needs assistance.

Sure, doctor.

Could you roll him over there, please?

You know, I think

it"s just a flesh wound.

- Please help me get him in the bed.

- Yeah, you do look frail.

Okay, get you right up here.

There we go.

What I wanna do is...

...turn him around so you can see him.

Now, the vital signs seem to be...

...okay. The forehead fever...

...is stable.

Oh, look here. I got to run.

I got a 1 -Adam-12 right down the hall.

L"II leave you here with him.

You can handle this.

Sure, Dr. Zevroloski.

Well, Zevroloski was my first name.

L"m part German, part Jamaican.

Ger-maican.

Damn Caribbean medical schools.

Doctor? Dr. Moore needs help

in Obstetrics. She"s having a baby.

- It ain"t mine.

- No, it"s her patient.

Well, let"s get it on.

Is she naked?

It hurts good, doesn"t it?

Here, l"m gonna give you

something for the pain.

All right. It"s gonna help you relax.

It might even make you drowsy.

But you"re gonna feel

a whole lot better.

Nice.

Pleasant dreams.

So, doctor, what"s the problem?

My residency is in Emergency Peds.

I have no training in Obstetrics.

The patient is multigravida,

experiencing...

...aggravated lateral distension...

...with a likelihood

of an oblique inguinal hernia...

...impacting the peritoneum

and the epigastric artery.

Ever go to Nell"s on ladies" night?

Because it"s free before 10...

...and everything like that.

Got a brand-new DJ.

Girl, don"t worry about it.

Let me tell you something about men.

They"re only good for one thing.

And most of the time,

they don"t even do that right.

Talking all that mess

about how big they are...

...how much stamina they got...

...talking all that mess about,

"Whose is this?

Whose is this? Whose is this?"

You know what I tell them?

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