Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan Page #4

What if Pamela did

not like me too?

We needed something

to change our fortunes.

Look, Azamat, a Gypsy village.

Let us extract some of their tears

so we can remove the curse.

Do not fear me, Gypsy,

all I want from you is your tears.

Please give them to me

or I will take them.

I'm not a Gypsy.

I'm a Midwestern farmer's daughter.

Americana.

You have many treasures.

Who did you rob for this?

We didn't rob them.

They came from the house.

I will look in your treasures, Gypsy.

Is this understood?

I will look on them.

Please do.

Who is this lady you have shrunk?

Was she the owner of this house

that you camp in front of?

There's a couple more child's dolls.

Do not try and shrink me, Gypsy.

I serious.

- These are your spells?

- No.

There's a good one,

The Millionaire Mindset.

There you go.

- Baywatch.

- Baywatch?

It means she love me.

Azamat!

Azamat, great success!

I've got the tears.

Onwards to California!

Let's go.

What's that you've got there?

It's nothing. Don't worry about it.

Are we going the right way?

I don't know, this map is from 1917.

Where the hell are we?

Hey, stop that goddamn van!

Hey, baby, wanna go out?

Wanna go out, honey?

I'm going to stop and ask.

No, no, no, keep going. Keep going.

I need the direction

to California, please.

- To California?

- You a long way from home.

Who you with, man?

Who you with, who you with?

I traveI with my friend, Azamat Bagatov.

We traveI across the country.

You can't be talking all that.

You gotta be talking English right here.

You look like MichaeI Jackson, "Beat It. "

Man, you better-

I like you peoples.

Can you teach me how to dress?

How can I be like you?

You need to let them jeans down.

Pull them down?

Don't pull them down like-

- Like a ho?

- No, no, no.

- Like a this?

- Yeah.

But don't show

your Huggies though, man.

What the hell? Is that fishnet?

No, no, no, these are my antipants.

- What kind of music you listen to?

- I like very much Corky Bucek.

You know Corky Bucek?

Can you teach me speak like you?

What you trying to say?

- How you say, "How do you do?"

- What's up with it?

- What's that with it?

- Yeah.

Pull over and let's see

if we can stay here.

What's up with it, vanilla-face?

Me and my homey, Azamat,

just parked our slab outside.

Please.

We are looking for somewhere to

post up our black asses for the night.

So bang-bang, skeet-skeet, nigga.

We just a couple of pimps, no ho's.

- Sir, you gotta leave.

- Okay.

Leave now or we're gonna call the cops

and we'll have you taken out.

We can't stay here,

they are 'player haters. '

- Hi. Hello.

- You have a room for tonight?

Oh, yes. Yes, definitely.

- Come on in.

- Great.

Your friend also.

A beautifuI house, this.

All the paintings

in the house, I did.

What is this man?

This is a Yemenite Jew and

he's working on a piece of jewelry.

They, Yemenites,

were also jewelers.

Why you have a picture of a Jew?

Because I'm Jewish, so I

have lots of pictures of Jews.

This is the room and...

- Do you need two pillows?

- Yes.

Great. Thank you. Lovely place.

They're Jews.

I know that now.

They'll kill us.

We need to escape.

- Wait, wait.

- Okay.

Hello.

- How are you?

- Great.

You guys getting settled in?

This is a speciaI sandwich for you.

I not so hungry.

He can eat this.

He fat.

No, no.

- You gonna eat, because-

- Take a half.

- Take a half and then you'll see.

- Take a half.

Yeah. I not so hungry.

You eat a little bit.

Go ahead and eat something

because you're hungry.

Yes.

I don't want to see you go hungry.

What is this picture over here?

Okay...

It is 3 in the morning.

I am in a nest of Jews.

They have cleverly shifted

their shapes.

One of them has taken the form

of a little old woman.

You can barely see her horns.

She have tried to

poison me already.

These rats are very clever.

Look, the Jews have

shifted their shapes.

OK, OK. How much shall

I give them?

I don't know...

More. Give them more.

Go. Go.

Let's go back to New York,

at least there's no Jews there.

Calm down.

We'll keep heading to California.

Why California?

What's so speciaI about California?

We are going to California!

And get killed on the way?!

Relax, Azamat!

I will get us protection.

What is the best gun

to defend from a Jew?

I would recommend

either a 9 millimeter or a. 45.

Very nice.

It like I movie star, Dirty Harold.

- Yes, sir.

- Come on and make my day, Jew.

But he would not sell me gun

since I not American.

So I look for other protection.

MUNCH RANCH:

Exotic AnimaI Dealer

- What type of dog is this?

- This is a tortoise.

Is this a cat in a hat?

No, it's a tortoise in a shell.

Yes.

I need animaI for protection.

What you have for me?

We're safe.

Now we continue to California.

High five!

Great! Nice.

Switch it off.

It so annoying!

Ice cream!

Happy times. We were safe

and well on our way to Pamela.

It was time to get back to work.

Kazakhstan needs to learn

about American fine dining.

First, a lady will

teach you southern manners.

How long have I got?

An hour. Then you have

dinner date with high society.

Hello and nice meet you.

"KATHIE B.MARTIN-Etiquette Coach"

Hello, it's so nice to meet you.

Welcome to America.

Will you please teach me

how to dine like gentleman?

Of course, I'll be happy to.

Is it polite to greet people

when I make entry?

"THE MAGNOLIA MANSION-Dining Society"

Yes, it is.

- Let me introduce you around.

- Yes.

- You're gonna have to-

- I'm Mike. Mike Jared.

Hello, I'm Bethany Weston.

- Lovely to see you.

- Nice.

- How you do?

- How do you do? My name's Ben.

Should I pay interest in peoples

around the table-sides?

Yes.

And, if it is a big table,

a very long table...

...you might want to restrict

your conversation...

- Yes.

- ... to people right in your vicinity.

- Very nice.

- So you are not yelling.

What do you do?

- I'm the pastor of a church.

- Yes.

- What do you do?

- I have spent years in construction.

I'm recently retired.

- You are retard?

- Yes.

PhysicaI or mentaI?

- Retired.

- No, no, not retarded.

- I don't work anymore.

- Stopped working.

It's very good you allow retard...

...to eat with you in the same place.

That's not what we're saying

about this man.

He is not what

you would refer to as retard.

- No.

- No, no. Not at all.

Do you have a telephone

in this village?

Of course.

Should I show photos of my family?

You have photos of your family?

WonderfuI.

This my favorite son, Huey Lewis.

- Okay.

- Yes.

- He looks happy.

- Yes.

He very strong.

- My goodness, is that him holding you?

- Yes. Very strong.

He grow three centimeter.

He now 17 centimeter long.

I'm not sure I would show these

photos of him without clothes on.

Should I pay compliments

to the peoples?

Yes, but only if you truly agree

with that compliment.

You have a very gentle face...

- ... and a very erotic physique.

- Thank you.

- You're correct.

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