Bordello of Blood Page #4

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Sorry to disturb you,

but I have something

you should see.

I thought you said

Mr. Guttman had finished

his investigation.

He has finished.

Mr. Guttman...

Mr. Guttman...

your job is done.

Now, if you don't leave,

I'll be forced

to have you removed.

Fine. Katherine, you should

really take a look at that.

Take care, you two.

Mr. Guttman.

Yes, Miss Verdoux?

Where did you find this?

I found that

at the McCutcheon

Mortuary,

which also happens to be

the McCutcheon Brothel,

where young men

gather to get stiff

amongst the stiffs.

Unfortunately,

most of them end up getting

ripped off or even worse.

Why am I telling you that for?

Like you care.

Are you sure about this?

Maybe we should

call the police.

"We"?

Oh, I'm back

on the team now.

Christ, you're so nervous.

You gotta listen to me.

I'm gonna try to be

as discreet as I can, all right?

As far as going to the police,

until we have something solid,

that's a mistake.

I'm staking out

the mortuary tonight.

You have to trust me, okay?

Hey! Hey!

Captain Moped, wait up!

Hey, hey,

what's happenin',

wild thing?

You're lookin' cool tonight.

You must know Mickey Rourke.

Mind if I ask you

a few questions?

Here's my card.

My name is Rafe Guttman.

I'm-I'm out of cards.

Oh. Here to try

your luck again?

I've got good news for you,

but I'm afraid there's only room for one.

This way, young man.

Sorry, kid.

Hey, wait a second!

You'll wait right here.

You got me?

So this is my pathway

to paradise, huh?

Oh, yes.

And the girls

are waiting for you.

Ah, the girls.

Let them eat a guy named Cake.

They also like crumpet too.

Guess where you've

just landed, lover?

Uh, Larry Flynt's id?

Vegetarian.

Another vegetarian.

I hate vegetarians.

Here, baby,

this Bud's for you.

Mm-hmm.

Yummy.

We have a little problem

upstairs, I'm afraid.

Mr. Jenkins...

I understand

you have a problem.

I can't take it anymore.

Well, have you been

wearing sun block?

You know the sun is very hard

on undead skin.

And you're not even

fully undead yet.

It's a process.

I don't care what it is.

It hurts.

Men.

Such big babies.

Yeah, I just love a man

who gives you head...

and lets you keep it.

Lucy, I'm home.

Tammy, I love

what you've done with it.

Maybe I would hang a picture

of dogs playing poker over there.

But that would be

my only quibble.

Take off your clothes, worm.

What's that?

Medieval foreplay?

Tamara, maybe

I'm a traditionalist,

but I've always thought

it should be ladies before worms.

So... you first.

You are not gonna

believe this,

but I almost

wore that tonight.

Wouldn't we have been

mortified?

Now it's your turn.

All right.

Leave your shirt on!

A little early to be repulsed,

isn't it?

I thought

it was a cross.

Let me take it off.

Be gentle.

I used to be a virgin... I think.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Take it easy.

Easy.

Pull back on the stick,

Amelia.

You know, the weave

isn't even paid for yet.

Now, what about this funky

little Barcalounger?

Break this down for me.

Well, first

I'd strap in one hand.

Yeah? Like this?

Yeah.

Then...

I presume,

the other hand goes there.

Right?

You comfy?

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

I hate

to be a painful party pooper,

but I gotta split, okay?

You have been

a super little host.

You bastard!

Huh. There's always

something going on.

Men. Always leaving

something behind.

I really am sorry.

Mmm.

I don't know

what happened.

One minute I thought I had him,

and the next...

I knew it.

It's one in a million.

Very rare, this blood type.

And I haven't tasted that

since... Ivan the Terrible.

That was

four centuries ago.

Hmm.

Mmm.

Oh, we gotta keep him alive.

Who the hell

are you?

The name's Lilith.

You left this behind.

It's not very nice to leave

a girl hanging like that.

I'll have to apologize

next time I see her.

I didn't mean her.

I meant me.

You know, I saw you

back at the house.

And when I did,

I knew you were special.

I'll bet you say that

to all the boys.

Yeah, but with you I mean it.

Listen, uh, Lilith,

I'm reasonably sure...

you're the type of woman

who's never heard

the expression "half-cocked,"

but that is exactly

what this gun is,

and I swear I'll use it.

You wouldn't shoot these,

now would you?

Go on. You can touch 'em.

I'll let you.

I'm not gonna tell you

those aren't the breasts of the century,

but I'm just not

diggin' the owner.

So why don't you put those away?

You're not my type.

So what is your type?

Don't tell me. Let me guess.

Two, four, six, eight!

You can watch me masturbate!

Getting warmer?

No?

Mmm, then how about

something... like this?

Ooh.

Ooh.

Can I tell you

something, Rafe?

Yeah.

When you were looking

at me before,

Mm-hmm.

I liked it.

I can't stop

thinking about you.

I can be just like her

if that's what you want.

I'd do anything for you, lover.

Rafe? Hello?

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

Katherine.

Forget it, Rafe.

I'm going to the cops.

How do I know

it's a whorehouse?

- I was there. How's that?

- Isn't that interesting.

As I recall, your private

investigator's license was

suspended almost a year ago.

Were you aware of that, ma'am?

- No... I wasn't.

- Well, thank you.

And could you possibly get just a little

of that f***in' stew inside your head?

Huh?

Could we shoot for that?

It's a license. It's paper.

It doesn't matter. Come on.

And the check for your

license renewal bounced.

For Christ's sake, man,

there are people dying!

Isn't that more important

than my secretarial skills?

I didn't even know her

when I went there!

I was there as an everyday,

horny citizen, all right?

- Did you give this man money?

- You're f***in' clueless.

Hmm. Well, seems to me...

the only person I should be

throwin' in jail is you.

Listen to me,

sh*t-for-brains...

Excuse me.

Deputy, I don't know

what to believe

at this point.

I know that you have

a lot of cases ahead of mine,

but Mr. Guttman did find this

at the mortuary.

It's my brother's.

Hmm.

Try not to eat it, Mongo.

I apologize for gettin' you

out of bed at this hour.

That's okay, officer.

What exactly was it

the gentleman said

happened here?

Don't give me

that sh*t, Karloff.

What'd I tell you, kids?

Right there.

A coffin.

Uh-huh.

It's pretty suspicious

for a mortuary.

Noonan, you don't

wear irony very well.

Why don't you leave that

to the big boys?

Now watch what happens

when I pull this.

Watch this.

You stupid son of a b*tch!

What the hell do you think

you're doing?

What happens, Barney Fife,

is the conveyor belt goes

all the way through the fire,

empties out into a room

down in the basement.

My God, that coffin cost me

more than a thousand dollars.

Look at little Olivier!

You are so utterly

full of sh*t.

Uh-huh.

Careful you don't

burn yourself on it now.

I'm sorry

to have bothered you.

That's all right, officer.

Noonan, come on.

This is the entrance

to the whorehouse.

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